LOVE IS.....

Love is…
The beginning
And the end
And everything in between

Love is…
Taking moments
And making memories
Together

Love is…
The unspoken,
The unwritten,
All the things
We don’t have to say

Love is…
The golden thread
Binding us together

Love is…
The mundane,
The ordinary
And the everyday
Made extraordinary

Love is…
Not making promises
Its keeping them

Love is…
Being comfortable
With each other
Even in the silence

Love is…
Is a dream fulfilled
Or a wish come true

Love is…
Not fearing the quiet
Not doubting in the silence
Not feeding your insecurities
Not being jealous
Jealousy is not love

Love is…
Not a metaphor
Nor is it figurative
Or expressed in symbols
Love just is

New Year Bits

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION

If you have decided
You are overweight
And a diet is the solution
If you have decided
This should be
Your New Year’s resolution
Just listen to these facts
For just a moment
And then digest the information

Of all the people in Britain
There are more over weight people
Than there are average weight people
So overweight people
Are now the new average weight people
So job done, you have reached your target
You are no longer overweight
You have kept your New Years resolution
Have a cake to celebrate

JANUARY BLUES

I hate the month of January
Every single day from New Years day
To the 31st day
I hate the month of January
With every fibre of my being
You may say it’s just the January blues
That colours my views
But it’s much deeper than that.
It’s always such a long depressing month
With dreary weather and miserable people
It’s the inevitable aftermath
That follows a joyful Christmas
Its going back to work to the same depressing job
You so happily left behind you on Christmas Eve
It’s the empty bank account
And the look ahead at the five long weeks till payday
Its New Years resolutions and not keeping them
I hate the month of January
From day one, new years day
With it’s reminder of things to come
Another bloody awful year ahead
January fills me with dread

OLD YEARS NIGHT

My wife is an optimist
Which is why, she stays up
On New Years Eve
To see in the new one

I am by nature a pessimist
Which means, that I stay up
On New Years Eve
To make sure the old one has gone

A Stocking Full Of Christmas # 2

CHRISTMAS DAY IS ALMOST HERE

Christmas day is almost here
The time of year
I hold so dear

When to tradition we must adhere
When to every ear
We are sincere

A time of goodwill and cheer
A time to care
A time to share

Christmas is when we banish fear
Keep close those near
And those dear

Christmas day is almost here
The time of year
When we revere

COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS

When Jack Frost is abroad
And the Thanksgiving snow falls
When we hear the first sleigh bell’s ring
Christmas isn’t far away at all
So make those lists and join the throng
Of happy shoppers down at the mall

THE JINGLE OF SLEIGH BELLS

The Jingle of sleigh bells, herald
His coming on Christmas Eve
When Santa Claus takes the time
To fill our stocking and I believe
That Santa Claus thinks sincerely
It’s better to give than to receive

YULETIDE GATHERING

On the oak and iron studded door
There hung a wreath of yuletide
That was so pleasing to the eye
It seemed to welcome you inside

The hallway was lit with candles
Of every shape, size and hue
And tasteful Christmas decorations
Seemed to be constantly in view

Down the entire length of the stairs
Entwining the polished mahogany
Garlands of holly and evergreen
Filled the scene most sumptuously

The drawing room was minimalist
Each decoration chosen with care
The focal point was the mantelpiece
And the little stocking hanging there

In the corner stood a mighty tree
Festively decked in all its glory
But their was more to the gathering
Than just the Christmas story

Every face bore a relaxed smile
Such was the festive atmosphere
And so proud was the hostess
But not just for the festive cheer

For this was the first Christmas
For their newborn son and heir
And so proud was the mother
Of her newborn son so fair

BUT SOFTLY THE MYRIAD SNOW FLAKES FALL

But softly the myriad snow flakes fall
These infinite flakes of purest white
Like pure white down of angels wings
Floating gently from heavens height

