An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 43) Bumper Christmas Gift’s

You might be surprised to hear that I awoke in my bed on Sunday morning quite alone; it certainly made a refreshing change.
This break with tradition came about after I had the night before disproved the old adage about Santa only coming once a year by coming twice in Bernard the Elf.
Sadly after that Tilly had to leave for a prior engagement, namely dinner with her brother.

Having completed my ablutions alone I walked down to the church with Judith and Victoria as usual, though a little slower than normal due to my knee, and I was surprised to see Tilly outside the church engaged in conversation with Katy Oliver, the Vicar, and a young man I didn’t know.
“Its just one thing after another” Katy was saying
“It’s St Lucy’s day on Thursday and next weekend we have the carol concert and Christingle”
“What’s the matter? Is life testing you’re patience Vicar?”
I asked cheerfully
“No it’s testing my faith,” she said without humour and went inside.
“Now look what you’ve done” Judith said and followed in the vicar footsteps.
Victoria just looked at me and tutted and followed Judith
“I think I’ll go back to bed,” I said to Tilly, who blushed.
“What was the vicar saying anyway?” I added
“The sound system and the visual displays have packed up” Tilly replied
“Damn” I said
There was a bit of an awkward silence and then I said
“Anyway what are you doing here? I thought we were getting together for lunch”
“Tristan stayed at mine last night and he didn’t want to miss church and as I’m not a regular anywhere I thought St Lucy’s was as good as any, so here we are” she said and then almost as an after thought
“Oh by the way this is my brother Tristan”
Tristan was as different from Tilly as it was possible to get.
He was the fat to her thin, the short to her tall, and the busty to her flat.
But in one obvious way there was no difference at all he also had a friendly open face.
I shook his hand warmly and said
“Is Tristan your given name?”
“Yes, awful isn’t it”? He replied
“Well it could have been worse, just think if your folks had named you Tudor,” I said and he laughed like a drain
“Ha Ha did she tell you about Ophelia?” he asked tears running down his cheeks
“Very funny both of you” Tilly snapped and went inside.

As we came out the church Tilly said
“I rather enjoyed that”
“Did you say you’re not a regular?” I asked
“That’s right, not for years, I don’t know why I lapsed” she replied, “Tristan is a regular though”
Later at lunch, the conversation turned back to the Vicar.
“I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea, it was very out of character,” I said in defense of Katy
“It’s just such a busy time for her”
“Don’t worry” Tilly said, “I rather like Katy”
“Good” I said, “it’s not like her to snap like that, I wonder if there isn’t something else bothering her”
“I thought the same thing” Tilly said and added
“Anyway Tris and I have been talking”
“What about?” I asked
“The sound system” she said “that’s our area of expertise”
“And what conclusion did you reach?” I asked
“Well its not a complicated system,” Tristan interjected “We could easily patch it up in the short term, and after Christmas we could look at a more permanent solution maybe even replace the whole thing”
“They don’t have much money,” I added
“Not an issue” Tilly said, “we know people who know people”
“But I thought you were a “whiz kid”” I said to Tilly
“I am” she replied proudly “but there is more to Sound Bites than that”
“Are you sure you can do it”? I asked them and they both nodded.
Well I had been feeling rather guilty about my earlier flippancy with the Vicar so it was with the most selfish of motives that I suggested
“Well let’s go and make her day then”

Katy Oliver burst into tears when Tilly and Tristan put their proposal to her.
“Its divine providence” Katy Sobbed “I prayed for a solution and here you are” then collapsed in Tilly’s long gangly arms
Tristan and I made a tactical withdrawal and Tilly stayed with Katy for a while afterwards.
Tris and I took a walk round the village green and got to know each other.
He was also from Kiddingstone like Tilly but he was living in Guildford until he sold his house.
His marriage had just ended and he just wanted to off load the house and draw a line under an unhappy episode in his life.
“I wouldn’t mind living here” Tristan said “first impressions and all that”
“I wouldn’t live anywhere else” I admitted “but houses don’t come up for sale very often”
When Tilly finally reappeared it was clear that she had been crying as well and she was a little quiet for the rest of the afternoon.
When I went home I reflected that it had been a bit of an eventful day for a Sunday.
And if Sunday had been an eventful day then it merely heralded the beginning of an even more eventful week to come.

On Monday morning I was working in my study penning the next salacious instalments of my bawdy tales when I was distracted by the loud droning of an engine.
When I went to investigate I discovered Frankie and Maisie in the garden feeding sand and cement into the bucket of a cement mixer.
I had forgotten I had arranged for then to lay my new garden path, that put an end to my writing for the day.
The drone of the engine was going straight through me so I took a walk into the village.
I wandered aimlessly down the road with no particular purpose and found myself walking past Mahajak’s.
“I’ll go in and flirt with Shula” I said to myself and walked into the shop only to find Shula was nowhere to be seen.
Aunt Anjuli was behind the counter looking tired and drawn.
“Hello” I said brightly
“Hello Simon” she said flatly
“No Shula today?” I asked hopefully
“She is upstairs nursing Omid” she replied
“He’s still poorly then?” I enquired
She just nodded in response.
It was at that moment that my eye was drawn to a large stack of magazines. The Radio Times to be precise, the bumper Christmas edition.
I know that it’s a bit sad but I really look forward to getting the Bumper Christmas Edition of the Radio Times, (other TV Guides are available). It is one of the highlights of the season for me, it does sound really sad doesn’t it?
But to make it even sadder, I bought two copies.
After leaving Mahajak’s and a worried Anjuli I noticed a couple of vans outside the church.
I took a walk in that direction and I discovered Tristan and Tilly had been true to their word as one of the two vans bore the livery of Sound Bites.
I was tempted to go in and see how they were getting on but in truth I wouldn’t have been able to tell how they were progressing.
It was at the precise moment I was trying to decide whether to go to the Golf club bar or the Cross Keys when someone grabbed my arm.
I turned around to see it was Katy Oliver.
“Hello Simon” she said
“Hello Vicar, you surprised me,” I said
Than she surprised me again by giving me a bear hug almost crushing my Radio Times and kissed my cheek several times.
“You’ve saved my life” Katy said and hurried off towards the church and then over her shoulder she shouted
“I still haven’t forgiven you for what you did in the grotto though”
I didn’t think she was convinced by the charade Tilly and I put on.

