had been a most unproductive Friday and I was not in the best of moods.
I had been on the phone all morning, not one of my favourite activities, firstly I had a very long winded call from my agent about a literary dinner in Swindon, which was now only a few days away, he thought I should attend as I was nominated in two categories, I had decided just to ignore it as it was in Swindon.
I wasn’t keen at all and I normally only accepted those kinds of invitations in order to facilitate a night of carnal debauchery with Claire Andrews, also known as Dr Lazarus.
So I declined, my agent insisted, I declined again, he insisted again, I declined more emphatically, he insisted more forcefully,
Eventually and with great reluctance I agreed if for no other reason than to get him off the phone.
I then called Claire to see if she was available to disgrace her self in my company once again this time in Swindon.
At first she was up for it but as it was only a few days away so she had to decline, basically in Rugby parlance she had to "declare a blood injury" so that was that.
Then I called my cousin Molly, always good company and always a good shag,
Strike two, she was on nights for the next week.
Georgia was working that night; Pandora had to look after the kids and so on and so fourth.
So not only did I have to go to Swindon and rub shoulders with a bunch of self obsessed writers I now had to stay over night without one of my favourite bed warmers.
So it was late afternoon when I decided it was time to shower and get ready for my date with Georgia, well I say date it was more of a mission.
She would be returning to University at Roehampton in a few weeks time for her final year.
And Georgia and a bunch of friends had rented an old Victorian house and I was helping her move her stuff in.
Under normal circumstances they would have moved in at the beginning of July but the week before their tenancy began the water tank in the loft sprang a leak and brought down the ceiling and made quite a mess.
So the occupancy had been delayed while the repairs were being done, now that they were complete the whole group were moving their stuff in.
They did have the option to renew their tenancy in the house they were in the previous year but it had turned out to be a bit of a slum.
I was going to walk up to Georgia’s when she finished work so we could load all her stuff into the Gregory’s Peugeot estate.
We would then unload her stuff into her room, have a take away with her friends then I would leave her up there to unpack her stuff and drive the car back to Bushy Down and then she would come back by train on Sunday morning.
All of her friends were staying in the house until term began but Georgia needed to work at the club until the very last minute to earn as much cash as possible.
I had no idea what to wear to sit and socialize with students a decade younger than I.
I was still pondering this conundrum when there was a knock on the French window.
When I looked I couldn’t see anyone at first but on closer perusal I could see it was Emily Gomez.
Emily was wearing knee length blue shorts, tight like leggings and a kind of short floral summer dress, scooped down at the front, fitted at the waist and just about long enough to cover her bum.
“Hello hon” I said opening the door
“Where’s your buddy?”
Her “buddy” was Jenny Smithson her best friend.
Inseparable since kindergarten, a perfect friendship, they complimented each other.
Although there were similarities, they were both beauties for a start, their likes and dislikes, sense of humour but really as individuals they couldn’t be more different.
Emily was dark and dusky and had no fear Jenny was pale and freckly and would tremble in shadows.
Emily was an extrovert, precocious, a real Lolita.
She's very confident, self-assured, and pretty and she knew it though not in a cocky way.
Jenny on the other hand, though also very pretty, was unsure of it.
She was shy and socially awkward and lacked self-confidence
Being with Emily made Jenny feel more confident, daring to do things she would never do alone, she lived her life on Emily’s coat tails and without Emily she floundered.
“She’s at the dentist,” Emily answered
“Have you come to play”? I asked hopefully
“No such luck” Came the reply
I looked at quizzically
“I’m on the blob,” she said
“So no I’m not here so that you can further sully my beautiful young form”
“That’s a shame” I said “I’m pretty good at sullying”
“Yes you are,” she said wistfully
“So what’s up then?” I asked
“We have the builders in at home and mum doesn’t want me alone in the house with the rough workmen in case I get tainted or have my innocence blemished”
“And she sent you here?”
“Yes ironic isn’t it?” she laughed
What was ironic was that her parents had the builders in and she had the decorators.
It was only a few weeks earlier that I took Emily’s innocence and I had been tainting her on a fairly regular basis ever since.
“Mum said I should come here and she’ll pick me up”
“No problem” I said
“Its only for today, we’re off to Mauritius tomorrow for three weeks”
She said with slightly less enthusiasm that you would expect.
“That’s lovely isn’t it”? I offered
“Yes but I’ll miss all the fun” she said
“Fun” was Emily’s euphemism for cock
Because she was a foot shorter than me I could easily look down her top at her beautiful brown muffins and I longed to play with her chocolate teats.
“Jenny will be lost while you’re away,” I said
“You could keep her entertained,” she suggested
“Alas I think she’s too shy for that” I said regretfully
“She wants too,” Emily said indiscreetly
I thought to myself I would quite like too as well.
Then as if to change the subject she asked
“Could I have a drink?”
“Of course help yourself” I replied, “You know where the glasses are”
The glasses were in the top cupboard and being only five foot one she had to stand on tiptoe to reach and the act of stretching up her arm raised the hem of her skirt to expose the curves of her perfect little cheeks in her skin tight shorts.
When she had retrieved a glass she turned and looked at me.
"Were you staring at my bum?" she asked accusingly
"Of course"
"You’re a terrible letch,” she said
“No I’m actually a very good letch” I corrected her "don’t you like me looking?"
“Of course I do” she said and blushed and then she walked across the kitchen and said before she kissed me
“I like you touching too”
I took the opportunity to grab her tight little arse and cupped a delicious cheek in each hand.
The kiss lasted about a minute and when our lips parted she said
"Shame about the fun"
I was thinking the same thing and at that moment I cursed her curse as my cock swelled in my pants.
I thought that was a good time to leave
“Make yourself a sandwich” I said “I need to jump in the shower”
I had a lovely hot shower in the en suite although a cold one might have been more appropriate as I was sporting a huge erection.
Once out of the shower I realized I only had a hand towel “That’s barely big enough to dry my balls” I thought.
So I dabbed my face dry with it and walked off across the landing to get a bath towel from the airing cupboard, which was just inside the door of the main bathroom.
I walked across the landing and opened the bathroom door stepped through and opened the airing cupboard.
I took out a large fluffy bath towel off the top shelf and closed the door that was when I realized Emily was sat on the toilet.
Leggings and knickers round her knees and Dress hoisted up around her middle her thick black bush clearly visible.
"I'm so sorry Em" I said in a fluster "I just didn’t think"
"I am so, so sorry"
Then I hurried out of the door and back to the sanctuary of my room where I could hide my embarrassment,
I went back into the en suite and dried myself thoroughly and I was surprised to find I still had a substantial stalk on.
When I walked back into my bedroom I found Emily sitting on my bed.
I jumped when I saw her there and I flustered again.
"I really am sorry hon"
"Its ok” she said “I’m not cross, you’ve seen everything I’ve got already"
“That’s not the point” I said
I noticed her eyes were fixed on my cock and wondered what was going through her mind.
Maybe she wanted me to do her in the bathroom while she was blobby.
I hoped she didn’t want anal.
"Is your cock always hard?"
"No only when" and I nearly said when only there was a woman close by but stopped myself just in time. "You’re around"
"It doesn’t do that just for me" and she laughed
“So why is it hard now?” She asked curiously still staring at my erection.
“Dirty thoughts” I said
“Really? What were you thinking about?”
“You of course” I said “I was thinking about making love to you in that bed when you were naked, wriggling and squirming beneath me”
Then she reached out and grabbed hold of it and pulled me towards her then for the first time she took her eyes off my cock and looked at my face as she played with me.
I closed my eyes as she gently tugged on me and then I felt delicate soft kisses on my sensitive knob.
This was a surprise; I hadn’t introduced her to this yet as part of her sexual education.
Then her tongue flicked around my helmet in quick feather light licks.
And all at once in one smooth slurping instant I was in her mouth.
I could feel Emily’s fingers still caressing my shaft lightly and
I looked down just as my glistening wet knob reappeared accompanied by a sucking sound, she looked up and smiled wickedly.
And then she devoured me again with her hot mouth
I could see the bulge of my cock in her cheek as she sucked on me.
Her fingers tightened their grip on my shaft as her demerara lips were slurping around my cock.
