21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 374
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To do what they shouldn’t’ve oughter
Now she has a dose of chlamydia
And Jack has trouble passing water
IF THE MASCULINE PRONOUNS
If the masculine pronouns
Are he, his and him
Why then is it the feminine
Are not she, shis and shim
THE OBESITY TIME BOMB
The media keep talking about
An obesity time bomb
Well I hope I’m nowhere nearby
When it goes off chum
THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF TALK LATELY
There’s been a lot of talk lately
In the media about blue on blue
But it shouldn’t be a surprise
Because that’s Smurf porn for you
LUXEMBOURG IS A MUCH SMALLER COUNTRY
Luxembourg is a much smaller country
But nonetheless in a tournament year
They share something with England
Which is their FIFA Ranking I fear
WE MUST REWRITE THE HISTORY BOOKS
We must rewrite the history books
King Tut was not really Egyptian
Dad was a Scot, his Mum Spanish
And he was named Tartan Carmen
A MAJOR FIRE CAUSED PANIC
A major fire caused panic
And was causing great harm
It was in the aroma candle factory
So things soon became calm
I REGULARLY DONATE BLOOD
I regularly donate blood
So I feel I’m doing my bit
But for some of the donor’s
It’s like self-harm for a biscuit
SHE SAID SHE WAS A BUSH DOCTOR
I completely misunderstood
But then I was a bit pissed
She said she was a Bush Doctor
So I thought “she’s a gynaecologist”
CHAMPAGNE TO YOUR REAL FRIENDS?
Champagne to your real friends?
And real pain to your sham friends?
Well that’s Not my idea of friends
I MISUNDERSTOOD ABOUT PPI
I misunderstood about PPI
And I really feel such a fool
I thought you got it if you didn’t
Wear your goggles at the pool
WHEN WE REACHED CRUISING ALTITUDE
When we reached cruising altitude
As we headed for another continent
The cabin light dimmed to enhance,
The appearance of our flight attendant
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