When I walked past the church on Wednesday on my way to the Church committee meeting there was only the one van parked outside and there were a lot of strange noises emanating from inside.
And by Thursday everything was set for St Lucy’s Day.
It all began once the darkness had fully descended with a celebration service and then after the church service a parade of school children from St Lucy’s school process through the village carrying their Lucy lights and then throw them onto the bonfire to light the Lucy fire on the village green.
It’s all very pagan and a Swedish tradition originally, a mixture of the Christian and the pagan really, something that Victoria Braithwaite’s father introduced to the village more than forty years earlier.
It is believed that St Lucy’s light can lengthen the days
The St Lucy’s day festival was always well attended as its such a unique event.
Christians from churches far and wide attended the service and a healthy crowd both church and secular turned out for the parade, even the odd humanist had been known to turn up, but then most humanists were odd in my view.

For Reverend Katy Oliver the second weekend of advent was a test of endurance but with the success of St Lucy’s day under her belt she approached the first leg of the marathon with renewed vigour.
The Carol Concert on Saturday night was an all ticket occasion and as always it was performed to a packed house.
The sound system was excellent and the new visual displays came into their own.
But as successful as the concert was there was no time for Katy to rest on her laurels because the next morning brought the Sunday Service and the lighting of the second candle of advent.

After another success with the morning service going off without a hitch there was just time for a light lunch before she was off again.

The Christingle Service has become ingrained in Anglican worship though it has its origins in Eastern Europe and the Christingle Service is a Service of candle lights where very many years ago people gathered in the street, sang carols and collected gifts to help the less fortunate in the community.
It is a beautiful candle lit service of hymns, carols, recitations and bible readings, but Christingle goes beyond a candle light service and it tells a story.
A story is told with the symbolic use of the following items:
An orange representing the world.
A red ribbon tied around the orange to symbolize the blood of Jesus shed for his people.
Toothpicks decorated with dried fruits and sweets are placed at the four corners of the orange representing all the people of the world.
A lighted candle in the centre of the orange represents the gift of the light of Christ to the world.
Firstly the children make the Christingle lights in Sunday school, and then they carry them proudly in procession into the church where they are lit for the service.

By Sunday evening it was over, Katy had got through it, the miracle marathon had been completed and she looked visibly relieved and hugged Tilly who had been on hand at every stage of the proceedings.
Watching, supporting and worshipping.
It certainly had been a funny old week, a week in which Tilly and Tristan had saved the day, and Katy Oliver’s sanity and Katy had survived the miracle marathon and I had unwittingly got Tilly involved with the church again as a result of our dalliances and apparently rekindled the flickering flame of her faith.
I wondered, quite naturally that maybe my mission in life was in fact to be a sword-wielding soldier for Christ converting the heathen with my evangelical sex.
Well that’s my story anyway.
Anyway it was a very good week and I didn’t get my balls wet once.

The following week by comparison was a quiet one Frankie and Maisie had finished laying the path and I had only one appointment in the diary for the week in fact it was the only one until the New Year.
Due to my unexpected and out of character abstinence since the Bazaar I began the week with a lingering horniness, however I was going to be seeing Tilly on Wednesday and hoped to revisit her luxuriant beaver so that would almost certainly cure me.

As I walked to the village on Wednesday for the Church committee meeting I saw Dr Andrews leave the vicarage and get into her car, I’m sure she saw me but she didn’t stop and as she drove away I wondered what Claire was doing there after all making house calls was not in vogue.
When I got to the Church Hall I was almost the last to arrive and I found the assembled group in sombre mood.
Also in the room was a stranger who was introduced to me as the Reverend Robert Hunter, a tall good-looking man a year or two older than me.
It seemed that the stresses and strains of the previous week had taken its toll on Katy.
But by all accounts she would appear to be no more than thoroughly run down and had been advised to take a complete rest.
That was obviously the reason why Claire was leaving the vicarage.
Full bed rest for the week would hopefully put her right and she would be strong enough to participate on Sunday.
Reverend Hunter would be standing in for her wherever and whenever necessary until then.
There was still a busy program to get through, two more advent Sundays, midnight mass and Christmas morning itself.
The meeting moved on at a pace once we got started and we covered a good deal of ground.
One of the things covered was my position on the committee.
Eleanor Overend, whose position I had been substituting, would not be returning to Bushy Down, she would be selling up and moving in with her sister, so I was being made a permanent member.
For the last quarter of the meeting we planned to discuss the technical issues with the church PA system and with this in mind, Tilly was summoned into the meeting.
When I introduced Tilly to the Reverend Hunter there was an almost instant mutual attraction and to be quite honest I and the other committee members might just as well have been absent.
I had thought I might slake my libidinous thirst by imbibing deeply of the delights of Tilly’s hairy Minge but her lustful eye had clearly settled on the replacement Vicar.
So that was something of a turn up and I was clearly not to satisfy my horniness and having thought prior to the meeting that I only had one commitment until years end, I found my diary suddenly full as a result of it.
December had always traditionally been a busy one for me but this year was turning out to be an exceptionally busy one.
I was a bit fed up about it at first until I remembered Andrea’s words to me when she said
“You should give more of your self, If everyone gave one hour a week, what I change could be made to the world”
I couldn’t argue with that.

After the meeting I went into the Cross Keys for lunch and as I sat nursing my pint I sulked over my unfulfilled plan to fuck Tilly Bushe into a frenzy and came to the realisation that I wouldn’t be shagging her again any time soon.
Then a thought occurred to me and I picked up my phone and after selecting a number I waited for them to answer.
After several rings it went through to the answer phone.
“Hi Tris, Simon Fisher here” I said, “If you were serious about wanting to live in the village then you may be in luck. There is a house coming on the market very soon you might be interested in”
On Friday morning I decided I would hire a car.
I did this for several reasons, firstly my knee still wasn’t a hundred percent and as it was going to be a very hectic week ahead, secondly because several of my commitments were in Kiddingstone and thirdly I could use it to pick Georgia up from University in time for Christmas.
It was nothing too grand, just a little two-door puddle jumper, which would serve me all week.