“Oh that’s so nice Honey,” I gasped
“Wham whi whoing whit whighk?” Emily mumbled inaudibly
Which I interpreted to mean were her efforts to my satisfaction
“Oh yes Honey”
I would normally at his point be considering the next chapter of the story.
“It’s a shame she’s on the blob” I thought, I could fuck her up the arse but I hadn’t introduced her to that kind of sex and it’s really not my kind of thing anyway.
It would have to either be a titwank or as I was already in her mouth let her suck me off.
I was fast approaching the point of no return and I could tell by the lip smacking and slurping that she had already decided what she wanted to do.
One hand was on the back of her head; fingers threaded amongst her thick black curls while the other caressed her bulging cheek.
Her fingers were gripped tight around the base of my shaft and tugging on me furiously.
Then Emily took one final pause for air before my saliva soaked cock slipped comfortably between her dark lips again.
Her mouth sealed tight around my throbbing cock and snorting through her nose, her mouth joined the busy little fingers in the rhythmic wanking.
I was so close now and Emily could sense it and she was going at me like fury,
So close, so close
“Oh Emily”
My buttocks clenched tight
Closer, closer
“Emily, Emily”
And then my hands are pulling her head onto me as I shoot and her eager lips sucked me dry.
Just then the doorbell rang.
Emily was still grasping me and sucking and licking at the last of my seed.
Then her lips smacked one last time as her lips released my shaft.
“Was that ok”? She asked and kissed my helmet
“Oh yes baby” I said and I kissed her forehead
“And when you get back from Mauritius I am going to give you so much fun your toes will curl”
“Goody” she said with what could only be described as a leer
The doorbell rang again.
I quickly put some clothes on with Emily watching my every move and looking very pleased with herself, which she deserved to do, it wasn’t the best blowjob I’d ever had, but jeez it was close enough.
I grabbed her hand and went downstairs to open the door.
I sent Emily too the kitchen and I opened the door.
“Hello Mrs. Gomez” I said warmly “Emily is in the kitchen”
“Hello Simon, Thank you so much for doing this, she just wouldn’t have been safe with those builders,” she babbled her way through the kitchen door “you know how naïve she is”
Emily was sat at the table an empty plate in from of her and that was when I noticed she had a small dribble of my gentleman’s relish in the corner of her mouth.
“For goodness sake Emily, wipe that salad dressing off your lip darling”
Then to me she said
“I do apologize Simon she has such terrible manners”
Then I said, “I know she talks with her mouth full too”
Emily went bright red as she wiped my cum off her mouth with a tissue.
Mrs. Gomez excused herself and said she would wait in the car.
“You could have told me,” Emily said just as the door closed laughed and punched me.
I made sure that Emily sluiced with mouthwash before I let leave the house.
I didn’t want her going home with penis breath.
Also I wanted to give her a proper goodbye kiss before she went on holiday.
Then I had another shower.
Thursday, 26 July 2012
An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 14) What Maisie Knew
The morning after Georgia’s in car entertainment she had to be up early for work so after briefly spooning her I gave her the benefit of my early riser then she left me in bed, showered and went to work.
My work involved keeping my publisher steadily supplied with bawdy chapters, fortunately I was ahead of the game, so I went back to sleep.
I woke up suitably refreshed at 2.30pm, very decadent I know but there you have it.
I got up from my pit and walked over to the window where I threw open the curtains to let some light in.
However it was such a dark dismal afternoon it made little difference, the rain was absolutely lashing down.
I went and showered then threw on my towelling robe and went downstairs for breakfast well perhaps not breakfast, not even lunch let’s be generous and call it a late lunch.
When I got downstairs I turned on the kitchen light, picked up the kettle and walked to the sink to fill it.
As I looked out through the rain spattered window I could see a figure moving about in the garden.
I couldn’t make out who it was at first, and then I recognized the gawky gangling gate of Maisie Stewart.
I finished filling the kettle and put it back on the counter and flicked the switch.
Then I went to the back door and opened it.
“MAISIE” I shouted
At first she carried on picking up the weeds she had collected.
“MAISIE” I shouted again
This time she stood up and looked in my direction and waved.
She looked like a drowned rat her hair was plastered to her face and her short waterproof coat just served to divert the expelled water down to her dungarees, which were soaked up to the thighs.
“COME HERE” I called to her accompanied by a gesture.
She stopped what she was doing and trotted up the path to the back door.
“Hi Simon” she said her rain soaked face smiling, and then she shivered.
“Come inside, you’ll catch your death”
“Ok” she said, “have you got the kettle on?” She asked as she stepped onto the mat
“What on earth are you doing working in this weather?” I said crossly
“Where’s Frankie? I can’t believe she’s making you work in this”
“Frankie finished for the day” Maisie said “she said it was too wet, and that I should go home”
“So why didn’t you, you silly girl?” I asked squeezing her dungarees until water dripped out.
“I didn’t want to go home”
I realised then just how bad her home life must be if she would rather be outside working on a day like this.
“Right in there” I said and marched her into the utility “no more work today”
I told her to get her coat and boots off and put them on the drainer then I opened the tumble dryer.
I took out the dry towels and a bathrobe; it was the spare one that I kept for my female “guests”
It had been washed and dried because Molly got it more than a little bit spunky on her last visit.
I handed Maisie the clean robe and said
“Take off everything you have on that’s wet, pants as well if necessary, and put them in the tumble dryer then put on the robe and come into the kitchen Ok?”
Maisie nodded. Then I went out and shut the door behind me.
By the time she emerged from the utility I had made soup for us both and taken it through to the lounge where we ate it with bread rolls off trays on our laps.
As we were eating I asked her
“Why didn’t you just shelter in the garage if you didn’t want to go home?”
“I didn’t want to” she said meekly “in case you thought I was trying to steal from you again, after everything you’ve done and all”
“Well just so we’re clear in future you can go in there whenever you want”
“Thanks” she said and shivered
“Talking about jobs, I bumped into India Carrington at the Summer Ball, and she’s asked if you were available”.
“Is she the snooty cow with the horse”? She asked
“Yes” I said “I don’t know what work she has it might be shovelling muck”
“Oh I don’t mind what I do” Maisie said
“Good for you, now go and have a shower and get warmed up, you must be chilled to the bone”
“Simon?”
“Yes”
“Would you mind very much if..”?
“If what?”
“If I had a bath instead, we only have a shower at home”
“Of course you can” I said and smiled
I took her upstairs and showed her to the en suite bathroom in my bedroom, as it had a larger tub and would better accommodate her long gangly legs.
I showed her where the bubble bath and lotions and potions were and I gave her some fresh towels and left her to it.
“Enjoy” I said, “Soak for as long as you like”
“Thanks Simon, for everything”
“What do you mean?”
“Getting me all the jobs and everything, recommending me”
“I believed in you that was all” I said, “You did the rest”
I smiled and closed the door, what she didn’t realise was that my actions in helping her were driven by guilt.
I went down stairs and went to my study and decided to write for a while even though I had met my commitment for the month.
After about half an hour I went into the utility room and checked the contents of the tumble drier.
I had no idea what was in there as Maisie had already loaded it then I merely switched it on.
So firstly I took everything out, socks (still a bit damp) dungarees (still wet) tee-shirt (dry) Knickers, big and blue (dry) and that was it no bra, maybe she kept it on, unlikely I thought more likely she was just copying Frankie as she had the rest of her outfit.
I put the dungarees and socks back in and closed the door to finish them off.
I then took the tee-shirt and the big knickers into the lounge. I had already put her wet boots and jacket by the wood burner to dry and they were steaming happily.
I then draped her tee shirt over the clothes airer in front of the stove, it was dry, and I just wanted her to be able to slip into something warm when she got out of the bath.
Then I prepared to do the same thing with her pants but as I handled the big blue cotton knickers I got that tell tale stir, I was going to say in my own pants but as I wasn’t wearing any so it wasn’t appropriate, neither was the stirring or the accompanying thought that it was I who wanted to slip into something warm.
I dismissed the thought at once, it could never happen, it must never happen.
I had given my best effort, ever since that day I caught her in my garage and came within a hairs breadth of raping her, of helping her and I had helped her, and I planned to carry on helping her.
It was driven by guilt of course, for what I could have done to her but I had no ulterior motive and had, correction have no plans to help myself.
