FROGGY

 

In France, frogs live

Under French skies

And French frogs eat

Obviously French flies

 

 

STD

 

Std meant standard telephone dialing

And was progress and intended to ease

Initials STD are also used to abbreviate

The term “sexually transmitted disease”

 

Now you cannot get an STD on your own

I hope you understand and get the gist

Nor can you catch it from the telephone

But you can catch it from a telephonist

THAT FIT’S

 

I was walking home from the pub last night

With Dai Evans when we had a sudden fright

A blood-curdling scream suddenly rang out

Something was in pain of that we had no doubt

I said, “it sounds like something’s having a fit”

He replied “it sounds like a tight one, isn’t it?”

OH GOD

 

Why oh why I just can’t see

Why God created the bee

The only reason I can see

Is because he liked the honey

 

Why, is my interlocutor?

Did God create the alligator?

My conclusion at this stage

They make very good luggage

 

Why oh why I must remark

Why did God create the shark?

After eons here’s the scoop

All I can say is shark fin soup

 

Why oh why I cannot grasp

Did God create the wasp?

I cannot think of anything

Wasps are simply irritating

 

Why oh why I do not know

Did God create the mosquito?

There is no reason as I say

He must have had a bad day

 

Why oh why for heaven’s sake

Did God ever create the snake?

A bad idea I’ve always felt

But they do make a good belt

 

Why oh why I ask with no rider

Why did God create the spider?

Common sense it just defies

Though they do eat the flies

 

Why oh why to heaven I cry

Why did God create the fly?

They don’t have a nice song

I think god just got it wrong

 

Why I’ve been asking for a while

Did God create the crocodile?

Not a creature that I would choose

But they make very good shoes

VERY PHILOSOPHICAL

 

Abstract thoughts in civilization

Represent rational investigation

There is absolutely no substitution

For a genuine lack of preparation

The careful and precise application

Of terror is also a form of communication

Follow these without any hesitation

And enjoy the looks of consternation

HANDS ON

 

The trouble with life is that its only when

You’re halfway through which is a sin

You realize that actually it’s for real

And it’s a “participation” kind of deal

FRUITFUL LIFE

 

If life deals you lemons

Make lemonade they said

If it deals you tomatoes

Make Bloody Mary’s instead