Once I got back from Kiddingstone with the car I was still horny and a long liquid lunch did little to abate it.
When I got home I sat down in front of the TV and started watching “The Bishops Wife”, one of my favourite Christmas movies, but I lasted no more than 10 minutes before the long blinks set in so I spent the afternoon sleeping on the couch in a fitful dreamy sleep.
And it was just when I had woken from that long afternoons snoozing and surfaced from an erotic dreamland that I heard the sound of the doorbell.
The bell continued to ring as I made my way up the hall and when I opened the front door I found a rather tipsy Judith Hunt leaning against the doorframe.
“Simon darling” she slurred, “I am a damsel in distress”
“How can I help?” I said
“I’m locked out” she said “and the boys won’t be back for at least an hour”
“Could you be a dear and let me stay here until they get home?”
“Yes of course” I said just being neighbourly “Come on in party girl”
“Thank you kind sir” she said as she almost fell through the door.

“Let’s get your coat off,” I suggested
This proved to be something of an effort, but we managed it in the end and when we had she adjusted her skirt and straightened her scarlet festive top.
I sat her on a chair in the hall while I pulled her boots off revealing her festive tights with a holly leaf motif.
“Come in the kitchen and I’ll put the kettle on” I said
“Wine will do” she suggested and fell against the wall giggling.
“Coffee I think” I replied

A couple of cups later and Judith had sobered considerably and she told me all about her office Christmas lunch and how much she had enjoyed it.
Well I already knew how much she had enjoyed it by the way she fell in through the front door.
“Do you want another cup?” I asked
Judith checked her watch before replying
“Yes please, but I must have a pee first”
“Ok, I’ll take it through to the lounge” I said
I was sitting on the sofa when she tottered into the lounge, make up repaired, outfit perfect, and in one hand she held a sprig of mistletoe
“Look what I have found,” she said and as she reached me she raised it above her head.
So I puckered up and gave her a Christmas kiss and as my lips touched hers her tongue was thrust into my mouth in a wet sloppy fashion, which took me by surprise, so in the spirit of the season and just to be neighbourly I responded in kind.
I had never looked at Judith in my normal appraising manner, she had been more of a good friend or a big sister, but as her tongue energetically explored my mouth I was warming to her and seeing her in an entirely different light.
This may well have been the over indulgent boozy lunch, the unexpected nature of her embrace or more likely because I hadn’t had any for nearly two weeks.
As she was showing no signs of letting up and had consolidated her position by locking her arms around my neck I decided to press on to the next level.
My hands which had been on the small of her back slipped down to her big round buttocks and gave then a squeeze and finding them surprisingly firm they lingered there briefly before ascending beneath her festive sweater to explore her winter wonderland.
Underneath her woolly jumper my hands encountered another garment, an undershirt of some description so while I began tugging it from the waistband of her skirt she breathed sucking her tummy in to accommodate me.
It took only seconds after that before my hands where climbing her naked back towards her bra.
On reaching it I was surprised by the substantial piece of engineering between me and her tits.
I was used to more delicate items of lingerie with between 1 and 4 hooks but this had about ten.
I must confess I wasn’t counting them; I was just rushing through them as quickly as possible so I could get hold of the contents.
Judith’s slobbering lips were showing no signs of relenting in there assault on my mouth as my hands grappled with her huge tits, they felt great in my hands, they were real tits with a little bit of sag and not just overinflated silicon footballs.
Her nipples were big as well and as stiff as pencil ends.
“Hmmm” she went as I played with her stiffened nipples and it temporarily broke her contact with my mouth and she slurped noisily before reengaging.
I have to confess that the constant kissing was beginning to make my jaws ache so I thought it was time to give her something else to think about.
I released my hold on her great bulbous breasts and moved my hands quickly down to the hem of her skirt and began hoisting it upward exposing her festively stockinged thighs.
I quickly reached under the folds of fabric and finding the waistband I dragged her tights over her buttocks then I repeated the process with her knickers.
Once they were both residing a few inches above her knees I wasted no time in finding her fanny.
Her neatly trimmed bush was readily accessible but I couldn’t easily reach her Minge and pay it the attention it deserved.
Before I had time to figure out a solution she broke free of our embrace and bent forward until she was resting her hands on the arm of the sofa.
This presented me with a great view of her round white arse and more importantly ease of access to her gash, which I took immediate advantage of and slipped my fingers between her treacly lips.
The moment my fingers parted her lips she moaned the first of many acquiescing utterances as I frigged her to a satisfying conclusion.
While she was still bent over I extricated my self from beneath her and stood to take up a position behind her where I quickly unveiled my throbbing cock hungry for cunny after a week of dry balls and then I fed the beast.
I plunged deeply into her warm welcoming honey cunt and she exclaimed noisily in response and seemed to get louder with each insertion.
I reached down under her sweater and cupped her massive tits and I smiled to myself these are real bumper Christmas gifts.
I looked down as I continued to pound her pussy and thought my balls had never been as wet as she creamed me with each successive length until she screamed through gritted teeth and I emptied into her.
I stood there behind her for a moment caressing the great globes of her arse as she panted.
Then when I withdrew she sank to her knees and I sat on the sofa next to her and I looked her over with renewed interest as she lay face down with one huge white tit either side of the arm rest, her big round naked arse on display, her tights and knickers around her knees, a very horny picture which would be saved into the wank bank.
After a few minutes Judith turned her head to look at me and said
“My goodness that’s not a very good start is it?”
“What do you mean?” I asked puzzled
“Well I was married to Laurence for 25 years and was never unfaithful once” she replied
“Now I have a new man in my life, who I’ve only been dating for 3 weeks and I’ve been unfaithful to him already”
Then she laughed out loud which cased her jugs to jiggle.
Then more seriously she added
“We haven’t, you know, done it yet,
I’ve only ever been with… I had only ever been with Laurence and wasn’t sure about what to do with a new man, but there’s no need to worry about that now” And she laughed again
“Now that I’ve been unfaithful numerous times,
I am a serial adulteress,” she confessed
“You’ve only done it once” I pointed out
“I know” she said “but I thought I might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb”
“Well I think I’d better take you to my bed then” I suggested as I stood up
“Ok” she acquiesced smuggling her tits back up her sweater “but we need to have the light off my figure isn’t up to bright lights”
“Nonsense you have a lovely shape” I corrected her as I watched her pulling her kickers and tights back up
“I’m not as firm and toned as Pandora” she said “but then you would know that better than I do”
And she went out the door.
Well that rather surprised me, the fact that she knew about Pandora and I, or was she guessing?
That was not the first surprise I was going to get that evening because when I got her into bed she gave exceptionally good head before I split her whiskers again.
I eventually took her home at 8.30 all red faced, damp drawer-ed and thoroughly sullied.

