LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE, #2

 

According to Murphy’s law

If anything can go ill

Horribly wrong or awry

It almost certainly will

AT THE SCHOOL GATE

 

A leafy suburban avenue

Nice and quiet as a rule

But this peaceful avenue

Leads to a junior school

Alone or in twos and threes

They begin to arrive

Up the road in time

For home time at three oh five

In variety they gather

Mostly mums or minders

Aunts or siblings

And dads in growing numbers

Some arrive on foot

But mostly they have a ride

Some plod wearily

While others proudly stride

An illegally parked parent

Falls foul of the law

And the language matches

From the driver’s door

The throng of adults

Arranged about the gate

Gossip and chat idly

While they stand and wait

The door bursts open

And boisterous kids spill out

Some crane neck to see

While others give a shout

Some appear dishevelled

And others prim and neat

Untucked clothes

And laces flap about their feet

Some run to the gate

Others trudging and lagging

With coats or bags following

Behind them dragging

The children drawn like moths

Towards the light

Amidst the heaving throng

The families reunite

Occasionally one’s dispatched

At a parent’s behest

To retrieve forgotten items,

A lunch box or a vest

Not all the children leave

At home time though

Some stay an hour or two

Before its time to go

Working parents

Unable to find someone to sub

Need to send their children

To after school club

In minutes the disgorging mass

Drifts from the gate

The crowd dispersing

As a stream of cars evacuate

It came like a tornado

Who’s sound assaults the ear

Then once more returned

To peaceful leafy suburbia

MAGIC SLIDE

 

Three thirsty men were trekking through the hot desert

And for the presence of a water hole, they were alert 

After many days search, they came across a magician

Their first thought was that it was only an apparition

“We need water” to the magician the men all cried

He just held up a hand as he stood atop a long slide

''You may each go down the slide” said the magician

“Asking for a drink as you go is your only mission”

 “You will arrive at the bottom before you can blink

And land with a splash in a huge glass of that drink”

The first man went down the slide and shouted ''Beerrr!''

And with a splash! He landed in a huge glass of beer

The second man went down the slide shouting ''lager!''

And with a splash! He landed in a huge glass of lager

Having watched the first two enjoy their drinks with glee

The third man went down the slide shouting ''wheeeeeeeee!'''

LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE, #1

Newton’s law states that

To every human action

The universe has an equal

And opposite reaction

I STRUGGLE WITH CERTAIN ACTORS

 

I struggle with certain actors

When giving cinematic recitals

Like De Niro and Pacino

They should come with subtitles

ROSES ARE RED # 2

 

Roses are red

Apples are green

You are a cutie

And I’m really keen

BE MY VALENTINE # 3

 

On Valentine’s Day

The bat said to his girlfriend

“You're fun to hang around with”

And the paper clip said to the magnet?

“I find you very attractive”