I could have taken her that night by force but I didn’t, I could have had her later that night with her consent but didn’t, even though she offered it to me on a plate.
Despite my countless character flaws and lack of morals I have done the right thing by this girl and now my cock was stirring.
I draped the big blue knickers on the dryer next to the tee-shirt and went back to my study.
It was about half an hour later when she finally came downstairs
“Simon” she called
“I’m in the study,” I answered
The door opened and her mousy mopped head appeared around the door, her face was all pink and shiny.
“I accidently dunked the bath robe in the bath” Maisie said with a giggle “so I borrowed one of your shirts is that ok?”
She stepped from behind the door wearing one of my denim shirts like a dress, she had the sleeves rolled half way up her spindly arms and the shirt tails almost reached her knees, her legs and arms were also pink from her hot bath.
In my shirt she looked even more of a tomboy and with her damp pixie cut hair quite delicious.
I tried to push thoughts of her pinkness from my mind with great difficulty.
“Your tee-shirt and panties are on the dryer in the lounge” I told her
“The rest is still in the dryer”
Then inexplicably I said
“Big knickers?” I said “very sexy”
She thought I was joking
Maisie pink cheeks went red
“Frankie recommended big knickers for freedom of movement” she said before adding
“And because she says you’re a sex maniac”
“That’s a foul slur on my good name” I said indignantly
“That’s not what I’ve heard, you have quite a reputation,” she said
“Anything in a skirt apparently”
I was about to say something wittily diverting when she said
“Except me”
I was about to protest but I did treat her differently to Emily and Jenny
It was wrong with them but I’d already had Emily and Jenny would very soon follow.
“Why don’t you want me?” she said sadly
“I didn’t say I didn’t want you Maisie,” I said “I’ve never said I didn’t want you”
“Then why haven’t you…”?
“That night in the garage I was an inch away from taking you against your will and that’s rape in anybodies language”
“But afterwards when I wanted you to, you wouldn’t” she said tearfully
“Even under those circumstances it would have been wrong”
She turned away crying, I went to hug her and she buried her face in my chest
Then through the tears she asked
“You wanted me though?”
“Yes” I answered her truthfully
“You just didn’t want to take advantage of me?
“That’s right,” I answered truthfully again
“But I want you too take advantage of me” she announced
And she kissed me on the mouth at first I resisted but my doubts melted away and it was so nice it was like tasting forbidden fruit.
Her gangly arms wrapped serpent like around my neck
After a minute or so I fondled at her tit through the denim of the shirt and she adjusted her body position so I could get both of them in hand.
Then I undid a couple of poppers on my denim shirt and slid my hand inside onto her soft belly and impatiently slid it up to cup her small pliant titty and toyed with her rapidly erecting nipple.
The kissing was becoming intense so with my right hand occupied with her titty my right grabbed a handful of shirt and pulled it upwards until my hand was touching her firm round buttocks and her breathing was deepening with every snorting exhale through her nose.
Then my hands moved around onto her hip pausing briefly before descending through her thick mop of freshly bathed mousy pubic hair and between her tender lips
The moment my finger touched her pussy she broke away from my mouth as was moaning loudly in my ear as I stroked her through the juice.
Maisie desperately clung onto me as I fingered at her and then she lifted one leg off the floor as my attentions became more intense and with the knee bent she drew her long leg up until her thigh was almost perpendicular and l made her come.
We stood there for a few moments a strange three legged beast and I suddenly thought I was barely even hard, normally under those circumstances my cock would be bursting out of my robe hard enough to break her pelvis.
This was when I broke away from her
“This isn’t right,” I said
“What’s the matter?” she begged
“I can’t do it,” I told her
“Why?” she said with tears welling up
“You know why”
“No that’s not the reason it’s because I’m ugly and worthless”
And she turned her back on me and she cried again.
I put my hand on her shoulder.
“You don’t understand,” I said walking to my desk chair
“It’s because I want you too much”
I sat down staring at the computer screen as if it held the answer to our conundrum.
“I can’t make love to you no matter how much I want to”
“But I can make love to you” she suggested
And she was sitting on my desk wiping away a tear.
“Let me make love to you Simon” she pleaded
Then Maisie leant forward, pausing briefly, allowing me to see her tits hanging inside the denim and then she kissed me slow and tender.
I felt a tug about my waist as she attempted to undo the belt of my robe. First pulling at the wrong loose end she gave a little chuckle as she kissed me then she yanked on the other end and I was undone.
She threw to one side first one half and then the other until my cock was exposed though still reluctant to join in.
Her small, slightly calloused hands were unperturbed and tugged and pulled on my semi until it finally decided to attend.
Once I had reached full erection and she had roughly exposed my bell.
She sat back on the desk and admired her handiwork.
As she sat on my desk I stroked her outer thighs as I looked forward to her sliding onto my cock as I sat in my chair.
But at the point of potential penetration a look of doubtfulness crossed her face and she said
“I don’t know what to do”
I just squeezed her thighs and answered
”Don’t worry honey, we can stop, we don’t have to do this now there will be other times”
“No Simon, you don’t understand” Maisie said
“I want to do it, but I don’t know what to do”
“Is this your first time honey?”
She nodded shyly.
Now over the past few months I had turned into something of the resident cherry popper in the village.
Which to be quite honest I didn’t mind and nor did Georgia, India or Emily.
I know some men do and they like their partner to be well versed in the sexual arts and be as skilled as a courtesan and I’ll take them like that as well.
But equally I rather enjoy driving something with very low mileage or even straight from the showroom.
“Good” I told her and she smiled
“Now I’ll show you what to do ok?”
She nodded again more confidently this time.
I told her to brace herself and lower herself onto me.
So she placed one hand on the desk and the other on the back of my chair.
She was biting her lip and frowning a little with concentration as she lowered herself towards my purple waiting head
I gripped my shaft and held it steady
I felt my helmet touching her creamy lips and Maisie's whole body trembled as her lips enveloped my knob and she grimaced as it entered her, then she stopped,
I still had one hand on my cock while the other was on her hip
There was panic on Maisie's face and she didn’t know what to do next.
“Ease yourself up honey” I said making eye contact “then down again slowly, this time a little further
My right hand was now on her buttock
She followed my instruction and down she came another inch and she let out a nervous laugh but her expression was less concerned
“And again Hon”
Up again and down now she had another inch of me in her
This time no nervous laugh but a soft short moan
Both hands were on the chair back now and both mine were on her arse
Up again and down, another two inches
And a longer moan
Her eyes were shut as she rose again and they opened wide as she slid all the way down my shaft
“Ohhhhh” she moaned at the deepest penetration
Then her gangly arms wrapped round my neck and she kissed me
“Good girl” I said
“See you could do it”
Maisie kissed my neck and began rising and falling on my shaft again and again until she jerked to a conclusion.
“Good girl” I told her kissing her shoulder
Maisie had made love to me and it was very nice but I hadn’t come yet and I had more to give her and I would because I could have her now.
“That was amazing Maisie” I lied
Maisie was very satisfied with her performance and her orgasm but she had no benchmark.
So popping her own cherry was only the beginning and I took her into the lounge and made her come again and again before she felt me explode inside her.
After I had sullied and soiled her I soaked in the tub with her before sullying her afresh before she had to be at the village shop for work.
I would sully her again another day.
My work involved keeping my publisher steadily supplied with bawdy chapters, fortunately I was ahead of the game, so I went back to sleep.
I woke up suitably refreshed at 2.30pm, very decadent I know but there you have it.
I got up from my pit and walked over to the window where I threw open the curtains to let some light in.
However it was such a dark dismal afternoon it made little difference, the rain was absolutely lashing down.
I went and showered then threw on my towelling robe and went downstairs for breakfast well perhaps not breakfast, not even lunch let’s be generous and call it a late lunch.
When I got downstairs I turned on the kitchen light, picked up the kettle and walked to the sink to fill it.
As I looked out through the rain spattered window I could see a figure moving about in the garden.
I couldn’t make out who it was at first, and then I recognized the gawky gangling gate of Maisie Stewart.
I finished filling the kettle and put it back on the counter and flicked the switch.
Then I went to the back door and opened it.
“MAISIE” I shouted
At first she carried on picking up the weeds she had collected.
