NOT WHAT IT SEEMS

 

Just because when you fart

It sounds like an angel’s breath

It doesn’t mean for a moment

That it will not smell like death

IN FLAGRANTE DELICTO

 

They were found in the toilet

In flagrante delicto

Well done mum and dad

That’s the way to go

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 76

 

An apple a day

Keeps the doctor away

Is an old wives tale

And doomed to fail

So, when the doc calls

Just knee him in the balls

PUT DOWN # 44

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he suggests he is your prince

Come to rescue you from your plight

Just say to him

"You live with your mom still, right?"

SENTENCING

 

In the English language

The shortest sentence

Is reportedly “I am”

This would make sense

But does that mean, “I do”

Is the longest sentence?

A PRESSING OCCUPATION

 

The woman that does my ironing

Has always been harassed and stressed

But lately her work has gone to pot

And I think she may be depressed

A WORTHWHILE PURSUIT

 

Since I happily retired

I have the reason and rhyme

To devote to my hobbies

So, I spend most of my time

In the pursuit of excellence

And just in my spare time

I have perfected the art

Of converting beer and wine

Incredibly quickly

Into pure golden urine