WAVING GOODBYE

 

In the seventies

I had long hair

Now I’m in my seventies

I long for hair

SENIOR JOINT

 

In the sixties

I looked forward

To Going to a new, hip joint

Now I’m in my sixties

I look forward

To receiving a new hip joint

SENIOR TESTS

 

In the seventies

I was thrilled

When I passed my driving test

Now I’m in my seventies

I’m thrilled

When I pass my sight test

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

 

If my body were a car,

It wouldn’t travel very far

And I would begin

To think of a trade in

I've got bumps and dents

Scratches and rents

My paintwork is dull

And its time for a cull

No time for mollycoddle

Just get a newer model

I can’t focus my headlights

And I steer to the right

My upholstery is lumpy

My traction is bumpy

I skid, slip and slide

Instead of skip and glide

Even in the best of weather

I struggle to keep it together

My whitewalls are stained

With my varicosed veins 

I have a low maximum speed. 

I’m an unpredictable steed

I don’t get anywhere quickly 

My fuel burns inefficiently. 

But the worst of the wheeze

Almost every time I sneeze

Or I cough or I sputter

I leak from my radiator

And a warning to buyers

My exhaust backfires

SENIOR MOVIE STARS

 

If you lived in the seventies

You were thought to be cool

If you looked like Marlon Brando

Or Liz Taylor

If you’re in your seventies

You are thought to be a fool

If you looked like Marlon Brando

Or Liz Taylor