But this is no heaven sent delight
This thing of beauty that cruelly lingers
For harshly touched is the naked earth
When touched by winters icy fingers

IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN

It’s Christmas time again
When the spirit is beautiful
When every pocket is empty
But every heart is full

OH PRETTY SNOWFLAKE

Oh pretty snowflake
Gentle on my face
Oh delicate beauty
Like Belgian lace
Oh pretty snowflake
Thing of grace
You were here
Now not a trace

SNOWFLAKES ON THE DAY

Smoke curls from the chimneys,
And dissolves into the grey
Then the clouds in exchange
Release snowflakes on the day

Soon the air is full of white flakes
Filtering the sounds of life away
The land is soon under deep snow
Of snowflakes released on the day

EVERYBODY LOVES IT

Everybody loves it
Even if they won’t admit it
From the newly bred
To the nearly dead
Christmas is the bee’s knees
From decorated Christmas trees
To candlelight and mistletoe
And every happy Ho Ho Ho
Some may not agree
At least not openly
But are quite happy
To enjoy it secretly

I WROTE A LETTER TO SANTA

I wrote a letter to Santa
Making my request
I told him what I wanted
Stating what was best

I didn’t ask for jewels
I didn’t ask for jewellery
I didn’t ask for gold
I didn’t ask for luxuries

I asked him for a gift
I consider the greatest prise
I asked him for the look of love
To be present in your eyes

I asked him for your heart
So to make me live
I asked him for your love
But theyre not his give

I wrote a letter to Santa
Making my request
I told him that I love you
I’m sure he’ll do what’s best

NOT JUST ANOTHER CHRISTMAS

Christmas has come around
It’s another Christmas dear
Another special season
So full of Christmas cheer

Just another Christmas?
We had better not forget dear
It’s not just another Christmas
Something’s different this year

What’s special this Christmas?
You’ve surely not forgotten dear
A milestone is to be reached
That’s what’s special about this year

It’s a special Christmas isn’t it?
I see the penny has dropped dear
We must hang up baby's stocking
It’s his first Christmas this year

DECEMBER HAS COME ROUND AGAIN

December has come round again
Another Christmas time is near.
That time when young and old
Almost explode with festive cheer.

DRIFTING ON THE WIND

The snowflakes drift upon the wind
And settle on the windowsill
But also on the winter winds
Comes the sting of winters chill

THE MAGICAL SEASON

Christmas cards come from absentees
Bringing so many Christmas wishes
And those you get to see in person
Are greeted with Christmas kisses

It’s the time for friends and family
Exchanging gifts beneath the tree
A time to enjoy every single moment
And make it as magical as it can be

IT WARMS MY REMINISCENT HEART

It warms my reminiscent heart
When Christmas preparations start
When the bells of Christmas chime
I am taken back to happy times
With special friends and family
And all the Christmas memories
When Christmas preparations start
It warms my reminiscent heart

CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

Of all the Christmas’s I can remember
My best Christmas’s were the ones
Where I would decorate the tree with dad
And make Christmas cookies with mum
Thread popcorn and make paper chains
Each day opening the advent calendar
Wrapping the gifts in excited secrecy
Writing cards and sending them near and far
They are just distant memories now
But they were still the very best ones
And we must make Christmas memories
Now we have our daughters and our sons

A Grown Up Christmas

EVERYONE IN THE GROTTO KNOWS

Everyone in the grotto knows
The reason for Santa’s ho ho ho’s
And why Santa’s little helper is all aglow
Because she is the latest of Santa’s ho’s
In her green woolly panty hoes
Pixie shoes with turned up toes
Her outfit held together with velcro
Everyone in the grotto knows
Santa gets inside her pixie clothes
And fills her stocking, ho ho ho

SANTA’S R & R

When Santa returns to the north pole
After his momentous Christmas eve
He is always looking forward
To his well deserved annual leave