“MAISIE” I shouted again
This time she stood up and looked in my direction and waved.
She looked like a drowned rat her hair was plastered to her face and her short waterproof coat just served to divert the expelled water down to her dungarees, which were soaked up to the thighs.
“COME HERE” I called to her accompanied by a gesture.
She stopped what she was doing and trotted up the path to the back door.
“Hi Simon” she said her rain soaked face smiling, and then she shivered.
“Come inside, you’ll catch your death”
“Ok” she said, “have you got the kettle on?” She asked as she stepped onto the mat
“What on earth are you doing working in this weather?” I said crossly
“Where’s Frankie? I can’t believe she’s making you work in this”
“Frankie finished for the day” Maisie said “she said it was too wet, and that I should go home”
“So why didn’t you, you silly girl?” I asked squeezing her dungarees until water dripped out.
“I didn’t want to go home”
I realised then just how bad her home life must be if she would rather be outside working on a day like this.
“Right in there” I said and marched her into the utility “no more work today”
I told her to get her coat and boots off and put them on the drainer then I opened the tumble dryer.
I took out the dry towels and a bathrobe; it was the spare one that I kept for my female “guests”
It had been washed and dried because Molly got it more than a little bit spunky on her last visit.
I handed Maisie the clean robe and said
“Take off everything you have on that’s wet, pants as well if necessary, and put them in the tumble dryer then put on the robe and come into the kitchen Ok?”
Maisie nodded. Then I went out and shut the door behind me.
By the time she emerged from the utility I had made soup for us both and taken it through to the lounge where we ate it with bread rolls off trays on our laps.
As we were eating I asked her
“Why didn’t you just shelter in the garage if you didn’t want to go home?”
“I didn’t want to” she said meekly “in case you thought I was trying to steal from you again, after everything you’ve done and all”
“Well just so we’re clear in future you can go in there whenever you want”
“Thanks” she said and shivered
“Talking about jobs, I bumped into India Carrington at the Summer Ball, and she’s asked if you were available”.
“Is she the snooty cow with the horse”? She asked
“Yes” I said “I don’t know what work she has it might be shovelling muck”
“Oh I don’t mind what I do” Maisie said
“Good for you, now go and have a shower and get warmed up, you must be chilled to the bone”
“Simon?”
“Yes”
“Would you mind very much if..”?
“If what?”
“If I had a bath instead, we only have a shower at home”
“Of course you can” I said and smiled
I took her upstairs and showed her to the en suite bathroom in my bedroom, as it had a larger tub and would better accommodate her long gangly legs.
I showed her where the bubble bath and lotions and potions were and I gave her some fresh towels and left her to it.
“Enjoy” I said, “Soak for as long as you like”
“Thanks Simon, for everything”
“What do you mean?”
“Getting me all the jobs and everything, recommending me”
“I believed in you that was all” I said, “You did the rest”
I smiled and closed the door, what she didn’t realise was that my actions in helping her were driven by guilt.
I went down stairs and went to my study and decided to write for a while even though I had met my commitment for the month.
After about half an hour I went into the utility room and checked the contents of the tumble drier.
I had no idea what was in there as Maisie had already loaded it then I merely switched it on.
So firstly I took everything out, socks (still a bit damp) dungarees (still wet) tee-shirt (dry) Knickers, big and blue (dry) and that was it no bra, maybe she kept it on, unlikely I thought more likely she was just copying Frankie as she had the rest of her outfit.
I put the dungarees and socks back in and closed the door to finish them off.
I then took the tee-shirt and the big knickers into the lounge. I had already put her wet boots and jacket by the wood burner to dry and they were steaming happily.
I then draped her tee shirt over the clothes airer in front of the stove, it was dry, and I just wanted her to be able to slip into something warm when she got out of the bath.
Then I prepared to do the same thing with her pants but as I handled the big blue cotton knickers I got that tell tale stir, I was going to say in my own pants but as I wasn’t wearing any so it wasn’t appropriate, neither was the stirring or the accompanying thought that it was I who wanted to slip into something warm.
I dismissed the thought at once, it could never happen, it must never happen.
I had given my best effort, ever since that day I caught her in my garage and came within a hairs breadth of raping her, of helping her and I had helped her, and I planned to carry on helping her.
It was driven by guilt of course, for what I could have done to her but I had no ulterior motive and had, correction have no plans to help myself.
I could have taken her that night by force but I didn’t, I could have had her later that night with her consent but didn’t, even though she offered it to me on a plate.
Despite my countless character flaws and lack of morals I have done the right thing by this girl and now my cock was stirring.
I draped the big blue knickers on the dryer next to the tee-shirt and went back to my study.
It was about half an hour later when she finally came downstairs
“Simon” she called
“I’m in the study,” I answered
The door opened and her mousy mopped head appeared around the door, her face was all pink and shiny.
“I accidently dunked the bath robe in the bath” Maisie said with a giggle “so I borrowed one of your shirts is that ok?”
She stepped from behind the door wearing one of my denim shirts like a dress, she had the sleeves rolled half way up her spindly arms and the shirt tails almost reached her knees, her legs and arms were also pink from her hot bath.
In my shirt she looked even more of a tomboy and with her damp pixie cut hair quite delicious.
I tried to push thoughts of her pinkness from my mind with great difficulty.
“Your tee-shirt and panties are on the dryer in the lounge” I told her
“The rest is still in the dryer”
Then inexplicably I said
“Big knickers?” I said “very sexy”
She thought I was joking
Maisie pink cheeks went red
“Frankie recommended big knickers for freedom of movement” she said before adding
“And because she says you’re a sex maniac”
“That’s a foul slur on my good name” I said indignantly
“That’s not what I’ve heard, you have quite a reputation,” she said
“Anything in a skirt apparently”
I was about to say something wittily diverting when she said
“Except me”
I was about to protest but I did treat her differently to Emily and Jenny
It was wrong with them but I’d already had Emily and Jenny would very soon follow.
“Why don’t you want me?” she said sadly
“I didn’t say I didn’t want you Maisie,” I said “I’ve never said I didn’t want you”
“Then why haven’t you…”?
“That night in the garage I was an inch away from taking you against your will and that’s rape in anybodies language”
“But afterwards when I wanted you to, you wouldn’t” she said tearfully
“Even under those circumstances it would have been wrong”
She turned away crying, I went to hug her and she buried her face in my chest
Then through the tears she asked
“You wanted me though?”
“Yes” I answered her truthfully
“You just didn’t want to take advantage of me?
“That’s right,” I answered truthfully again
“But I want you too take advantage of me” she announced
And she kissed me on the mouth at first I resisted but my doubts melted away and it was so nice it was like tasting forbidden fruit.
Her gangly arms wrapped serpent like around my neck
After a minute or so I fondled at her tit through the denim of the shirt and she adjusted her body position so I could get both of them in hand.
Then I undid a couple of poppers on my denim shirt and slid my hand inside onto her soft belly and impatiently slid it up to cup her small pliant titty and toyed with her rapidly erecting nipple.
The kissing was becoming intense so with my right hand occupied with her titty my right grabbed a handful of shirt and pulled it upwards until my hand was touching her firm round buttocks and her breathing was deepening with every snorting exhale through her nose.
Then my hands moved around onto her hip pausing briefly before descending through her thick mop of freshly bathed mousy pubic hair and between her tender lips
The moment my finger touched her pussy she broke away from my mouth as was moaning loudly in my ear as I stroked her through the juice.
Maisie desperately clung onto me as I fingered at her and then she lifted one leg off the floor as my attentions became more intense and with the knee bent she drew her long leg up until her thigh was almost perpendicular and l made her come.
We stood there for a few moments a strange three legged beast and I suddenly thought I was barely even hard, normally under those circumstances my cock would be bursting out of my robe hard enough to break her pelvis.
This was when I broke away from her
“This isn’t right,” I said
“What’s the matter?” she begged
“I can’t do it,” I told her
“Why?” she said with tears welling up
“You know why”
“No that’s not the reason it’s because I’m ugly and worthless”
And she turned her back on me and she cried again.
I put my hand on her shoulder.
“You don’t understand,” I said walking to my desk chair
“It’s because I want you too much”
I sat down staring at the computer screen as if it held the answer to our conundrum.
