LET YOUR WIND GO FREE

WINDY WILL

Blow, blow thou inner wind -
Thou art so unkind
As man's flatulence
Thy toot is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude

UNCONTAINABLE

The fetor of the sewerage farm
With its strong offensive smell
Could not be easily confined
Behind the high palings of its cell

A TRIBUTE TO LE PÉTOMANE

I got the tell tale sign
As I was stood in crowd
And I knew its containment
Would not be aloud
So what should I do?
Release a silent gaseous cloud
And slowly move away
Or just let rip long and loud
A fart of which
Le Pétomane would be proud

TRAPPED WIND

You feel the gripey twinge
Your tummy starts to grown
It always happens in the lift
When you’re not alone

You know it wont be held
You just hope there is time
To get off the lift
Before you commit the crime

And just when you think
You cant hold it anymore
The lift comes to a stop
Though its not your floor

But you decide to get off
As you cant hold it anymore
And release a quiet fart
As you step through the door

You sigh with relief
You made it just in time
And then the doors closes
On the scene of the crime

And even though
You’re on the wrong floor
You know your smelly fart
Is the otherside of the door

CALL FOR SETH

If you need a job doing
Then you need Seth
He is cold, deadly
And as ruthless as MacBeth
He strikes with a deadly puff
A foul satisfying breath
He is the flatulator
The noxious dealer of death

NOT WHAT IT SEEMS

Just because when you fart
It sounds like an angels breath
It doesn’t mean for a moment
That it will not smell like death

A FORCE OF NATURE

It may be like fabric tearing
Or maybe gunfire shooting
It maybe like a trumpet sounding
Or some other musical tooting

It may be like a despairing sigh
Or like a balloon deflating
It maybe like a duck quacking
Or some small mamals mating

But whether loud or soft
Short or long, musical or flat
There’s one thing for sure
You can’t keep it in so that’s that

AN AIR OF DISAPPROVAL

I am not embarrassed
When the trumpet sounds
Like when Joshua brought
Jericos walls falling down

But my wife feel differently
And her face does frown
When I happen to loudly fart
As we are walking in town

LOVE COLLECTION # 2

THE GIFT

If I could, I would bring you such a gift
That would see your spirits lift
And up to heaven you would soar
So I could be with you once more
And I could tell you to let go
Let all the bitter tears flow
Like the late September rain
So that you can learn to love again
That is the gift that I would give
Because I want to see you live

WILL MY PLEA ABOVE

Will my plea above
To gladden and cheer
My ardent call for love
Fall on deafened ear

Is there not but one
Who will hear my plea
And fill me with joy
Please, please hear me

Don’t leave me all alone
Let me share my love
Please have mercy
Oh hear my plea above

Take heed of my plea
Just another soul to love
Gentle and replete
And as precious as a dove

WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE

When you love someone
And you know that they love you,
When they speak your name
It no longer sounds the same

IT ISN’T LOVE

It isn’t love, when you kiss all the time
Lust is what that is
The bits in between the kissing
Now that’s where the love is

I LOVE YOU IS SOMETHING

”I love you” is something
You should only say
If you mean it
But if you mean it
When you say it
Say it all the time
In case she forgets it

THE END

I knew this time would come
I knew there would be an end
So don’t try to justify yourself
And no we can’t still be friends

LITTLE MARY

Little Mary
Neat and petite
A little angel
Short and sweet

Little Mary
Hold my hand
As we walk
Along the Strand

Little Mary
Give me a kiss
On your sweet lips
My little miss

Little Mary
Here’s my heart
Its not much
But it’s a start

Little Mary
Take my hand
Then you can wear
My wedding band

SILKEN

Beneath my fingers, Her
Skin, quivering, simpering,
Was like living silk

IS IT THE RIGHT TIME?

I’m not sure I’m ready to say it
But I know I really feel it
So I will tell you that I love you
And hope that you love me too

LOVE COLLECTION # 1

BUT DON’T TELL ME

I know you want to end it
But don’t tell me at the hotel
Don’t tell me at the café
I know I won’t take it well
Don’t tell me at the restaurant
Don’t tell me by the pool
Don’t tell me on the beach
Don’t make me look a fool
You can tell me in the ocean
And realise all my fears
Tell me as we swim in the sea
Then you won’t see my tears

ONLY SKIN DEEP

You are truly beautiful
But beauty is only skin deep
Isn’t that what they say?
Only skin deep?

