ON THE QUESTION OF INDEPENDENCE
On the question of independence
This is what I truly believe
The people of England, really
Don’t care if Scotland leave
ON THE QUESTION OF SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE
On the question of Scottish independence
They’ve worded it the wrong way
Don’t ask the scots if they want to go
Ask the English if we want them to stay
THE POETIC PAM AYRES
The poetic Pam Ayres
Wrote verse with a gag
And I think she looks
Like Benny Hill in drag
THE WATER FEATURE
Running Water is so therapeutic
It seems to Wash away your cares
However the exception to the rule
Is when it’s running down the stairs
LIDL
Lidl in Stevenage has closed its doors
And has been raised to the floor
To build a new Lidl superstore
Which won’t be so Lidl anymore
CHINESE FAST FOOD
We went out to pick up
A Chinese takeaway
But we were skint so we did
A Chinese Runaway
I SOLD THE VACUUM CLEANER
I sold the vacuum cleaner
I wasn’t really fussed
After all at the end of the day
It was just collecting dust
MY UNCLE COLLECTS WILD ANIMALS
My uncle collects wild animals
He’s the strangest bloke I’ve met
I offered him a really fat badger
He said no “as it didn’t fit in his set”
I SCOURED THE LATEST GLOSSY MAGS
I scoured the latest glossy mags
In search of some fashion-ism
To give some indication as to what
One wears for casual racism
I MET AN INTERESTING GIRL AT A PARTY
I met an interesting girl at a party
At first I admired her from afar
She claimed that just by knowing
The make of an individual’s car
She could discern their personality
Apparently I shouldn’t own a car
I WAS BULLIED VERY BADLY AT SCHOOL
I was bullied very badly at school
To it, my mind reluctantly returns,
I was hospitalized on one occasion
With full thickness Chinese burns
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