“I can’t make love to you no matter how much I want to”
“But I can make love to you” she suggested
And she was sitting on my desk wiping away a tear.
“Let me make love to you Simon” she pleaded
Then Maisie leant forward, pausing briefly, allowing me to see her tits hanging inside the denim and then she kissed me slow and tender.
I felt a tug about my waist as she attempted to undo the belt of my robe. First pulling at the wrong loose end she gave a little chuckle as she kissed me then she yanked on the other end and I was undone.
She threw to one side first one half and then the other until my cock was exposed though still reluctant to join in.
Her small, slightly calloused hands were unperturbed and tugged and pulled on my semi until it finally decided to attend.
Once I had reached full erection and she had roughly exposed my bell.
She sat back on the desk and admired her handiwork.
As she sat on my desk I stroked her outer thighs as I looked forward to her sliding onto my cock as I sat in my chair.
But at the point of potential penetration a look of doubtfulness crossed her face and she said
“I don’t know what to do”
I just squeezed her thighs and answered
”Don’t worry honey, we can stop, we don’t have to do this now there will be other times”
“No Simon, you don’t understand” Maisie said
“I want to do it, but I don’t know what to do”
“Is this your first time honey?”
She nodded shyly.
Now over the past few months I had turned into something of the resident cherry popper in the village.
Which to be quite honest I didn’t mind and nor did Georgia, India or Emily.
I know some men do and they like their partner to be well versed in the sexual arts and be as skilled as a courtesan and I’ll take them like that as well.
But equally I rather enjoy driving something with very low mileage or even straight from the showroom.
“Good” I told her and she smiled
“Now I’ll show you what to do ok?”
She nodded again more confidently this time.
I told her to brace herself and lower herself onto me.
So she placed one hand on the desk and the other on the back of my chair.
She was biting her lip and frowning a little with concentration as she lowered herself towards my purple waiting head
I gripped my shaft and held it steady
I felt my helmet touching her creamy lips and Maisie's whole body trembled as her lips enveloped my knob and she grimaced as it entered her, then she stopped,
I still had one hand on my cock while the other was on her hip
There was panic on Maisie's face and she didn’t know what to do next.
“Ease yourself up honey” I said making eye contact “then down again slowly, this time a little further
My right hand was now on her buttock
She followed my instruction and down she came another inch and she let out a nervous laugh but her expression was less concerned
“And again Hon”
Up again and down now she had another inch of me in her
This time no nervous laugh but a soft short moan
Both hands were on the chair back now and both mine were on her arse
Up again and down, another two inches
And a longer moan
Her eyes were shut as she rose again and they opened wide as she slid all the way down my shaft
“Ohhhhh” she moaned at the deepest penetration
Then her gangly arms wrapped round my neck and she kissed me
“Good girl” I said
“See you could do it”
Maisie kissed my neck and began rising and falling on my shaft again and again until she jerked to a conclusion.
“Good girl” I told her kissing her shoulder
Maisie had made love to me and it was very nice but I hadn’t come yet and I had more to give her and I would because I could have her now.
“That was amazing Maisie” I lied
Maisie was very satisfied with her performance and her orgasm but she had no benchmark.
So popping her own cherry was only the beginning and I took her into the lounge and made her come again and again before she felt me explode inside her.
After I had sullied and soiled her I soaked in the tub with her before sullying her afresh before she had to be at the village shop for work.
I would sully her again another day.
An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 13) The Estate Of Georgia
Despite the fact I was raised as a Christian by practising Christian parents who were and indeed still are very active in their church I had never been a particularly spiritual person, not surprising you may say given my positively loose morals.
I do however believe in a power greater than myself and I am not uncomfortable calling him God
The church however has always been a different matter and I have always been dismissive about those interfering Christian do-gooders doing good works and muttering on about their relationship with God.
I never had a relationship with God other than the fact I know he exists and he knows I exist and we have always left it at that.
I had not been a regular visitor to his house since I was sixteen when I was given the option to follow my own path; my parents thought optimistically I would choose to continue on the path they had led me along but they were disappointed.
So my interactions with the church were restricted to hatches matches and dispatches and the odd Christmas carol service, that was of course until I moved to Bushy Down.
I’m still not sure what prompted me to attend St Lucy’s back in February, it may have been to mourn dear Uncle John, and it might have been the despair at my writer’s block or perhaps just a need to reset my compass.
Whatever the reason was it reawakened something in me and every five or six weeks I would find myself standing at the back of St Lucy’s yodelling out “how great thou art”.
This news of my redemption somehow reached my mothers ears sometime in July and I became a little less of a pariah.
So when in August I took Georgia up to London for the weekend to visit my parents to introduce my girlfriend to the family I was treated as the prodigal son.
There was no fatted calf but as it was my favourite there was a very nice meat loaf.
You probably think, given my obvious philandering bent, it a rather old fashioned convention introducing my girlfriend to the family but I thought it was important.
You will doubtless also suggest that someone with the morals of an alley cat like myself has no place leading on a girl like Georgia Gregory.
Well the truth is I love her; mind you I also love every woman I sleep with when I’m with them,
But Georgia is the only one I love when we are apart.
So hence the long weekend visit to the parents, a trip I don’t take often or lightly.
It all went off quite well really all things considered the family all loved Georgia to bits, not that I thought for a moment they wouldn’t, even cousin Molly popped in on Sunday afternoon and the two of them got on like a house on fire.
The only downside to the whole weekend was my mother’s insistence that we sleep in separate rooms.
If not for the fact my mother was a good Christian woman then for the simple reason that as a writer of pornography, even if its disguised as adult literature, I could not be relied upon not to disgrace and degrade Georgia under their roof.
The result of this enforced separation and the fact that we didn’t have a moment to ourselves for two days, was that by the time we left on Sunday evening we were both horny as hell.
According to the satnav the time from Muswell Hill to Kiddingstone was forty-seven minutes on that Sunday night driving the Gregory’s Peugeot estate I would have done it in thirty-five.
But when we were about ten minutes from home Georgia said urgently pointing
“Pull in here”
She was pointing at a little lay-by set back from the road.
“Why?”
“Quick I need to pee”
So I pulled off the road as instructed and came to a halt.
Georgie got out and headed to the nearest bush, so I got out to stretch my legs and I could hear her pissing behind a bush, I walked a little closer, and it was really loud like a horse.
Just then a car went past on the other side of the road and for a split second I could actually see her peeing.
Why did I think that so exciting? God I was getting a semi on.
I never used to get aroused by such things; it must have been the incident with Camilla the squirting lawyer that had affected me.
Georgia finished and stood up so I went back to the car.
When she got in the passenger seat she was holding her knickers and tights in her hand,
“What did you take those off for?” I asked
“Why do you think?” she answered
“Did you pee on them?”
”No I didn’t,” she said indignantly
“So we can have sex” she corrected me
Then she kissed me and put her hand on my semi.
“God it doesn’t take much for you does it?”
Georgia unzipped my fly and yanked my cock out
Then she went down on me and sucked me hard
When she came up for air I asked
“Remind me why we’re having sex in the car when we can do it at mine in less than ten minutes”
“Because I’m horny now” she said wriggling out of her dress
“No self control” I told her
“That’s rich” she retorted pulling off her sweater
“I was a virgin until I met you”
“God I’ve created a monster,” I said sucking her tits while slipping her two fingers.
That did it for her, not only could she not wait until we got home for a good fuck but she couldn’t wait for the foreplay.
She clambered up the seat as a shortcut to the back seat
"Don’t be daft,” I said, “get out and use the back door,
“I’m naked” she said
“Its dark no one will see” I told her
“Sod that, I’m climbing over” she persisted
“Why?”
“I cant wait” she said “I want it now, get your arse in the back seat”
In her haste to get into the back seat before me she managed to get her left foot stuck between the driver’s seat and the centre console.
It was stuck fast
“I said “get out and walk round” but horny Georgie knew better” I said rubbing it in
“Just get it out Simon”
“Ok just try to relax,” I said
“Very funny”
Well I tried my best to free her foot but it wouldn’t budge, then I slipped myself and ended up with my face two inches from her hot cunny so obviously I noshed it
Her initial protests were quickly replaced by whorish moans
As I frigged her hole with two fingers and lapped up the resulting juice with my tongue
“Fuck me Simon Fuck Me,” she screamed
That was going to be easier said than done I thought.