But looking through my eyes
Who ever said those words
Would think that they
Now sound quite absurd

For to say of you
That beauty is just skin deep
Must stir the angels hearts
And make them weep

You are truly beautiful
To the core of your being
It’s not just your skin
That I am seeing

Your beauty emanates
From your soul,
Gracing every atom,
That makes the beautiful whole

From the marrow of your bones
It outwardly flows
So on your lustrous skin
Your beauty glows

I REMEMBER LINDA

I remember way back when,
And my first schoolboys crush
When just to look at Linda
Was like being hit with a sugar rush

I remember when she said
“I really like your shirt by the way”
Well I was so in love with her
That I wore that shirt every day

THAT’S LOVE THAT IS

My big sister really loves me
I know this because, you see
All her old clothes she gives to me
But that’s not all, I’ve just begun
Because when she is all done
She has to go and buy new ones
That’s love that is

WHEN WILL I REACH THE MAIN EVENT?

When will I reach the main event?
I’m tired of dainty canapés
I’ve had too many hors d'oeuvres
They are getting on my nerves
When will I reach the Entrée?
When will I meet the one I seek?
My life long dining companion

TOO OBVIOUS FOR ME

Every morning, I watched you
As you got on the bus with graceful ease
You skirt just the wrong side of modest
Your blouse low cut to tease
I never knew your name
You were just the flirt in a skirt
My friend was obsessed by you
But although I could look at you with lust
You were not for me, not quite my cup of tea
I liked the quiet girl, two seats in front
Who got on and off the bus unnoticed
Except of course for me, I saw her
And I knew her name, and I married her

FOURSOME

I’m in love with A
Alas she likes B
B fancies C
But C wants me

LONELY GIRL BY THE WINDOW

Lonely girl by the window
Looking out on the world
As ever alone in her room
By the window sits the girl

She watches from the window
As the world passes her by
As always alone in her room
She sits by the window and cries

Lonely girl by the window
Sits at the window and dreams
And hopes that life for her
Isn’t as despairing as it seems

She watches from the window
Wishing in her lonely solitude
With all the hope in her heart
That one day she will be rescued

SWEET LOVE SONG

Each word leaving
Your sweet lips
Is like a velvet caress
Your words are like poetry
Each syllable, honey coated
Every sentence
Dripping with nuance
The formed verses
Of loves refrain
All at once
Lightening my heart
And touching my soul

IN THE CLOUDLESS NIGHT SKY

In the cloudless night sky
Each star clear
In the heavens
Sparkling like sequins
On a ball gown
Are you there?
In heavens firmament
Are you the bright star?
The one more beautiful
Than its neighbour
A thing of beauty
As you once were
At my side

METICULOUSLY REHEARSED

I was prepared
I had it all planned out
Every word
Every gesture
Meticulously rehearsed
Till word perfect

I was prepared
For excitement
Unconfined joy
Tears of happiness
Words of love
And utter delight

I wasn’t prepared
For your reaction
Your unkind words
Your gestures
Tears of laughter
And utter rejection

WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?

When did it happen?
How did I not notice?
What distracted me?
Or have I been blind
Where did she go?
The awkward girl of yesterday
Where is that ungainly creature?
When did you become a woman?
Have I been blind all this time?
When did you bloom into woman hood?
When I looked away
You were an ugly duckling
When I looked back
A bird of paradise
When did you become so beautiful?