2013

I HATE JANUARY

I hate January
January I do not enjoy
It has no pleasure
It has no joy

Christmas is over
All the money has gone
5 weeks till payday
January is wrong

I love December
December has it all
December is the time
To have a ball

In fact December
Has to much fun
And not enough time
To get it all done

The Festivities
Leave us in a daze
There is too much
For 31 days

So the solution
Is a simple one
I can’t believe
It hasn’t been done

Get rid of January
No one likes it
Have two Decembers
Then everything will fit

IT’S SUCH A MILD NEW YEAR

It’s such a mild New Year
All the birds are singing noisily
Noisy little bastards
Should be frozen to a tree

A CHRISTMAS SELECTION # 5

THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS TIME

The magic of Christmas time
Is all the good will it brings
But sadly it gets packed away
With the other Christmas things

THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS

The magic of Christmas
Is the Christmas cheer
What a shame it can’t last
Throughout the year

CHRISTMAS PUDDING

Christmas pudding
Boiling in the pot
Rich steamed pudding
Hissing in the pot
Christmas pudding
Singing in the pot
Turn the pudding out
Its steaming hot

CHRISTMAS STAR

The Christmas star
Festively untypical
Having poisonous milk
And being tropical
But scarlet petal-like leaves
Make them appear more topical
And star shaped flowers
Are more decoratively typical

THE THING THAT I ENJOY THE MOST

The thing that I enjoy the most
When Christmas descends
Isn’t giving and receiving gifts
It’s seeing my family and friends
Because when it comes down to it
That’s what counts in the end

SPARE A THOUGHT

We live in a selfish world
We all think of “me and mine”
It’s perfectly natural, after all
Putting family first is fine
But just take a moment
As you sit down to dine
To think of the hungry
And when the meal is done
Think of the homeless
And as you enjoy the family fun
With people who truly care
Think of those who have no one

IN TRUE DICKENSIAN TRADITION

In true Dickensian tradition
Amidst the Christmas mayhem
Even in the thronging malls
There are unforced smiles
And pleasantries exchanged
Between people with
Christmas in their hearts
Warm and heartfelt wishes
Given gladly without hesitation
One stranger to another

THE DOORBELL RINGS

The doorbell rings to announce
Arrivals from across the miles
And the spirit of the season
Is visible in the Christmas smiles

REMEMBER DECEMBER

The chilly month of December
Is the time for us to remember
In the run up to Christmas
Those who went before us
Loved ones and dear friends
Whose influence still wends
Shaping the form and style
Their memories making us smile
We remember the traditions
As they shared our celebrations

PUT A COIN IN THE BUCKET

Put a coin in the bucket
It doesn’t have to be big
Just a small token
That you won’t even miss

Put a coin in the bucket
Just drop it in
Or maybe a few
It’s good for your heart

Put a coin in the bucket
And shine a light
Into the darkest corner
Of a strangers life

Put a coin in the bucket
It’s nothing to you
But a bucket full of nothings
Will do a lot of good

WE COULD HAVE

We could have raised a glass
With all the usual crowd
We could have gone to mums
And spent Christmas in Stroud

We could have jetted off
For sand and sea and sun
We could’ve gone to my bro’s
Were they have “lots of fun”

We could have stayed at home
And just had “a quiet one”
Laughing at the annual
Morecambe and Wise rerun

But we decided to avoid this year
The usual helter skelter
And help cook Christmas dinner
At the homeless shelter

MAY THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON

May this Christmas season
Be overflowing with Christmas spirit
Enough to banish all the Grinch’s
And the Ebenezer Scrooges
And make it a very merry Christmas

CHRISTMAS ROSE

Christmas rose
The Evergreen beauty
Winter-blooming flowers
Of white or purplish hue
In wide display
Decorate the European
Landscape at Christmas

A CHRISTMAS SELECTION # 4

CHRISTMAS HOLLY

Christmas Holly
Evergreen tree
Christmas Holly
Leaves are prickly
Cut fresh Holly
Full of red berries
Help to make
The season merry

KEEP CHRISTMAS WELL

Keep Christmas well
Embrace its spirit
Feel its warmth and joy
Hold it in your heart
And keep its embers alight
Carry it with you
From one year to the next
So it will never end

CRIMBO

Bunting and frolic
Candles and smells
Garlands and gaiety
Baubles and bells
The holly and the ivy
Sprigs of mistletoe
Cookies and eggnog
Have a happy Crimbo

WITH EXPECTANT FACES FULL OF SMILES

With expectant faces full of smiles
The children sit around the tree
Waiting to get amongst the gifts
And wondering “What’s Santa got for me”

Eagerly the children sit by the tree
Their expectant smiling faces all aglow
Waiting to get amongst the gifts
On the moment when Nan says “go”

FAMILY CHRISTMASES

When I think back to those Christmases
I and my brothers and sisters shared
And all the love that filled the house
When no other time quite compared

I realized just how lucky we all were
Lucky we had a family that truly cared
Who gave us love and now that I am older
I make sure that love is liberally shared

WARM MEMORIES OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON

Warm memories
Of the holiday season
Moments of joy‚
To be forever treasured
Prayers of peace
One day to be answered
These are the gifts
I wish for us all

