72 Miles From The Sea

Saturday, 3 July 2021

The first time I took my girlfriend home

So that my mum could meet her

She wore a big green shirt and huge gloves

And my mum said she was a keeper

If getting sexual gratification

From the Beano is your belief

Then that would be known

To most people as Comic relief

I launched a new book,

Aimed at children, today

And I hit one of the little sods

Before they ran away

I tried my hand at fortune telling

Using an old snow globe

And I became very good at predicting

Really cold winters

I was Masturbating up on the roof

But unfortunately, I was seen

My boss gave me a second chance

So effectively wiped the slate clean

A month without alcohol

Isn’t what makes January dry

What does, is sex without foreplay

Or indeed the use of KY

My father has suffered

A long series of seizures recently

So far, he’s lost his cars, house,

Yacht and a Villa on Capri