CHRISTMAS FELICITATIONS

 

Merry Christmas,

Good will to all men,

The festive season

Is with us once again,

 

The special holy day

Is growing very near

So Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year

TOO MERRY CHRISTMAS

 

I made too merry yesterday

I had a splendid day

In Christmas celebration

I indulged in every way

But now my head is splitting

The morning after the play

So I will nurse my head

For all of Boxing Day

COLD CHRISTMAS

 

I can’t believe you did it

How typically bold

Dumping me at Christmas

How awfully cold

 

Still on the bright side

I won’t have to strain and heave

Rushing to find a gift

For you on Christmas Eve

 

I won’t spend the season

Living like a monk

I’ll be very merry

If not drunk as a skunk

 

But I can’t believe you did it

It’s a really shitty thing to do

Dumping me at Christmas

How typical of you

 

It’s probably for the best

So, I won’t shed a tear

Have a merry Christmas

And a really shit New Year

CHRISTMAS INDULGENCE

 

We spend the day

Eating more than we should

Turkey and trimmings

And rich Christmas pud

Mince pies and cream

Great petite fours

Pretzels and nuts

Wines and liqueurs

Cookies and marzipan

Chocolate Yule log

Rich Christmas cake

And creamy eggnog

Chocolate Orange

Chocolate Brazil’s

Hot Bombay mix

Twiglets and Pringles

Sweet, candied fruits

Sugar coated almonds

Cold turkey sandwich,

Till I’m suitably rotund

DEPARTMENT STORE SANTA

Against my better judgement

I took my young son to the store

And we queued up for an hour

So, he could see Santa Claus

 

The grotto was cheap and nasty

It was a terrible site to behold

I thought the whole thing a rip off

And my son thought he was too old

 

Santa’s little helper was pregnant

The head Elf was high as a kite

But I thought if we stayed in line

Everything would turn out alright

 

Well, he climbed onto Santa’s lap

To tell him his Christmas wish

But Santa smelled of whisky

And his trousers smelled of piss

 

It was about making memories

Well, according to my wife

But instead of a memorable visit

I think we scarred him for life 

IF ONLY YOUR LEFT LEG WAS CHRISTMAS

If only your left leg was Christmas

And your right leg was New Year’s Day

Then I could devote all of my time

To visiting you between the holidays

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – CHRISTMAS COMES HOME TO CANAAN

 

In the Texas town of Canaan, Daniel Burton (Billy Ray Cyrus) finds that his son Bobber (Liam James) needs extensive orthopaedic surgery and months of intensive physical therapy to recover as a result of being run down by a car.

Fortunately help is at hand in the form of Rodney Freeman (Matt Ward), the young black man who Daniel took into his home and raised as his own son, who has become a famous writer and he immediately offers to fly Daniel and Bobber to San Francisco and to pay for the surgery.

Once in San Francisco, Daniel meets and falls for Briony Adair (Gina Holden), a physical rehabilitation specialist who will be working toward Bobber's recovery but when the therapy progresses slowly, Bobber invites Briony to come home to Canaan to spend Christmas with the Burtons and continue his treatment.

Briony accepts the offer and is welcomed by the family all except Sarah (Emily Tennant), Daniel's daughter who distances herself because she doesn’t want to dishonour her late mother's memory.

But Daniel and Briony try to rise above it but a disastrous Christmas ensues and drives them apart.

So, in the soul searching that follows, will Daniel find the strength to open his heart again and invite love back into his life or will he settle for the status quo.