FROSTY THE SNOWMAN DIVORCED HIS WIFE

 

Frosty the snowman divorced his wife

As the marriage was a mistake

He decided to divorce his wife

After he found out she was a flake

SEASONS GREETINGS

 

Tis the festive season

Of goodwill and reason

For the politically correct

The dithering and the direct

For the clubs and the cliques

And tedious control freaks

For the anal retentive's

And their many representatives

For council house yobs

And the inverted snobs

Those with professional jobs

And intellectual snobs

For the easily offended

And the over complicated

For the vile and the venomous

The overt and the anonymous

Snake in the grass vipers

And Backstabbing snipers

To the tarts and the vicars

And those in disposable knickers

For all poetry scrawlers

And the unpleasant name callers

For the narrowly minded

And those with axes grinded

For the loud minority

And the silent majority

For blondes and brunettes

And all lads and laddettes

Those pierced and tattooed

And the prim and the lewd

For the bright and the bland

And the humble and the grand

For those who are pretentious

And the liberal consensus

Every class hew and breed

Every persuasion and creed

Whether ungifted or artistic

And the mentally arthritic

For the first and the last

And sense of humour bypassed

For those with rhyme and reason

So in the spirit of the season

Now the year is nearly done

Merry Christmas everyone

ONE FOOT OF SNOW FELL

 

One foot of snow fell

In the town of Lexington

So, when he went outside

He only wore one Wellington

DIFFERENCES # 3

 

The difference between Santa Claus

And a serial philanderer, as it goes

Is in essence a total lack of self-control

Because Santa stopped at three ho’s

PICROUS DAY

 

Picrous Day was a festival celebrated

By the tin miners of east Cornwall

“The feast of the discovery of Tin”

Which gives no credit to St Piran at all

 

(The first Thursday before Christmas)

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – WISHIN' AND HOPIN'

 

This film is based on the New York Times best-selling novel by award-winning author Wally Lamb and is a slice of vivid 1960s life, a wise-and-witty holiday tale that celebrates the “look how far we've come” philosophy.

It takes place in1964 in the small town of Three Rivers, where Felix Funicello (Wyatt Ralff) is a Catholic school fifth-grader at St. Aloysius Gonzaga Parochial School.

And his only claim to fame is his cousin Annette Funicello (Krysta Rodriguez), the famous Mouseketeer and teen movie queen.

But grammar and arithmetic move to the back burner this holiday season with the sudden arrivals of substitute teacher Madame Frechette (Molly Ringwald) and feisty Russian student Zhenya Kabakova (Siobhan Cohen) and Felix’s world is turned upside down in this witty and endearing Christmas offering.

Annabella Sciorra puts in a great performance as his ma and Meat Loaf is outrageous as Monsignor Muldoon which just adds to the overall quality.

ARE YOU WEARING ANY CLOTHES?

 

Are you wearing any clothes?

My little Christmas elf

You’re supposed to dress the tree!

Not undress yourself