Then I had an idea
“Hold on while I move the seat”
I reached down and grabbed the handle, yanking it up as I pushed the seat and Georgia shot back about eight inches,
I couldn’t move the driver’s seat because of her trapped foot
But moving the passenger seat afforded me just enough space to be able to get my head and shoulders through the sunroof and with my feet in the passenger foot well I slid my cock into her burning pussy.
All I could do was put my hands on her hips to steady her and just fuck her hard and fast, which I did and we both came in a matter of minutes.
I withdrew from her and slithered back down into the car, I couldn’t resist a quick suck on her cunny lips before I opened the car door and went into the back seat.
I found Georgia half in the back looking like she’d been dragged backwards through a hedge.
Her hair was a mess and her tits were just dangling there
“Hi” I said, “How are you doing?”
“Wow” she said, “That was amazing”
And laughed so I leant forward and kissed her.
“Lets get you unstuck” I said “then I’ll take you home and finish the job”
It took about thirty seconds to free her foot it seems that once Georgia had cum her lot she relaxed and her foot pretty much freed itself.
“Done” I said sitting in the middle of the back seat.
She kind of slithered into the back of the car like a snake and latched straight onto my serpent
“I thought we’d finish at home”
She stopped sucking for a second to say
“I’m going to finish you here”
Then she slurped on me again.
I finally got her into my bed at 3.00am.
The next morning Georgia had to be up early for work so after briefly spooning her I gave her the benefit of my early riser then she left me in bed, showered and went to work.
I do however believe in a power greater than myself and I am not uncomfortable calling him God
The church however has always been a different matter and I have always been dismissive about those interfering Christian do-gooders doing good works and muttering on about their relationship with God.
I never had a relationship with God other than the fact I know he exists and he knows I exist and we have always left it at that.
I had not been a regular visitor to his house since I was sixteen when I was given the option to follow my own path; my parents thought optimistically I would choose to continue on the path they had led me along but they were disappointed.
So my interactions with the church were restricted to hatches matches and dispatches and the odd Christmas carol service, that was of course until I moved to Bushy Down.
I’m still not sure what prompted me to attend St Lucy’s back in February, it may have been to mourn dear Uncle John, and it might have been the despair at my writer’s block or perhaps just a need to reset my compass.
Whatever the reason was it reawakened something in me and every five or six weeks I would find myself standing at the back of St Lucy’s yodelling out “how great thou art”.
This news of my redemption somehow reached my mothers ears sometime in July and I became a little less of a pariah.
So when in August I took Georgia up to London for the weekend to visit my parents to introduce my girlfriend to the family I was treated as the prodigal son.
There was no fatted calf but as it was my favourite there was a very nice meat loaf.
You probably think, given my obvious philandering bent, it a rather old fashioned convention introducing my girlfriend to the family but I thought it was important.
You will doubtless also suggest that someone with the morals of an alley cat like myself has no place leading on a girl like Georgia Gregory.
Well the truth is I love her; mind you I also love every woman I sleep with when I’m with them,
But Georgia is the only one I love when we are apart.
So hence the long weekend visit to the parents, a trip I don’t take often or lightly.
It all went off quite well really all things considered the family all loved Georgia to bits, not that I thought for a moment they wouldn’t, even cousin Molly popped in on Sunday afternoon and the two of them got on like a house on fire.
The only downside to the whole weekend was my mother’s insistence that we sleep in separate rooms.
If not for the fact my mother was a good Christian woman then for the simple reason that as a writer of pornography, even if its disguised as adult literature, I could not be relied upon not to disgrace and degrade Georgia under their roof.
The result of this enforced separation and the fact that we didn’t have a moment to ourselves for two days, was that by the time we left on Sunday evening we were both horny as hell.
According to the satnav the time from Muswell Hill to Kiddingstone was forty-seven minutes on that Sunday night driving the Gregory’s Peugeot estate I would have done it in thirty-five.
But when we were about ten minutes from home Georgia said urgently pointing
“Pull in here”
She was pointing at a little lay-by set back from the road.
“Why?”
“Quick I need to pee”
So I pulled off the road as instructed and came to a halt.
Georgie got out and headed to the nearest bush, so I got out to stretch my legs and I could hear her pissing behind a bush, I walked a little closer, and it was really loud like a horse.
Just then a car went past on the other side of the road and for a split second I could actually see her peeing.
Why did I think that so exciting? God I was getting a semi on.
I never used to get aroused by such things; it must have been the incident with Camilla the squirting lawyer that had affected me.
Georgia finished and stood up so I went back to the car.
When she got in the passenger seat she was holding her knickers and tights in her hand,
“What did you take those off for?” I asked
“Why do you think?” she answered
“Did you pee on them?”
”No I didn’t,” she said indignantly
“So we can have sex” she corrected me
Then she kissed me and put her hand on my semi.
“God it doesn’t take much for you does it?”
Georgia unzipped my fly and yanked my cock out
Then she went down on me and sucked me hard
When she came up for air I asked
“Remind me why we’re having sex in the car when we can do it at mine in less than ten minutes”
“Because I’m horny now” she said wriggling out of her dress
“No self control” I told her
“That’s rich” she retorted pulling off her sweater
“I was a virgin until I met you”
“God I’ve created a monster,” I said sucking her tits while slipping her two fingers.
That did it for her, not only could she not wait until we got home for a good fuck but she couldn’t wait for the foreplay.
She clambered up the seat as a shortcut to the back seat
"Don’t be daft,” I said, “get out and use the back door,
“I’m naked” she said
“Its dark no one will see” I told her
“Sod that, I’m climbing over” she persisted
“Why?”
“I cant wait” she said “I want it now, get your arse in the back seat”
In her haste to get into the back seat before me she managed to get her left foot stuck between the driver’s seat and the centre console.
It was stuck fast
“I said “get out and walk round” but horny Georgie knew better” I said rubbing it in
“Just get it out Simon”
“Ok just try to relax,” I said
“Very funny”
Well I tried my best to free her foot but it wouldn’t budge, then I slipped myself and ended up with my face two inches from her hot cunny so obviously I noshed it
Her initial protests were quickly replaced by whorish moans
As I frigged her hole with two fingers and lapped up the resulting juice with my tongue
“Fuck me Simon Fuck Me,” she screamed
That was going to be easier said than done I thought.
Then I had an idea
“Hold on while I move the seat”
I reached down and grabbed the handle, yanking it up as I pushed the seat and Georgia shot back about eight inches,
I couldn’t move the driver’s seat because of her trapped foot
But moving the passenger seat afforded me just enough space to be able to get my head and shoulders through the sunroof and with my feet in the passenger foot well I slid my cock into her burning pussy.
All I could do was put my hands on her hips to steady her and just fuck her hard and fast, which I did and we both came in a matter of minutes.
I withdrew from her and slithered back down into the car, I couldn’t resist a quick suck on her cunny lips before I opened the car door and went into the back seat.
I found Georgia half in the back looking like she’d been dragged backwards through a hedge.
Her hair was a mess and her tits were just dangling there
“Hi” I said, “How are you doing?”
“Wow” she said, “That was amazing”
And laughed so I leant forward and kissed her.
“Lets get you unstuck” I said “then I’ll take you home and finish the job”
It took about thirty seconds to free her foot it seems that once Georgia had cum her lot she relaxed and her foot pretty much freed itself.
“Done” I said sitting in the middle of the back seat.
She kind of slithered into the back of the car like a snake and latched straight onto my serpent
“I thought we’d finish at home”
She stopped sucking for a second to say
“I’m going to finish you here”
Then she slurped on me again.
I finally got her into my bed at 3.00am.
The next morning Georgia had to be up early for work so after briefly spooning her I gave her the benefit of my early riser then she left me in bed, showered and went to work.