His post Christmas R & R always begins
With a sight to make his passion burn
That of Mrs Claus festively clad
Hot and spicy to greet him on his return

In red stiletto shoes, red and white stockings
Standing seductively against the bedroom door
Then revealing her delights to her horny Santa
As her fur trimmed cloak falls to the floor

Red silk skimpies, a glimpse of her thighs
Santa is eager to quench his thirst
But Mrs Claus says heading towards the bed
“You had better warm your hands up first”

PARTY CLAUS

What does Santa do after Christmas?
Well if you want to know the truth
He parties hard with Mrs. Claus
Til they melt the snow off the roof

RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw him
You would even say it glows

All of the other reindeer
Laugh and call him awful names
And they leave poor Rudolph
To play his little snorting games

So on every Christmas Eve
Santa’s heard to say:
If you give up the cocaine
You might pull may sleigh again

But all the reindeer knew him
And his love for nose candy
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Santa’s little coke junkie

RUDOLPH THE RAMPANT

Rudolph has been grounded
And severely reprimanded
The cause is his nocturnal activity
During the season of the nativity
Donner has been knocked up
And Vixen is a favourite tup
There are many more names
Who’ve played his reindeer games
He is insatiable, even the boys
Have fallen victim of his joys
Now Santa has had enough
Since he mounted Billy Goat Gruff

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

Amidst the preparations
For the up coming festivities
There has been a lot of demand
On the Church amenities

For those of us involved
In pulling the Christmas peel
Found the time to practise
Was far less than ideal

I found it difficult to fit it in
Around work and family needs
And often practised alone
At a very late hour indeed

One night it all got too much
The final straw I can’t remember
But as a result I decided to tie
The bell rope around my member

I don’t know why it was
That I succumbed to the pressure
But I was discovered
And I was tolled off by the vicar

THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY

All year long I fancied Lucy
But she turned out to be fickle
So I thought I’d drown my sorrows
And have a few festive tipples
But I ended up in a cupboard
With a girl with hairy nipples

CHRISTMAS JOY

I have a new love in my life
That all Christmas I’ll be pleas’n
I will bring Joy to her world
When I go south for the season

The Funny Side Of Christmas

CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE WORKHOUSE # 3

It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We have been promised nouvelle cuisine
So Oliver will be asking for more

CHRISTMAS GOOSE

At Christmas time
I do like a goose
It is my one weakness
And I offer no excuse

Though it does depend
Of course on the bird
To say any different
Would be quite absurd

The quality of goose
That you are executing
Is directly related
To the bird you are goosing

CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE WORKHOUSE # 4

It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We are being treated to pot noodle
So Oliver won’t be asking for more

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 8

Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the abode
Came the rancid smell like an un-emptied commode
It made your eyes water to be perfectly crude
Wow this baby needs to start eating solid food

CAROLS BY CANDLE LIGHT

Christmas is a time
Of many traditions
Like carol singing
With candle lit processions

But not anymore
A years old tradition
Has to had to go
For fear of litigation

“Health and safety”
So gets on my wick
As this year we had
Carols by glow stick

LAST CHRISTMAS

Last Christmas
We got the winter vomiting virus
It wasn’t nice
And it was shared by all of us
It was the worst
We didn’t see much Christmas cheer
I tell you one thing
We’ve just asked for money this year

GIFTS FOR EVERYONE

Jimmy got an iPod
Sally got an iPhone
Dad got an iPad
Mum got an iRon
Happy Christmas? iThink not

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 9

Twas the night before Christmas and at the North Pole
Some of the elves will be signing on the dole
There was a bit of a cock up with the naughty and nice list
When the elves in dispatch all got totally pissed

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 10

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa was pissed,
He was so drunk in fact he couldn’t read the list
So the toys for the nice kids never left the north pole
And they all ended up with a big piece of coal

