I’M NOT A CLOSET RACIST
I’m not a closet racist
I keep on telling her
Just because I dislike
The people of Narnia
WE WENT TO A POSH NEW RESTAURANT
We went to a posh new restaurant
And the food was really trash
When we saw the astronomical bill
We did the Dine and Dash
SLEAZY POLITICIANS APPEAR IN THE TABLOIDS
Sleazy politicians appear in the tabloids
As allegations are made afresh
But they all protest their innocence
Perhaps they were just pressing the flesh
ARE YOU WEARING SATIN KNICKERS?
Are you wearing satin knickers?
What a peculiar thing to say
Of course they are sat in
No one can stand up all day
ARE THESE KNICKERS SATIN?
A woman asked “Are these knickers satin?”
To an assistant who was chattin
She replied loudly for the whole shop to view
“No of course not, they’re new”
THE GLASS CEILING HAS BEEN REMOVED
The glass ceiling has been removed
For the benefit of women everywhere
It’s a positive move long overdue
It was difficult to clean way up there
MY WIFE’S BEEN GIVING ME THE SILENT TREATMENT
My wife’s been giving me the silent treatment
Which I have enjoyed if truth to tell
But every silver lining has a cloud
When the silence was accompanied by a smell
NIGEL FARAGE
Love him or loath him, Nigel Farage
Is strangely charismatic
In fact he’s quite a colourful character
Which in truth is ironic
MY ACUPUNCTURIST ATTACKED ME
My acupuncturist attacked me
When she proper lost her temper
She stabbed me with a needle
But you know, I’ve never felt better
MY FRIEND RAVED TO ME
My friend raved to me
About his orthopaedic shoe
But I think he built them up
Too much in my view
ONE IN FOUR WOMEN IN THIS COUNTRY
One in four women in this country
Are on meds for mental illness
So the rest are running around
Undiagnosed more or less
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