GRANMA JOY

I have happy memories to cherish
At my Grans when I was a boy
Her heart was so full of love
She filled the house with joy

Garlands, Balloons and bells
Hung from every beam and rafter
She made it joyful for us all
The house rang with her laughter

It was such a joyous time
I wish I could cross the years
To once more see her smile
Just thinking about her cheers

ITS NOT JUST PRESENTS

Its not just presents
That must be opened
As another Christmas starts

As well as all the gifts
We must try to open
Closed minds and hearts

CHRISTMAS TIP

If you want next Christmas
To be happy and merry
Then insure the Christmas card
You send to your sister Kerry
Has sufficient postage
And arrives before January

CHRISTMAS BUSH

The Christmas bush
Is Australian obviously
And isn’t really a bush at all
It’s in fact a shrub or tree
With red flowers for selection
As Christmas decoration

The True Meaning Of Christmas

THE BEST PRESENTS CANNOT BE BOUGHT

The best presents cannot be bought
There is no mall where they can be sought
But if you have sufficiently striven
The best present can be easily given
It resides in you, channelled from above
That most wondrous gift of eternal love

THE BLESSED SEASON

God richly blesses us
The Good Lord fulfils us
And bestows love upon us
This and every Christmas

BELLS AND SMELLS

Bells and smells
Bells and smells
Christmas all the way
Oh what fun it is to sing
Of the holy Christmas day

GLIDING IN DESCENT

Gliding in descent
On gossamer wings
The angel of the lord
Rejoicing sings
A child is born
The king of kings

THE CHURCH BELLS RING OUT

The church bells ring out
The Christmas chimes
The congregation sings out
The Christmas rhymes
So lift up your hearts
And join the joyous throng
And sing heartily to the lord
A joyous Christmas song

CHRISTMAS BLESSINGS

Throughout this seasonal time
Blessings come to us each day
The trick is to recognise them
So as not to turn them away

WHEN THE CAROLLERS SING

When the carollers sing
Their Christmas verses
Open up your hearts
And open up your purses

PRAYERS WERE SUNG

Prayers were sung
To the Heavens high
Then the angel told
The messiah was nigh
And a light of peace
Entered men’s hearts
Love filled the world
To herald a new start

THE GREAT STAR OF LIGHT

The great star of light
Graced the nativity
Where the holy family,
Mary and her child
And the Noble Joseph
Dwelt in the humble stall

The beasts in the stable
The Kings of the east
And shepherds from the hill
Witnessed the gift of love
Given by a gracious God
To the sinful world

THE HERALDS OF THE LORD

The heralds of the lord
Sung in one accord
Speaking of a child
So meek and mild
A halo on its curls
A gift to the world
A beacon in the night
Exuding loving light

Christmas Humour # 6

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 4

I've always loved my Santa
Since first we kissed
And he loves me because
I’m on the naughty list

THE LATE CHRISTMAS CARD

The etiquette for Christmas cards
Is simple, you just have to remember
If you cant get it there for the day
Make sure it still arrives in December

THE GIFT I MOST WANTED

The gift I most wanted
Was the sweetest girl
With a generous heart
A smile to banish darkness
And a warm and tender soul
To make all of my
Christmas dreams come true
But it wasn’t to be
Because I ended up with you

CRIMBLE LUST

I have a large bunch of mistletoe
And you are on my Christmas list
But I will carefully pick my moment
I don’t want to do it when you’re pissed
Because with my bunch of mistletoe
I want you to know that you’ve been kissed

EVERYONE IS SO HAPPY

Everyone is so happy
Damn them all to hell
But I drank too much last night
And today I feel unwell

The cheerful souls
Can’t abide to see a frown
And want me to turn
My frown upside down

At first I decided
That I would merely scoff
But it didn’t work
So I told them to piss off

IT WAS IN THE BELFRY

It was in the belfry
On Christmas Eve
High in the tower
I tried to retrieve
A poor little kitten
Who was stuck
When suddenly
The bell was struck
I lost my footing
And began to fall
I thought this is
The end of it all
So I had onto grab
Or surely die
My Ding dong
Merrily on high

WITHOUT SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER

Without Santa’s little helper
Christmas would be very hard
I don’t think I could do Christmas
With out my credit card

A WINTER BLUNDERLAND

Door bells ring, are you listening,
In the street, snow is glistening,
Out in the night,
There’s a hideous sight
Your mother in her winter underwear

A WINTER WONDERLAND

My bell rings, are you listening,
On your face, your lips are glistening,
A beautiful sight,
I’ll be happy tonight,
Rummaging in your winter underwear

DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY

Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
I’ll spend Christmas time with Molly
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
It should be the season to be jolly
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
But I’ve just realized my folly
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.

Stab me in the heart with holly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Dad has run away with Molly
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Stuff the turkeys arse with holly
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
Theres no reason to be jolly,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.

OH MY DEAR MRS. CHRISTMAS

Oh my dear Mrs. Christmas
You fill me with cheer
When I see you dressed
In all your Christmas gear

You look so tinsellicious
In the red velvet dress
With stockings to match
And I would like to stress

That I am looking forward
To seeing the silk underwear
And let’s not forget about
The little bit of white fur

Christmas Humour # 5

CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 4

So we could go Christmas shopping
I kept the kids home from school today
Because if I’d gone on my own
I’d have gotten the wrong sizes, so hey

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 7

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Well surely its self evident
It takes a great deal of effort
To achieve the necessary merriment
And no man is capable
Of that level of commitment

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 8

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Well there’s no evidence yet
But ask yourself if a man
Would choose to wear red velvet

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 3

I've always loved my Santa
But you might find this shocking
I’ve never loved him more
Than when his hand is on my stocking

PERSISTENT AND DISRUPTIVE WINDS

Persistent and disruptive winds,
There seems to be no doubts,
Are predicted after Christmas
And it will probably be the Sprouts

A VEGETARIAN CHRISTMAS

Do you want to celebrate?
A vegetarian Christmas
Then here you are
Have a freshly strained
Vegetable every day
With the advent colander