THE SEVENTIES

If the 60s was the decade of dreams
Then the 1970’s was the decade of nightmares
It was the decade when
The German hex over England began
As in the heat of Mexico, in 1970
They knocked us out of the World Cup,
And it all went downhill from there
The defeat to Germany
Was to be England’s last appearance
In the World Cup Finals for 12 years.
The following year saw Arsenal,
The team we all love to hate,
Do the League and cup double.
1972 saw me enter the work place
And I’ve been there ever since, but I’m not bitter.
1973 was a mixed year
Manchester United were relegated to division 2,
The Washington Redskins lost in the Superbowl
And a significant other entered my life.
1974 United won promotion as champions
But Liverpool won the FA Cup and they blossomed
Into a force that would dominate for years to come.
The following year Liverpool won the league title
In 1976 Southampton beat United in the cup final,
All the worse as my future father in law was a saint’s fan
The high point of the decade came in 77 when
United won the FA Cup, beating Liverpool 2-1
Normal service resumed for 1978
As I discovered there was more to girls
Than holding hands and stealing kisses.
And that they very definitely weren’t,
All sugar and spice and all thing nice
My significant other left me for an accountant,
Who supported Luton Town,
And to add insult onto injury was ginger
1979 United lost in the Cup Final to Arsenal
And so ended the decade of disappointments
When the only thing naffer than the music
Were the 70’s fashions
The decade that didn’t even have style
Or a decent musical accompaniment
The 70’s when dreams turned to nightmares

THE SIXTIES

The sixties, what a decade
I was only five, when in 1960
The Beatles hit the scene
And the following year
JFK took office as President
In 1962 a very significant appointment,
That of Alf Ramsey as England Manager,
Who brought us the Wingless Wonders.
The reborn Manchester United
Rising phoenix like from the ashes of Munich
Won the FA Cup in 1963.
In 1964 I held hands with Carole Duffy,
A very wonderful event at the time,
1965 saw United win the League title
And the mini skirt first appeared
The latter was less significant when I was 10
Then in 66 England won the world cup
(And yes the ball did cross the line)
United won the League again the following year
And then fulfilling the dream,
So cruelly crushed 10 years before,
Manchester United won the European cup in 1968.
1969 was famously the year
That Linda McMahon first kissed me
Oh and Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.
For me it was a decade of dreams coming true
A time when I thought life just couldn’t get any better
And I was right, because then came the 70s

WHAT I WANT YOU TO WEAR

I’m looking forward to our date
I hope you dress appropriately
A dress would be nice,
If not a loose fitting top
And skirt, flared,
Its more flattering,
Nothing figure hugger
And definitely no trousers
Stockings obviously, not tights
I don’t want your bum to look like robber
Garters are acceptable,
A nice lacy ring
Suspenders would be better
I like to ping
A bra, if you must
Nothing too fiddly
Front loading is ok
As long as it’s obvious
I hope you’re wearing granny pants
I’m not a fan of thongs
Or anything tight
Granny pants are quick release
And I want you bare arsed ASAP
That’s how I want the evening to end

THE RELUCTANT VOYEUR

It was a hot summer day,
Carrie was home from uni
And sitting in the shade,
She couldn’t abide the sun,
Hidden from view
In a quite corner of the garden
Lost in solitary thought
When stepmother Julie
Walked out from the house,
The garden being very private,
And Carrie not due back till later
Julie thought she was alone.
Carrie was about to say hello
When Julie slipped off her dress
To stand naked on the lawn
Arms stretched above her head
She pirouetted like a ballerina
Showing her self off
To her secluded surroundings,
Celebrating her nakedness
Offering herself to the sun
Then she lay down on a blanket
Carrie was again about to speak
But found herself unable
She was mesmerized
By the tableaux before her,
And a little arroused
Which surprised her
Not being so inclined
Not being of that persuasion
She was no disciple of Sappho
But what harm could it do, to look
With no fear of discovery
She was a reluctant voyeur
But the opportunity presented itself
And she took it
Where was the harm
Watching a beautiful woman
Sunbathe naked
But then Julie started to touch
And caress her nakedness
At first Carrie looked away
Slightly embarrassed
But her curiosity drew her back
And her arousal heightened
Growing deeper with each stroke
And when Julie’s body arched in climax
Carrie let out an audile squeal
Julie glanced over in her direction
And their eyes met and Julie smiled
Then she beckoned to Carrie
A wordless invitation to join her
She arose from her place of hiding
And walked slowly to her step mum
Where for the first time
Carrie enjoyed Sapphos sweet embrace