A Humourous Selection # 15
FEMININE CONUNDRUM # 1
I will never understand women
How is it they can pour wax, molten
Onto their naked flesh and then to boot
Rip it off pulling out the hair by the root
And yet can by completely terrified by
A spider that’s even smaller than a fly
I REALLY NEED TO MODERATE # 3
I really need to moderate
The way I live my life
Last night I drank so much
I turned into my wife
I failed to grasp simple logic
And became overly emotional
Then I talked incessantly
And made no sense at all
DO AS I SAY
My wife said, “Take off all my clothes
And throw them on the floor”
I was taken aback to be honest
Then she said “and don’t wear them anymore”
BLONDICIDE
Bimbette was found in her cell
Hanging by the ankles from a beam
She claims it was a suicide attempt
This is normal for her it would seem
When she was told that to kill herself
The rope would need to be around her throat
She said that she had tried that first
But she stopped when she started to choke
TOOTING
Come and hear grandpa play
His tuneful little flageolet
Come hear the Zufolo toot
And listen to his fipple flute
BLONDE SHOWER
Bimbette was in the shower
And spent all day in the en suite
Because it said on the shampoo bottle
“Lather, Rinse, Repeat”
FAST CARS
Cars keep getting faster and faster
Hurtling from disaster to disaster
We should slow them down again
To the speed of the drivers brain
BUFF
You’re really buff
You’re a bit of fluff
You’re a bit of stuff
Are you buff in the buff?
WENDY FOY
Sweet Wendy Foy
Fancied trendy Roy
Roy was a friendly boy
Who used Wendy Foy
Like a bendy toy
She enjoyed un-bendy Roy
And his trendy toy
That gave Wendy Joy
I will never understand women
How is it they can pour wax, molten
Onto their naked flesh and then to boot
Rip it off pulling out the hair by the root
And yet can by completely terrified by
A spider that’s even smaller than a fly
I REALLY NEED TO MODERATE # 3
I really need to moderate
The way I live my life
Last night I drank so much
I turned into my wife
I failed to grasp simple logic
And became overly emotional
Then I talked incessantly
And made no sense at all
DO AS I SAY
My wife said, “Take off all my clothes
And throw them on the floor”
I was taken aback to be honest
Then she said “and don’t wear them anymore”
BLONDICIDE
Bimbette was found in her cell
Hanging by the ankles from a beam
She claims it was a suicide attempt
This is normal for her it would seem
When she was told that to kill herself
The rope would need to be around her throat
She said that she had tried that first
But she stopped when she started to choke
TOOTING
Come and hear grandpa play
His tuneful little flageolet
Come hear the Zufolo toot
And listen to his fipple flute
BLONDE SHOWER
Bimbette was in the shower
And spent all day in the en suite
Because it said on the shampoo bottle
“Lather, Rinse, Repeat”
FAST CARS
Cars keep getting faster and faster
Hurtling from disaster to disaster
We should slow them down again
To the speed of the drivers brain
BUFF
You’re really buff
You’re a bit of fluff
You’re a bit of stuff
Are you buff in the buff?
WENDY FOY
Sweet Wendy Foy
Fancied trendy Roy
Roy was a friendly boy
Who used Wendy Foy
Like a bendy toy
She enjoyed un-bendy Roy
And his trendy toy
That gave Wendy Joy
The Love Selection # 9
I STILL CLING TO YOU
I still cling to you
For fear of drowning
In your arms
I feel secure
But it’s an illusion
Its false security
Despite your deceit
And betrayals
I still cling to you
Instead of swimming free
Not for fear of drowning
But fear of being alone
LOVE APPEARED LIKE AN EMERGING FLOWER
Love appeared like an emerging flower
Blooming like a flush on a maidens cheek
Spreading out like the wings of a bird
And taking flight upon romantic winds
Traversing the immense poetic globe
Reaching every corner of the world
Before returning to its love struck source
For there is no greater extent
To which a love can aspire
Than all around the world and back again
MANY THINGS BREAK MY HEART IN TWO
Many things break my heart in two
But the hardest thing to see
Is you softly speaking words of love
To a man who isn’t me
THERE IS BEAUTY IN THE WORLD
There is beauty in the world
Not the fake painted on kind
True beauty doesn’t wear
The artificial gloss of glamour
Or the mask of vanity
True natural beauty
Is hidden in a maiden fair
Who lives blissfully unaware
Of her great gift
Because the greatest beauty of all
Resides within
I HAD HIGH HOPES OF YOU
I had high hopes of you
But you let me down
You turned out to be inconsistent
Shifting like the desert dunes
And I can see clearly that you’re
Undependable and feckless
With feet of clay
I wasted too much time
Trying to get you to commit
I can only liken it
Too trying to nail jelly to a tree.
IN EVERY CORNER OF MY MIND
In every corner of my mind
An endless moment lives
Burnt into my memory
Glowing like an ember
That won’t die
tormenting and taunting
A loop of reminiscence
Constantly reminding me
Of the fateful moment
That I let you go
GRIEF HITS LIKE AN IRON FIST
Grief hits like an iron fist
Cloaked in a velvet glove
But grief is the ultimate price
We all have to pay for love
THE WORLD IS A COLD AND EMPTY PLACE
The world is a cold and empty place
Devoid of beauty
When you fall out of love
Colder and emptier still
When someone else
Falls out of love with you
FALLING IN LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING
Falling in love
Is a beautiful thing
And love does make
The world go round
Being in love
Is a beautiful thing
As long as the world
Keeps turning
Fall out of love
And the world stops
There is no beauty in
I WALKED HAND IN HAND WITH YOU
I walked hand in hand with you
Down a country lane just we two
In a land of a green and pleasant hue
Over a bridge where the kingfisher flew
Through woods full of telltale bells of blue
Across a field wet with morning dew
Climbed a hill amidst lamb and ewe
To a perfect spot with an unspoilt view
Where we could be alone just we two
Hold each other’s hand and bill and coo
I still cling to you
For fear of drowning
In your arms
I feel secure
But it’s an illusion
Its false security
Despite your deceit
And betrayals
I still cling to you
Instead of swimming free
Not for fear of drowning
But fear of being alone
LOVE APPEARED LIKE AN EMERGING FLOWER
Love appeared like an emerging flower
Blooming like a flush on a maidens cheek
Spreading out like the wings of a bird
And taking flight upon romantic winds
Traversing the immense poetic globe
Reaching every corner of the world
Before returning to its love struck source
For there is no greater extent
To which a love can aspire
Than all around the world and back again
MANY THINGS BREAK MY HEART IN TWO
Many things break my heart in two
But the hardest thing to see
Is you softly speaking words of love
To a man who isn’t me
THERE IS BEAUTY IN THE WORLD
There is beauty in the world
Not the fake painted on kind
True beauty doesn’t wear
The artificial gloss of glamour
Or the mask of vanity
True natural beauty
Is hidden in a maiden fair
Who lives blissfully unaware
Of her great gift
Because the greatest beauty of all
Resides within
I HAD HIGH HOPES OF YOU
I had high hopes of you
But you let me down
You turned out to be inconsistent
Shifting like the desert dunes
And I can see clearly that you’re
Undependable and feckless
With feet of clay
I wasted too much time
Trying to get you to commit
I can only liken it
Too trying to nail jelly to a tree.
IN EVERY CORNER OF MY MIND
In every corner of my mind
An endless moment lives
Burnt into my memory
Glowing like an ember
That won’t die
tormenting and taunting
A loop of reminiscence
Constantly reminding me
Of the fateful moment
That I let you go
GRIEF HITS LIKE AN IRON FIST
Grief hits like an iron fist
Cloaked in a velvet glove
But grief is the ultimate price
We all have to pay for love
THE WORLD IS A COLD AND EMPTY PLACE
The world is a cold and empty place
Devoid of beauty
When you fall out of love
Colder and emptier still
When someone else
Falls out of love with you
FALLING IN LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING
Falling in love
Is a beautiful thing
And love does make
The world go round
Being in love
Is a beautiful thing
As long as the world
Keeps turning
Fall out of love
And the world stops
There is no beauty in
I WALKED HAND IN HAND WITH YOU
I walked hand in hand with you
Down a country lane just we two
In a land of a green and pleasant hue
Over a bridge where the kingfisher flew
Through woods full of telltale bells of blue
Across a field wet with morning dew
Climbed a hill amidst lamb and ewe
To a perfect spot with an unspoilt view
Where we could be alone just we two
Hold each other’s hand and bill and coo
A Humorous Selection # 14
CALL CENTER MODE ONCE MORE
One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her
"Hello how can I help you?"
Said the tech support guy
“What kind of computer do you have?
