ARE YOU WEARING A SQUINT?

Are you wearing a squint?

That’ll be because of the fine print.

I wouldn’t bother reading every bit

There's no way you're going to like it 

THE INSURANCE MAN

 

The Insurance man went

To a funeral in Glasgow

Simply because he had

Never seen a Scottish widow

FOREIGN POLICY

 

Why is it when I live in England

And I rarely drive very far

A bomb goes off in Bagdad

The insurance goes up on my car

WELL IT HAPPENED LIKE THIS

 

Isn’t it funny what people write on their insurance form declaration?

“The other car collided with mine without giving notice of its intention”

Or “I collided with a stationary truck coming in the other direction”

 

Isn’t it funny what people write on their insurance form testament?

“I’d been driving forty years when I fell asleep and had an accident”

Or “I glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment”

 

Isn’t it funny what people write in the account of their particular case?

“A lamp post bumped into my car damaging it in more than one place”

Or “a truck backed through my windscreen right into my wife’s face”

 

Isn’t it funny what people write in the account of what they saw?

 “A slow moving sad faced gentleman bounced off the roof of my motor”

Or “he admitted it was his fault as he had been knocked down before”

 

Isn’t it funny what people write in the account that they then infer?

“His occupation is gentleman but to be more accurate he’s a garage owner”

Or “after the accident a working man offered to be a witness in my favour”

 

Isn’t it funny what people write on the insurance form they fill?

 “I left it for a minute and by accident or design it rolled down hill”

Or “well on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull”

 

Isn’t it funny what people write In their account of what’s what?

“There were plenty of on lookers but alas witness’s they were not”

Or “I drove into the wrong drive and crashed into a tree I haven’t got”

 

Isn’t it funny what people write on the insurance form they supply?

“There was no damage done to the car as the gatepost will testify”

Or “I drove into the telegraph pole in an attempt to kill a large fly”

 

Isn’t it funny what people write in the account damage to life and limb?

He was all over the road I had to swerve several times before I hit him

The pedestrian had no idea in which direction to run so I ran over him

 

Isn’t it funny what people write on the insurance form they submit?

“A cow wandered into my car I was later informed the cow was a half-wit”

Or “I thought my window was down until I tried to put my head through it”