CHRISTMAS IS A FUNNY TIME OF YEAR

 

Christmas is a funny time of year

At no other time of year are the shops full to overflowing

With people who clearly don’t want to be there

Spending money they don’t have

On things the recipients of them won’t like

You send cards to people you haven’t seen for years

And you get cards from people you’ve never heard of

You spend the day itself

Amidst the people you’ve managed to avoid all year

You have to kiss relatives you never knew you had

Who keep farting and blaming it on the dog

You dine on roast Turkey

Which no one lists as their favourite meat

And you have to sit at the table wearing silly paper hats

When for the rest of the year you mustn’t wear a hat at the table

You eat Christmas pudding and mince pies

That give everyone heartburn

Then you all sit around a dead tree

Pretending to like the presents you open

You eat sweets and nuts that you took out of a sock

While you watch the Queens speech

Then you play parlour games suggested by someone

Who claims in their day “they had to make their own entertainment”

Who then falls asleep in his chair

But despite all of this I still love it