DEAR SANTA CLAUS

Dear Santa Claus
I have been good
I thought I’d mention that
So it’s understood

I don’t want
Something practical
Something useful
Nor educational

I don’t what
Something creative
Something arty
Or constructive

I don’t want
Something sporty
Something healthy
Not outdoorsy

What I want
Is an X-Box or a PS3
So I can escape
My boring reality

But I don’t want
You to bring me a Wii
It’s just too healthy
And drains my energy

CHRISTMAS GETAWAY

The sleigh is empty
The list is ticked
It’s back to base
Double quick

Mrs. Claus is waiting
To greet me
Fidgeting around
Quite excitedly

The bags are packed
And in the sleigh
We’re off to Florida
For a holiday

SAD SANTA

Santa Claus is depressed
Its declining standards you see
The naughty list is now so long
It needs storing electronically
Where as the good list has shrunk
And now fits on a sheet of A3

CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED

There's no Christmas this year
There will be no Christmas cheer
For Santa checked the naughty list
And found himself a naughty miss
Then picked her up in his sleigh
And then flew her off to St Tropez

The True Meaning Of Christmas

CS LEWIS CAME TO GOD

CS Lewis came to God
The long way round
But because of this
His faith was sound

And he knew the truth,
He called Christ’s birth
The central event
In the history of the earth

THE FIRST NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Bethlehem,
Joseph was searching for a room for them
He searched and he searched all round the town
But nowhere to stay for them could be found
So they went to a stable and in a bed made of hay
The Christ child was born on the first Christmas Day

OH GOD TO YOU WE PRAY

Oh God to you we pray
To let peace on earth come our way
Oh God to you we pray
Would that we could have our way
Oh God grant this day
That peace on earth will come our way
Oh God we hear you say
That peace on earth will come our way
If we could from this day
Just live Christmas every day

Inspired by Helen Steiner Rice (1900-1981)

SILENT NIGHT, HOLY NIGHT

Silent night, holy night
Such a sweet carol
Neither rousing nor stirring
But moving and inspiring
A carol to unite in adoration
A song to touch the soul
Poignant and joyous
Holy music at its most powerful
Simple and unpretentious

THE CHRISTMAS ANGEL

The Christmas Angel comes each year
To spread around the Christmas cheer
Though the angels seldom appear
They are still there so do not fear
And listening with the keenest ear
You will never ever be able to hear
The Christmas angel standing near
But she will look over those near and dear
As she spreads around the Christmas cheer
Then the heavenly presence we revere
Twill be gone again again until next year

SING IN PRAISE

We stand around the Christmas tree
And sing to the Christmas melodies
We thank the lord for what we are
Standing beneath the Christmas star
To celebrate the Christ child's birth
When he came to us to save the earth

REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE SIXTH OF DECEMBER

Remember, remember the sixth of December
And put your red boots out
Because that is the very special day
When St Nicholas is about

WITH OPEN ARMS

With open arms I welcome Christmas
I embrace its merriment and mirth
With open heart I welcome Christmas
To celebrate the Christ Childs birth

CHRISTMAS HAS COME

The window sill is piled with snow
The ingle nook is all aglow
We’ve cleaned and swept the floor
The wreath is hanging on the door
The lights are lit, the halls are decked
The list of tasks has all been checked
Now we’re filled with Christmas cheer
Let’s have a drink of Christmas beer
Then ring the bell and bang the drum
Rejoice, rejoice Christmas has come

ALL BOWED BEFORE THE NEWBORN

All bowed before the newborn
In that stable forlorn
Shepherds and their beasts
And the magi from the east
The noble men of wealth
Concerned about his heath
Gave gifts of myrrh, frankincense and gold
Gifts his tiny hands could not hold
And at the centre of this scene
Slept the young King serene

THEY STOOD IN BREATHLESS WONDER

They stood in breathless wonder
At the babe so meek and mild
And with their gifts they knelt
At the feet of the holy child