THE COUNCIL CHRISTMAS TREE

The council Christmas tree is dressed
And the lights were switched on in June
But don’t get yourself unduly distressed
With energy saving lights it’s not too soon
Because you must switch them on remember
So they are warmed up by December

IT’S SUCH A MILD CHRISTMAS

It’s such a mild Christmas
All the birds are singing noisily
Normally in December
They’re all frozen to a tree

MY VERY WORST CHRISTMAS EVER

My very worst Christmas ever
Was when I got an empty carton
All dog-eared and flattened out
For hours of innocent ex-box fun

ADIOS FRIEND

My Christmas wish for you,
My friend is a simple one
Have a happy time in the cold
I’m jetting off to the sun

I BUILT THE PERFECT SNOWMAN

I built the perfect snowman
Well a snow-woman actually
She was a little disproportionate
But she was perfect to me
She was a little cold
But we could’ve been happy

I wrapped her in a blanked
And took her to my bed
In the morning I was hoping,
Though nothing was said
That we would make love
But I woke alone instead
And to make matters worst
One of us had wet the bed

Christmas Humour # 4

CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 3

I kept Billie home from school
For Christmas shopping
Doing it during school time
When the malls are empty

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 5

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
How ridiculous, no way
They can’t parallel park a car
How would they cope with a sleigh?

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 6

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Well would that be so shocking
I mean if it were left to a man
And I don’t mean to be mocking
But are really more interested
In a very different stocking

MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 2

My worst Christmas present ever
Was when I got an empty carton
All dog-eared and flattened out
Really tatty and really not fun

When I complained to my dad
And declared it worse than socks
He said I should be more grateful
To receive my very own ex-box

To make things so much worse
My dad thought it was quite nifty
If you then spun the box around
To make an ex-box 360

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 2

I've always loved my Santa
In his red Santa hat
With his cheerful demeanour
All hearty and fat
With his belly that wobbles
Like a bowl full of jelly
And he loves his naughty
Little Miss Nelly

PANTER CLAUS

We’ll have a quiet night in
So let the festivities begin
I think it really is a thriller
To have you as a stocking filler
Do you think it shocking?
To want you in my stocking
But I’ll fill you with joy
If you’ll be my sex toy
I can be your secret Santa
You can be my sultry panter
A bit of festive rough and tumble
Ok then just a quick fumble
I thought you’d be up for a goose
They all said you were loose
Then you’re not a sure thing?
And you don’t swing?
No please don’t go home yet
I’m the best offer you’ll get
Sod it another quiet night in
Let the celibacies begin

THE QUEEN’S SPEECH

We listen at 3pm on Christmas day
To hear what the Queen has to say
While for those of a Republican bent
An alternative is just a click away

SOAP TRADITION

Christmas is all about traditions
But they evolve across the years
Some fall from favour all together
Then new ones seem to appear

This is certainly the case
Of one of the more recent traditions
To the familiar Christmas fare
The TV soaps festive additions

This is when the tired old plot line
That’s simmered away since June
Suddenly explodes in your face
And not a moment too soon

A SIMPLE GIFT

I’m hoping that this Christmas
I will get what I desire
I’m not that easy to please
I don’t ridiculously aspire

I don’t want the moon and stars
Or diamonds or pearls
Some perfume or cosmetics will do
I’m not one of those greedy girls

I just want something for me
Just a small thing, for me this year
But as always it will be something
For the house from IKEA

CHRISTMAS EVE AT THE HOSTELRY

The local hostelries are full
As they approach the brink
And raise their glasses high
For yet another festive drink
The season roundly toasted
Measured by each glasses chink
The next morning’s celebration
Will be a silent one I think

MY WIFE HAS MADE IT CLEAR TO ME

I mustn’t leave my shopping,
My wife has made it clear to me,
Until late on Christmas Eve
For my Christmas won’t be merry
If all she gets is cheap perfume
And more slutty lingerie

MITHRAS

Mithras was a pagan faith
Older than we can remember
And the festival was held
Towards the end of December

Thank God it’s been replaced
By the festival of Christmas
Otherwise we’d have to wish
Everyone a merry Mithras

An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 42) Christmas Bizarre

It was about 10.30 on Saturday morning when Pandy had finished having her way with me for the second time that day.
We had discovered soon after her first salacious advances were rendered that we were snowed in which meant we would be spending another night.
While Pandora availed herself of the spa I trudged off into the village, about a mile from the hotel, in order to try and purchase some replacement clothing, in particular socks and pants, I wasn’t that hopeful.
When I left Bushy Down I was only expecting to be gone for the day.
Pandora on the other hand, the sneaky bint, having planned to kidnap me and take advantage of me had packed an overnight bag.
It took about an hour to reach the village which to my great surprise did have a number of shops, all open for business though not fully staffed.
It being located in the Chilterns and it being a popular area for the casual walker, one of the shops, a kind of General Store, did sell clothing, outdoor clothing mainly, but they did stock a small selection of boxers.
I wasn’t a boxer short man myself but needs must.
I also bought a pair of walking boots and some thick socks for the walk back.
The trainers I had on were soaked through to the point that the skin on my toes had gone crinkly.
I put on the socks and boots and with my other purchases in a bag and I trudged my way back to the Hotel.
It took a little longer getting back because the sun had come out and the light was so blindingly bright that I walked most of the way with my eyes shut.
When I did get back it coincided nicely with a gap between Pandora’s treatments, so we had lunch together before she went off to be smeared with yogurt or some such.
I myself spent the afternoon watching Rugby on TV I needed to build up my strength before another night of Pandora.

