Easter Tales 2015

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER TOP?

Are you wearing an Easter Top?
Well I very much like what I see
Because there isn’t very much of it
And the contents are bursting free

YOU CAN LIKEN IT TO RUDOLF

Why does the Easter Bunny
Have such a shiny nose?
You can liken it to Rudolf
The thing actually glows
Well the answer is obvious
And I don’t mean to offend
But it’s because his powder puff
Is stuck to his rear end

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER DRESS?

Are you wearing an Easter Dress?
The big yellow ribbon is really pleasant
I’m itching to pull at that bow
So I can unwrap my Easter present

LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT ONCE AND FOR ALL # 1

Let’s get this straight once and for all
Easter does not commemorate the time
When Jesus hid eggs in the gardens
Of Gethsemane for the disciples to find

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER HAT?

Are you wearing an Easter Hat?
Well more accurately it’s a bonnet
It sits so perfectly on your head
And you’re as pretty as a sonnet

THE BEST EASTER ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 1

The best Easter actor of all time
Is something of an acting hero
And there can only be one winner
And that would be Rabbit De Niro

ARE YOU WEARING EASTER CHICKS?

Are you wearing Easter chicks?
They’re precious little honeys
But I have to be honest
I much prefer your bunnies

THE ONLY WAY THE EASTER BUNNY # 1

The only way the Easter Bunny
Can paint all of the eggs in time for Easter
Is to hire some of Santa's elves
During the slow season as casual labour

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER SWEATER?

Are you wearing an Easter sweater?
It’s one of the hand knitted ones
Though I’m not a fan of novelty knitwear
I can ogle your hot crossed buns

THE BEST EASTER ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 2

The best Easter actor of all time
Is something of an acting Ophelia
And there can only be one winner
And that would be Bunnie Bedelia

ARE YOU WEARING EASTER ANKLE SOCKS?

Are you wearing Easter ankle socks?
Well they’re right on the money
They’re perfect for the Easter Parade
And you look as cute as a bunny

EASTER MEANING

Easter bunny
In his furry suit
Baby Chickens
Soft and cute
Easter cards
Of greeting
Sing praise at the
Sunday meeting
And remember
The meaning of Easter

It’s the chocolate eggs
It’s a no brainer

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER JUMPER?

Are you wearing an Easter Jumper?
Well its contents look rather bumper
But you really don’t need a bigger size
It fits them perfectly if I may apprise

THE ONLY WAY THE EASTER BUNNY # 2

The only way the Easter Bunny
Can decorate eggs in time for Easter
Is to paint them all, otherwise
They would have to use wallpaper

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER CARDIGAN?

Are you wearing an Easter Cardigan?
Or perhaps I should ask you why?
It’s a gloriously sunny day
And there’s not a cloud in the sky

LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT ONCE AND FOR ALL # 2

Let’s get this straight once and for all
Easter Day does not commemorate
The a day in the gardens Of Gethsemane
When Jesus turned rabbits into chocolate

ARE YOU WEARING EASTER EARRINGS?

Are you wearing Easter earrings?
To mark the most holy of days
With the simplicity of the cross
It is the most symbolic of ways

WHAT CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG?

What came first, the chicken or the egg?
It’s a question as old as money
And the answer to it is quite obvious
It was in fact neither, it was the Easter Bunny

DURING THE EASTER HOLIDAY

During the Easter holiday
From coast to coast
What do you call a stuffed animal?
We call it a turkey roast

THE BEST EASTER ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 3

The best Easter actor of all time
Well maybe not but bear with me
So for this exercise he’s the winner
And Cluck Norris that would be

SO WHICH CAME FIRST

So which came first
What do you reckon?
The chocolate egg
Or the chocolate chicken

Easter Tales

ARE YOU WEARING A HARE PIECE?

Are you wearing a hare piece?
I think that’s really funny
Especially as you are dressed
As the Easter bunny

HOT CROSS BUNS

I’ve always loved hot cross buns
But they give me heartburn
You can eat one and it’s gone
But like the Lord they return

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER OUTFIT?

Are you wearing an Easter outfit?
Well you really do look good in it
And it doesn’t look risqué, not a bit
It’s a really cracking little outfit
Though all the emphasis is on the fit

ARE YOU WEARING BUNNY EARS?

Are you wearing bunny ears?
I’m glad you gave them a whirl
I think they really suit you
Will you be my bunny girl?

ARE YOU WEARING A COTTON TAIL?

Are you wearing a cotton tail?
Well you’re a very sexy rabbit
I really like dressing up games
It’s become one of my dirty habits

ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR A GIGGLE?