CHRISTMAS SKY

The winter stage is dressed in tones of white
Everywhere is quiet everywhere is bright
Houses are adorned with lights of every hue
To celebrate the Christmas hullaballoo
And the starry sky on a frost filled night
Is in truth the most wonderful sight
A sky that held the star they had to follow
Over two thousand Christmas skies ago

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN CHRISTMAS

There’s no better time than Christmas
I’ve always believed it to be so
When we remember Christ the saviour
Born two thousand years ago

There’s no better time than Christmas
When we celebrate his birth
In the sanctuary of a candlelit church
We rejoice for all we’re worth

There’s no better time than Christmas
To look beneath ageing skin
Of any of the old souls in the season
And still find a child within

There’s no better time than Christmas
I’ve always believed it to be so
When we remember Christ the saviour
Born two thousand years ago

A Stocking Full Of Christmas # 1

MOTHER CHRISTMAS, THANKS

Mums make Christmas
Only they can
That is a fact of life
Her mission is simple
Every year
Recreating the day

Christmas for her
Holidays for her
Require of her to
Illuminate the season
Supply an army
Trim and decorate
Make and manufacture
Aid and assist
Sustain and nourish

Thank her
Honour her
Assist her
Neglect her not
Kids and spouses
Should respect her

THE LITTLE CHRISTINGLE GIRL

Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Your daddy is so very far away
“Bring my daddy safely home”
These are the words you pray

Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Daddy is away at the war
“Bring my daddy safely home
Bring him safely to our door”

Oh sweet little Christingle girl
How she misses daddy far away
How sad she is, he won’t be home
To be with them on Christmas day

At Sunday school she made a christingle
She took an orange to represent the world.
And to symbolize the blood Christ shed
She took the red ribbon from her curls

Then she decorated four tooth picks
With fruits and sweets and marshmallows
These she placed in the four corners
To represented all the earthly souls

Then finally in the centre of the orange
She stood a single candle of purest white
And when lit, the candle represented
The world filled with Christ’s loving light

The sweet little Christingle girl
Took it home with her that day
And stood it in the window
So daddy would find his way

And the sweet little Christingle girl
With her daddy so very far away
Knew that when he did come home
That would be their Christmas day

SANTA’S TOYS

When Santa was a boy
No bigger than an elf
He was in the workshop
Making toys himself
But he has no time now
For making his own toys
Because he’s out delivering
To all the girls and boys

CHRISTMAS AGAIN

The advent candle is lit again
The Christmas cards are writ again
Beneath the tree gifts sit again
We’ve overspent a bit again

The Christmas table is set again
Our loved ones are met again
We drink a toast of wet again
And say merry Christmas yet again

DECEMBER, DECEMBER

December, December
The snow has come
Falling all night long
Kids its time to have some fun

December, December
Children playing in the snow
Skating and sledding
Faces all aglow

December, December
More snow will come
Then all through the winter
Kids will have more fun

KRIS KRINGLE

If there is one thing
To make the senses tingle
It’s the coming of
The good Kris Kringle

On Christmas Eve
We wait and pray
For good Kris Kringle
To come our way

WE ARE THE CAROL SINGERS

We are the carol singers
Who sing carols as we go
We sing in any weather
In rain or wind or snow

At every house or cottage
That stands upon the lane
We proudly sing a carol
In snow or wind or rain

We are the carol singers
We never feel chagrined
As we proudly sing together
In snow or rain or wind

We shake the tin for charity
Singing carols as we go
We are the carol singers
In rain or wind or snow

THE MAN IN RED

Christmas Eve
It’s time for bed
Listen for the sleigh bells
Of the man in red

Cookies and milk
By the fire place
Excitement beams
From each child’s face

Up the stairs
And fast asleep
Close those eyes
You mustn’t peep

Then when you wake
You will see
Sweets and toys galore
To fill you with glee

SANTA CLAUS REALLY LOVES HIS JOB

Santa Claus really loves his job
He doesn’t do it for the money
But some times it’s a struggle
And sometimes it’s not funny
Trying to please the kids today
Is certainly no easy task
Balancing what they deserve
Against what they ask
Sometimes Santa is impatient
With the ungrateful little buggers
And pictures them in the future
As sociopaths, fraudsters or muggers
But Santa Claus really loves his job
And most of the kids are a joy
So he does try to be patient
And see the best in every girl and boy