On Sunday morning the thaw had well and truly set in and we would be going home after breakfast.
I was up early and showered first leaving Pandora sleeping.
As I showered I reflected on the weekends events and was thinking what a delightful interlude it had been when I thought I would go and wake Pandora up with the erection I was now sporting.
I would gently fuck her awake and when she was wide awake and feeling the benefit of my swollen member I would fuck her to a conclusion as a lusty appetizer before breakfast.
So I got out of the shower and hastily dried myself and was just about to open the bathroom door and put my plan into action when
The door burst open and Pandora rushed in
“Morning Darling” she said and kissed me
“Hi Babe” I replied and she bustled me out of the door and closed it.
I heard the toilet seat go down and then the sharp release of some early morning wind.
I walked away disappointed at not being able to put my plan into action, then before I was out of earshot the gushing sound of her peeing like a horse came through the door which did nothing to diminish the size of my hard on.
I dried myself off and with the towel wrapped around my waist I sat on the bed with my cock uncomfortably bulging from my lap
My discomfort had abated slightly as the mound diminished as I waited for the object of my desire to emerge clean and fresh.

When she finally appeared pink and pristine from the bathroom wrapped in towels she said
“Are you not getting dressed?”
“In a minute, I’m just watching the news” I lied as my eyes surveyed her every curve beneath her toweling sarong.
As she stooped over her overnight bag and fished out a pink bra and matching knickers the bulge returned with a vengeance.
I walked up behind her and as she stood up she gasped and leant back in my arms,
“You made me jump” she panted
“I thought you might want some help” I lied
“Help with what?” she asked suspiciously
“To get you dry of course” I said innocently
“You don’t want to get me dry” she said
“You just want to get me wetter”
“You are such a cynic,” I said as if massaged her tits through the towel
“I know it’s a character fault,” she said as I teased her nipples until they protruded like pencil rubbers through the damp toweling,
Pandora breathed sharply in and out through her nose as I un-tucked the sarong and it fell open to expose her plump beauties with their darkly aroused nipples pink and proud
I took her great globes in my hands and squeezed the ripe fruits and she murmured in response to my touch.
Still holding her titties I turned her towards the bed and she crawled onto it on all fours,
The towel was draped loosely over her flanks like a horse blanket over a skittish filly.
I pulled it quickly off her like a magician doing the table cloth trick exposing her round pink buttocks and her bejeweled pink Minge.
I knelt on the floor behind and looking between her thighs I could see her great globes hanging from her and beyond them her face buried in the duvet.
I returned my attention to her moist Minge as she waited for me I pulled her lips apart with my thumbs to reveal their hidden succulence and tasted her juice.
Pandora’s hands grabbed handfuls of duvet and as I flicked my tongue along her gash then Pandy bit down on the bed cover as I noshed on her freshly laundered pussy.
Very quickly I joined her on the bed and knelt behind gripping her robust hips and plunged into her hot juice as I slid my stiff shaft between her eager sticky lips.
As I went inside Pandora’s pussy up to my balls, breath left her like air escaping through a leaky valve and the harder I pumped the courser the breath.
I reached up and grabbed hold of her wondrous hanging fruits and groped and squeezed them as I repeatedly penetrated her cunny.
Pandora turned her head, still biting the duvet, and gave me a smile as I cupped her magnificent globes while I pumped in and out of her welcoming Minge.
Pandy was emitting low rasping moans in response to my penetrations as I drove on and on
Finally she went rigid and we came together, Pandora screaming satisfaction into the bedding.
“OHHHHH” she exclaimed as my cock pulsed inside her and we collapsed breathless on the bed and just laid there, spent.
“Can I have breakfast now?” she panted
“You’re always thinking of your stomach” I replied, “You have a one track mind”
As we lay panting and glowing on the bed we suddenly realized the time so we had to jump in the shower together to wash away our lust so we could make breakfast in time.
And Pandora after having been thoroughly ravished was now incredibly famished and so was I.

We made breakfast by the skin of our teeth and you could see the disappointment etched in the collective faces of the staff as we walked in.
Their moods didn’t improve one iota when they realized we wanted everything, having satisfied our sexual appetites we now needed to satisfy our hunger.

It was pretty quiet as we drove home, Pandora was still wearing a smug expression on her face and I suspected the self satisfied smile would still be there at Christmas.
I could only guess what she was thinking.
I was remembering the conversation I had with Georgia on Friday night when I phoned her to say we were snowed in.
During the course of the conversation she asked how I got to High Wycombe and I said
“I came in Pandora’s Mini”
I wouldn’t be telling her in our next conversation that I had been coming in Pandora’s Mini all weekend.

When she pulled up outside my house to drop me off we couldn’t kiss goodbye as we would have liked to, we could only air kiss but as we did so she was holding my hand.
I moved my spare hand between her denim clad thighs towards her fanny, she snapped her thighs shut
“I think you’ve paid that more than enough attention already this weekend” she chastised
“I don’t remember you complaining” I rebuffed “I do remember you moaning a lot”
Pandora blushed and smiled and opened her legs I gave her mound a stroke
“I will be back soon,” I said
“I hope so” she replied

When I got up on Monday morning I could barely stand.
My right knee couldn’t bear my wait.
It was the knee I had surgery on the previous year and I guessed I had over done it over the previous few days.
So I made an appointment to see Dr Andrews but I couldn’t get in until the evening.

I had to retrieve my old walking stick from the back of the wardrobe to assist me on my walk to the village.
I was the first appointment and there was only one other patient waiting.
When I went into Claire’s office I was a little surprised to find her somewhat standoffish and not her normal warm flirty self.
It was the first time we had been alone since Paris and I was expecting something a little less Doctor/Patient.
I tried conversation but she was completely unresponsive.
And when she spoke it was flat and emotionless and when she smiled it was clearly forced.
After examining the knee she said
“I will give you a cortisone injection and you will need to rest it,” she instructed, “so stay off your feet and definitely no golf”
“Well I need to see the Vicar in the morning” I said “I can’t miss that”
This statement alarmed her rather to the point that she almost dropped the tray containing the injection.
“Are you ok” I asked with concern
“Yes” she replied flatly “it’s been a long day”
After she had administered the injection, which hurt like hell, I put my trousers back on and asked again
“Are you sure you’re ok?”
”Yes, yes” she said impatiently and forced another smile as she wrote me a prescription “I’ll call you”
“Ok” I said “bye then doctor”

I stopped at the pharmacy and picked up my painkillers and then on the journey home I replayed the consultation in my head.
I concluded that it was obvious that everything was not ok but I was at a loss to know what was amiss, and if I didn’t know what the problem was I couldn’t try and fix it.
What I did know was that my knee hurt as much on the walk home as it did on the one to the surgery.