Are you wearing it for a giggle?
I especially like it when you wiggle
No I’m not staring at your bunny bot
No don’t get self-conscious, I’m not
Like every other red bloodied male
I’m only looking at you cottontail

EASTER ISN’T JUST ABOUT EASTER EGGS

Easter isn’t just about Easter eggs
I have a far deeper meaning in mind
Easter marks the death and resurrection
Of the saviour of all mankind

Eastertide

IT’S LENT ONCE AGAIN

It’s Lent once again
That time of year
To de-clutter, A time
To tidy and clear

But it’s not the time
To tidy the garden shed
The garage or the loft
Or even under the bed

Lent is the time when
Spring cleaning begins
When we cleanse our souls
And wash away our sins

HOLY WEEK

Holy Week
Is the last week of Lent
Which precedes Easter
Starting on Lazarus Saturday
It includes Palm Sunday
Maundy Thursday
And Good Friday
And ends on Holy Saturday

LAZARUS SATURDAY

Lazarus Saturday
Is the day preceding
Palm Sunday
Which celebrates the raising
Of Lazarus of Bethany
A day of joy and triumph
Which begins Holy Week

PASCHAL MYSTERY

The Paschal Mystery
Is a concept
Central to Christian belief
When God the Father
Sent his only Son to Earth
To accomplish man’s salvation
Via the passion, death,
And Resurrection
Of Jesus Christ

PALM SUNDAY OF THE PASSION OF THE LORD

With the Roman Rite
Of Palm Sunday
Or Passion Sunday
Holy Week begins
Marking the humble entrance
Of the Messiah
Into Jerusalem on a donkey,
So he could accomplish
His paschal mystery,
But Palm Sunday
Also marks with the
Blessing of palm leaves
The beginning
Of his journey to the cross

EASTERTIDE

Eastertide or Paschaltide
Is a festal season
That begins on Easter Sunday
And lasts for fifty days
Ending on Pentecost Sunday
Celebrated throughout
The Christian world
As a single joyful feast

ONE OF THE TWELVE - JUDAS ISCARIOT

One of the twelve
Judas Iscariot
The betrayer
The taker of coins
The lost soul
Satan’s pawn
Hanged himself
Replaced as an apostle
By Matthias

HOLY MONDAY

Holy Monday is
The Third day of holy week
Is notable for several reason
We are told in The Gospels
That amongst other things
The cursing of the fig tree
The questioning of Jesus' authority
And the Cleansing of the Temple
All took place on Holy Monday

HOLY WEDNESDAY

In Western Christianity,
Holy Wednesday
Is the Wednesday before Easter
The fifth day of holy week
Often called "Spy Wednesday",
To mark the betrayal of Jesus
By his apostle Judas Iscariot
And on Holy Wednesday
He first conspired with the Sanhedrin
To betray the Lord
For thirty pieces of silver

MAUNDY THURSDAY

Maundy Thursday
The sixth day of Holy week
Which remembers the Maundy
The day when Jesus
Washed the feet of his disciples
As well as the last supper
On the feast of Passover
And marks the start
Of the Easter Triduum,
That commemorates
The passion, death,
And resurrection of Christ

FOR A FEW SILVER COINS

One of the twelve
Chosen Apostles
Possessed of Evil?
Or pawn of Christ
Judas Iscariot met
High Priest Caiaphas
And left the temple
With the Sanhedrin bribe
“Thirty pieces of silver”
Bought an apostle
And Christ’s fate was sealed
For after the last supper
In the gardens of Gethsemane
Judas Iscariot delivered
His kiss of betrayal
Condemning them both
By that single act
To an untimely death
Judas by his own hand
And Christ on the cross

GOOD FRIDAY

Good Friday
Marks the day
The Temple Guards
Aided by the Judas kiss
Arrested Jesus
At Gethsemane
Also his interrogation
By High Priest Caiaphas
And the Sanhedrin
Who condemned him to death
Before conveying him before
The Roman governor
Pontius Pilate
Who with reluctance
Ordered his crucifixion
At the place of the Skull

HOLY SATURDAY

Holy Saturday
Is not a Mass
But a time of
Prayer and fasting
And meditating on Christ’s
Passion and Death
His Descent into Hell
And his Resurrection

EASTER VIGIL

The Easter Vigil,
Is the longest and most solemn
It begins after sundown
With The Service of Light
When a new fire is kindled
Symbolising the Light of salvation
Which is used to light
The Paschal candle
Symbolising the Light of Christ
Reminding all that
Christ is Light and life

EASTER SUNDAY

Easter Sunday
Is the most important date
In the Christian calendar
And Celebrates
The Resurrection
Of Jesus Christ
And beginning
The Great Fifty Days
Of Eastertide

ASCENSION DAY

Ascension Day
Is the fortieth day
Of Eastertide
And celebrates
With great solemnity
The Ascension of the Lord

PENTECOST SUNDAY

Pentecost Sunday is
The Feast of Weeks
White Sunday
Is the fiftieth day
And Marks the end
Of Eastertide
Celebrating the descent
Of the Holy Spirit
Upon the Apostles
And all followers
Of Jesus Christ