Colin Smith smiled when he remembered his very first girlfriend, her name was Bernadette O’Flaherty, and he would be the first one to admit that she was ever so slightly unattractive.
Bernadette's
complexion was best described as porridge like, and she had an unflattering
monobrow which prompted his brother Phil to suggested she must have fallen from
the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Although she was
considered quite a looker where she was born in Blackheath despite a large
warty nose and a bit of a ginger moustache, and tufts of red hair under her
arms which looked like she was smuggling a pair of ginger hamsters, and she had
a funny eye, so it appeared that one was looking at you and the other one was
looking for you, but love is blind, so they say.
Phil told him she had
a face like a smashed crab or a bag full of spanners, but beauty is only skin
deep, though it often looked like she had hers on inside out, and she was best
viewed in a dimmed light.
Phil suggested viewing
her from a distance would be preferable, which Colin thought was a bit unkind,
however he did always think it was best not to see her naked form but tackle
her from behind in the dark.
Her hairy legs and
hairy nipples didn’t help, and her figure was less curvy and more saggy.
She was older than him
by a few years and had certainly been around the block and she was a bit of an
old banger but on long cold dark nights she was a real bundle of fun even if
she did have a face like a well smacked arse, Bernadette was more than
acceptable for a shy young man to practice on.
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