A QUESTION OF COMBUSTION

 

I have a question in the back of my mind

Nagging at me and making me frown

Why is it that when my home was burning up?

My house was actually burning down

PARADOXICALLY ENGLISH

 

English is a very peculiar language that I will grant

E.g., there’s no ham in hamburger or egg in the eggplant

Many foreign visitors never quite manage to grapple

With the fact that there is no pine or apple in a pineapple

English muffins were not invented in England in fact

And French fries were not invented in France to be exact

But if foreigners can’t understand us, I don’t give a fig

If a guinea pig is not from Guinea and it’s not even a pig

So, what if quicksand takes you down slowly, who cares?

And does it matter if the Boxing rings are really squares

PLAYING WITH WORDS

This thought occurred to me

Just the other day

Why do people play at a recital?

Yet recite at a play

VOX POP

I don’t have a problem with phone in’s per se

I don’t mind the public having their own say

The public has a right to freedom of speech

And to prevent them would be a clear breach

They all have their own opinion that I know

I just don’t want to hear them on the radio

AND REX TIS’ YOU

 

Instructions printed on toilet paper

Is really the daftest caper

But reading the instructions

Is an even dafter aberration

And then when you’re reading

You find that you’re actually learning

But the daftest one of them all

Is when you suddenly feel small

And you realize that all along

You have been doing something wrong

A COOL SMOKE

Having a smoking section in a restaurant

Is so un-cool

It’s like having a peeing section

In a swimming pool

I WANT IT ALL

You can't have everything

That’s true enough I’d say

And if you did have everything

Where would you put it anyway?