TECHNICAL TIP

This is a technical tip so listen to it
Absorb it and assimilate it
If it’s wet you may dry it
If it's dirty you may clean it,
If it squeaks you may oil it,
But if it works: don’t fiddle with it!

WANT

I want you every day
In each and everyway
With every breath I take
I want to inhale you
I want to consume you
I want to undress you
Slow and controlled
I want to peel you
Like a piece of fruit
Whose consumption
Is to be anticipated
Each layer more revealing
Exposing the sumptuous flesh
Ripe in its perfection
A sight to be savoured
A delight to be relished
I want to touch you
Feel the warmth of you flesh
Sense it tremble beneath my fingers
Feel the beating of your heart
Beneath your perfect skin
Listen to your breath sounds
Altering with each touch
I want to caress the shape of you
Touch the heat of your passion
Feel your moistness
I want you every day
In each and everyway
With every breath I take
But to you I don’t exist

MY

My skin yearns
For your gentle touch
That silken caress
Of velvet joy

My body yearns
For the warmth
Of your tender embrace
Enveloping me

My heart pleads
For you presence
To be replenished
To be refilled

My lips beg
To be softly kissed
By petal pink mouth
Of honey sweetness

My essence craves
That other entity
Which makes me whole
My soul mate

BAD RECEPTION

You sit in reception
A vacuous bimbo
Reading your mag
And thinking of bingo

You read your magazine
Quite empty headed
Smiling at men
Who’d have you bedded

If you could read our minds
What images you’d see
Vividly depicted scenes
Of lust and debauchery

You would be employed
For a very different job
With balls on your chin
And a nob in your gob

The men in the pinstripe
Would have you promoted
If you allowed yourself
To be spit roasted

The delivery driver with
“a package for yer”
Would like to bend you over
The photo copier

Even the women
Of the other persuasion
View you in their fantasies
Being used for perversions

As for myself you would see
Your bountiful naked bod
Breathless and panting
Riding my rod

It’s safer if you remain
A vacuous bimbo
Reading your mag
And thinking of bingo


This poem was inspired by a particularly unhelpful, vacuous and obnoxious receptionist in Sheffield whose complete disinterest in anything but her magazine led me to compose this ode, fuelled merely by spite and malice.
I would like to apologize in advance to the large body of very efficient, helpful and largely sexually unattractive receptionists up and down the country.

LITTERBUG JITTERBUG

Discarded from a moving car
The litter travels very far
Each piece small or big
Performs a little merry jig
Each windblown piece at play
Participates in the ballet
Plastic bags float with ease
Waltzing high upon the breeze
Sweet papers flutter
Down in the gutter
Coke cans or maybe tango
Dance the tin can fandango
While larger papers jitterbug
Thanks to the litterbug

SILK STOCKINGS

Silkily sheer
From dainty ankle
To lily white thigh

Silk stockings
Needing to be touched
Pleasing to the eye

Silk stockings
Cool to the touch
Hot to the eye

Silk delicately soft
Contrasting my ardour
These legs in silky guise

Smooth cool silk
Temptingly tactile
A feast for hand and eye

Silken stockings
Sensual silk road
That leads to paradise

BEWARE THE IDES….

Ceasar and Brutus were talking one day
About the phones with the most cachet
They discussed the best deals of the day
Then friend Brutus thought to say
“What network are you with by the way?”
Ceasar promply replied “O2 Brute”