“A white one” was her reply
HOW DO YOU WANT IT CUT?
Bimbette ordered herself
A small pizza to go
“How do you want it cut”?
The guy asked, then
“Do you want it cut?
Into ten slices or eight”
“Oh just eight
I’m not hungry enough for ten”
WHEN THE MONTH GOES ROUND
When the month goes round
Beware what ever you do
My wife not only has PMS
She has GPS too
Which means she’s a crabby bitch
And she can find you
VAGUE INTEREST
When first I saw her
I thought her vaguely fascinating
But on further study
She was only fascinatingly vague
ON ALERT
I hate living under the threat
Of terrorism every day
I can remember when if you saw
An unattended bag on the railway
You would say to yourself
I’m going to have that away
THE SAME OLD COIFFURE
Sally always had
The same old coiffure
And thought that
Her marriage was secure
But her husband chose
A new style of hair
And she found one day
He was no longer there
I REALLY NEED TO MODERATE # 1
I really need to moderate
The way I live my life
Last night I drank so much
I turned into my wife
I argued over nothing at all
Behaved like a holy terror
And I refused to apologise
When I was obviously in error
COUNTRY WATCH
I went to the countryside
And you know when I looked
I could see animals roaming about
That were totally uncooked
I REALLY NEED TO MODERATE # 2
I really need to moderate
The way I live my life
Last night I drank so much
I turned into my wife
I lost the ability to rationalise
I couldn’t think logically
And couldn’t grasp the offside law
Then I had to sit down to pee
F.L.O.
The police knocked at my door
And gave me the fright of my life
First they asked me my name
Then showed me a picture of the wife
“I’m afraid it looks like she’s been
Hit by a bus,” the officer said to me
I nodded and said in reply “I know
But she has a lovely personality”
Monday, 16 July 2012
The Love Selection # 3
LOVE IS LAYERED
Love is layered,
Sedimentary
Each layer secured
By the one above
Love is not shallow
Love is deep
And does not lay
Beneath a fragile crust
GOOD OLD JOHN
Good old John
You were always there
Nothing too much trouble
Always on hand to advise
To give a helping hand
Good old John
Steady dependable John
Unselfish, good egg John
Smiling humble John
Ever reliable
Good old John
I see you now in hindsight
Waiting in the wings
Holding a watching brief
Biding your time
Good old John
Simple undermining John
Conniving deceitful John
Smiling conspiring John
My wife’s friend John
Good old John
There you were
Pouring poison in her ear
Drip, drip, drip
But she saw through you
Good old John
BENEATH THE SUN ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT # 1
Beneath the sun on the Isle of Wight
Amidst the fun at Blackgang chine
I spotted her amongst the crowd
And vowed that I would make her mine
TO BE A SPECIAL LOVE
To be a special love
It should fit like a glove
But what I cannot tell
Is does the glove fit her as well?
It too must be a perfect fit
That is it, and all about it
To be a very special love
It should fit her like a glove
One ill fitted hand
And the love will never stand
Both should set foursquare
To be a perfect pair
A LONG AGO WORLD
A long ago world
In Days of innocence
And a wondrous summer
We stood on the cusp
Of loves first awakening
When Feeling awkward and gawky
We took our first faltering steps
In the realm of love
Wearing swim shorts
And self conscious blushes
It was a guiltless time
When holding hands
Was a physical pleasure
And stolen kisses
Seemed to last forever
If I had the presence of mind
I would have bottled that summer
And when I felt
Tarnished by the world
I would take a long sip
And be refreshed
BENEATH THE SUN ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT # 2
Beneath the sun on the Isle of Wight
I first laid eyes on the lovely Gill
And on that sweet summers day
I lost my heart forever at Robin Hill
THE NEWS CAME
The news came,
As bad news does
Out of the blue
At break neck speed
And hit me like a train
With deaths hateful sting
Numbing me to the core
Leaving me speechless
And too arid to cry
Before the pain burst through
Bringing forth the bitter tears loves
Despair washed over me
Until I was drowning in sadness
I sank in its frigid waters
To the depths of my soul
So bitter was the news
The loss so acute
I was broken in two
Lying beaten
On the ground
I could feel no worse
I could sink no lower
Then like kicking an injured dog
Remorse hit me
Like a tidal wave
Knocking me off my feet
Why didn’t I tell him?
Why didn’t I say?
I love you too
IT HAPPENS AGAIN AND AGAIN # 1
It happens again and again
A simple smile and I dare to dream
That this might be the one
But alas no it’s a familiar theme
AMBER EYES
She had amber eyes
Which marked her out
Such a rare and beautiful hue
You might say it made her special
And special she was
This girl with amber eyes
But not for the rarity of the hue
But for an even rarer quality
This girl with amber eyes
Was so special because
She was beautiful inside and out
I WOULD CROSS AN ARID DESERT PLAIN
I would cross an arid desert plain
Sail upon a sea of hurt and pain
Traverse landscapes bleak and bare
Climb great mountains of despair
Navigate thru skies black with thunder
And lightning bolts to strike asunder
This and so much more I will gladly do
Just to spend some time with you
Love is layered,
Sedimentary
Each layer secured
By the one above
Love is not shallow
Love is deep
And does not lay
Beneath a fragile crust
GOOD OLD JOHN
Good old John
You were always there
Nothing too much trouble
Always on hand to advise
To give a helping hand
Good old John
Steady dependable John
Unselfish, good egg John
Smiling humble John
Ever reliable
Good old John
I see you now in hindsight
Waiting in the wings
Holding a watching brief
Biding your time
Good old John
Simple undermining John
Conniving deceitful John
Smiling conspiring John
My wife’s friend John
Good old John
There you were
Pouring poison in her ear
Drip, drip, drip
But she saw through you
Good old John
BENEATH THE SUN ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT # 1
Beneath the sun on the Isle of Wight
Amidst the fun at Blackgang chine
I spotted her amongst the crowd
And vowed that I would make her mine
TO BE A SPECIAL LOVE
To be a special love
It should fit like a glove
But what I cannot tell
Is does the glove fit her as well?
It too must be a perfect fit
That is it, and all about it
To be a very special love
It should fit her like a glove
One ill fitted hand
And the love will never stand
Both should set foursquare
To be a perfect pair
A LONG AGO WORLD
A long ago world
In Days of innocence
And a wondrous summer
We stood on the cusp
Of loves first awakening
When Feeling awkward and gawky
We took our first faltering steps
In the realm of love
Wearing swim shorts
And self conscious blushes
It was a guiltless time
When holding hands
Was a physical pleasure
And stolen kisses
Seemed to last forever
If I had the presence of mind
I would have bottled that summer
And when I felt
Tarnished by the world
I would take a long sip
And be refreshed
BENEATH THE SUN ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT # 2
Beneath the sun on the Isle of Wight
I first laid eyes on the lovely Gill
And on that sweet summers day
I lost my heart forever at Robin Hill
THE NEWS CAME
The news came,
As bad news does
Out of the blue
At break neck speed
And hit me like a train
With deaths hateful sting
Numbing me to the core
Leaving me speechless
And too arid to cry
Before the pain burst through
Bringing forth the bitter tears loves
Despair washed over me
Until I was drowning in sadness
I sank in its frigid waters
To the depths of my soul
So bitter was the news
The loss so acute
I was broken in two
Lying beaten
On the ground
I could feel no worse
I could sink no lower
Then like kicking an injured dog
Remorse hit me
Like a tidal wave
Knocking me off my feet
Why didn’t I tell him?
Why didn’t I say?
I love you too
IT HAPPENS AGAIN AND AGAIN # 1
It happens again and again
A simple smile and I dare to dream
That this might be the one
But alas no it’s a familiar theme
AMBER EYES
She had amber eyes
Which marked her out
Such a rare and beautiful hue
You might say it made her special
And special she was
This girl with amber eyes
But not for the rarity of the hue
But for an even rarer quality
This girl with amber eyes
Was so special because
She was beautiful inside and out
I WOULD CROSS AN ARID DESERT PLAIN
I would cross an arid desert plain
Sail upon a sea of hurt and pain
Traverse landscapes bleak and bare
Climb great mountains of despair
Navigate thru skies black with thunder
And lightning bolts to strike asunder
This and so much more I will gladly do
Just to spend some time with you
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