THE SANTA BLUES

Santa Claus works really hard
Dawn till dusk all the year long
And he is happy with his team
They are always singing a song
But in December he’s in the spotlight
And he can’t put a foot wrong
He must be on his best behaviour
When Christmas Eve comes along
He doesn’t really like the limelight
It’s the back room where he belongs
And during his great journey
When he suffers the reindeers pong
It’s for his happy team of helpers
And the cosy workshop he will long
He is much happier in the workshop
Working and Singing a Christmas song

SANTA

Santa comes but once a year
Riding on his sleigh
From his North Pole HQ
With gifts for Christmas day

Santa comes down your chimney.
To fill your Christmas stockings
With nuts, fruit and candy
And all kinds of wonderful things

So remember on Christmas Eve
To be good girls and boys
Or Santa won’t come
To bring you lots of toys

CHRISTMAS WISH

I’m not looking forward to Christmas
Not since we lost Mum this year
I’m not looking forward to a Christmas
Devoid of any Christmas cheer

Dads doing his best to lift our spirits
All though inside he’s really hurting too
He wants to make it a special time
And do the things like Mum used to do

So we decked the house with garlands
And trimmed the Christmas tree
We hung the Christmas cards on strings
So that everyone could see

Then with all the decorations up
My Dad went round us one by one
To ask us what gift we wanted
And he promised his best would be done

My sister Jules wants new clothes
Kenny wants music of any kind
The twins they want an X-Box
And the baby really doesn’t mind

Then Dad asked me “what do you want son?
What gift would stop you feeling glum”?
I said “I don’t want a present Dad
All I wish for Christmas is my Mum”

VISITING SANTA

You have to wait in line
To see Santa, but that’s fine
It’s worth every minute of queuing
And the anticipation of viewing
Santa Claus with his big belly
Wobbling like a bowl full of jelly
And his fruity chuckle you hear
In the Christmas grotto each year
Then you get to climb onto his lap
And have your special Christmas chat
Then all too soon its time to go
And Santa gives you a HO HO HO

THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING

The pudding is in the basin
The cloth is tied in a knot
We put it in the boiling water
And hear it hissing in the pot

IT’S CHRISTMAS BY GOLLY

It’s Christmas by golly
Let’s hang up the holly
It’s Christmas by golly
Let’s spend all our lolly
It’s Christmas by golly
It’s the time to be jolly

THE GOOD HUSBAND AND HIS WIFE

The good husband and his wife
Are happy partners in their life
Content in each others company
They live their life quite humbly

Yet come the time of advent
All time and effort is then spent
In the seasonal preparations
Of the coming celebrations

Where the good couple dwelt
Festive odours could be smelt
As special victuals quietly matured
As they cooked and baked and cured

This went on till advent passed
And they had cooked their last
Then the boxes were well packed
To ensure that no one lacked

The boxes were then sent on their way
To be delivered for Christmas day
To the poor and needy of the town
To those that society had let down

But not all was sent on its way
There was plenty kept for Christmas day
When friends and neighbours all
Were invited to the little church hall

Where on that Christmas day
Their bounty was on display
Biscuits, bread and well filled pies
Cakes and sweets of varying size

Roasted meats, fowl and game
Fruits and nuts of every name
And a good time was had by all
At the happy feast at the church hall

The good husband and his wife
The happy partners in each others life
Content in each others company
Sat in the corner quite humbly

Spectators at the feast of their making
Quietly satisfied with their undertaking
Content with their preparations
And happy with the Christmas celebrations