The next morning after a painfully restless night I awoke to find there had been some improvement.
I knew I should have stayed at home to rest it but I had to go to the church hall and meet with the vicar.
I was replacing Gerald Overend as Santa at St Lucy’s School Christmas Bazaar and as he was a bigger man then I, on many levels, some adjustment to the suit and the padding was necessary.
So the Vicar and a small team of ladies were on hand to affect alterations, well the team of ladies obviously did the work and Katy looked on with a worried frown.
Much concern was shown when I arrived with the support of a stick but they were suitably reassured.
“Dr Andrews gave me an injection last night,” I said accompanied by a crash behind me
“So I’m on the mend”
I looked around to se Katy Oliver had dropped the box of toys she was getting out for playgroup.
I tried on the suit and measurements were taken by women muttering to one another with their mouths full of pins.
It was agreed it would be ready by Friday with out fail and I returned home to take the weight off my knee.

On Friday morning my knee was well on the mend, I still carried the stick though when I returned to the village hall.
But before I could get in the door the Vicar burst out of it.
“It’s a disaster” the vicar blurted out “Colin Bright has appendicitis”
“Oh no” I said “is he ok?”
“What?” the vicar said as if confused by the question
“Colin” I clarified “is he ok?”
“Oh shit,” the vicar exclaimed, “I never thought to ask”
“So what’s the disaster then?” I enquired
“Colin is the chief Elf to your Santa,” she explained
“So what’s the problem?” I said “can’t we find someone to fill his shoes?”
“It’s not his shoes that are the problem” Katy explained
“He’s a six foot stick insect with a bum like a twelve year old”
“Oh” I said unhelpfully
“We can’t get anyone else with their own costume at this late stage” she went on
I went to speak but she was in full flow and cut me off
“No! We can’t hire a costume they’re all gone, and if we put one of the volunteers in Colin’s costume they will just look ridiculous”
“Don’t you think a six foot Elf is ridiculous anyway?” I suggested
“He’s a very good Elf” Katy said indignantly “and he supplied his own costume”
“So we need someone six feet tall, stick thin with an arse like a 12 year old boy?” I asked
“Yes” Katy replied crossly, “That’s why it’s a disaster”
“I know just the person,” I said
“Really?” she asked doubtfully
“Really” I said and taking out my mobile phone I got up my contacts list, scrolled down and hit dial
“Tilly? What are you doing tomorrow”?
The vicar paced up and down like an expectant father while I spoke to Tilly and when I had finished and I put the phone in my pocket she just stood and stared at me.
“Well”? She asked eventually
“Sorted” I replied
“Thank you God” she said looking to the heavens and crossing herself “and thank you Simon” and Katy kissed my cheek before going off to belatedly enquire about Colin’s state of heath.
I followed her into the hall and the ladies swarmed around me like they were preparing Cinderella for the ball.
After the ladies had done their thing, I returned home and rested my knee for the remainder of the day because Saturday was going to be very busy.

On Saturday morning I rose early and was pleased to find my knee the best it had been all week.
I took no chances though and wore a support bandage on the knee.
I treated my self to an extra close shave, much closer than usual in order to accommodate the beard.
As a result when I applied the aftershave it stung like hell.
So I arrived at St Lucy’s school sweet smelling and red-faced at about 11.00am to find the vicar fussing around like a mother hen, uncharacteristically wanting things just so.
And I’m not sure why it was after all just a village school bazaar.
When I told her to slow down
“We’re making Christmas memories” Katy said “and it’s my last chance…”
Just then Tilly came through the door behind me
“Hi Simon” she said brightly and kissed me
“Ah Tilly” I said “This is Katy”
As I introduced her to the vicar
“Hello Vicar” Tilly said taking Katie’s hand
Katy gave her an appraising look and declared
“You’re perfect”
“Hardly” I whispered to Tilly who then punched me
“Come on Tilly, the costume is through here” said Katy and she lead her away to one of the offices.
The drama teacher Maria Cherry-Thicket showed me in to the grotto.
“I’m your dresser Mr. Fisher” she said “I will help you with your wig and beard”
“Ok” I said
“I’m in amateur dramatics you know” she continued pompously
“No I didn’t” I replied disinterestedly

I was fully regaled in the red velvet suit and as I sat in the throne, Maria applied the finishing touches to my beard and placed the hat on my head and pinned it to the wig.
Just as Maria stepped away to admire her handiwork Tilly appeared, and being tall and flat chested she was dressed as Bernard the Elf, from The Santa Clause movies, wearing Colin Bright’s costume.
Which consisted of a rather expensive looking fitted tunic, in brown and green with gold brocade decorating the front and back.
Thick deep red tights and pixie boots with turned up toes.
Tilly’s hair was tied up and hidden under a matching hat and to all intents and purposes she looked like a boy.
And quite inappropriately I got a trouser tickle.

The grotto was in one of the classrooms; I’m not sure what subject as all the wails were hidden behind red velvet drapes, decorated with tinsel and coloured lights.
The huge throne was in the furthest corner surrounded by Christmas parcels.
Leading to the throne was a snow covered path and on one side of it was a festive tableau of snowmen and reindeer and on the other side Santa’s sleigh was parked.
To get to the grotto you had to enter via an adjoining classroom, also festively decked out which acted as an anti room where a small number of children and accompanying parents waited their turn, where Maria Cherry-Thicket, for some reason dressed as Robin Hood, kept order.
And out side in the corridor was the queue.

The grotto opened at 1 pm and was pretty well non-stop until 4 o’clock.
Tilly/Bernard escorted the expectant child in from the anti chamber, who would then climb on my lap, the child not Tilly, I would then have a quick chat give them their gift, and then Daniel Casey the Verger would take a photo.
Tilly/Bernard then escorted the child back out to their parents
This went on for 3 hours and when Tilly/Bernard escorted the final child back to their waiting parents the Verger followed them out.
Leaving me knackered and alone.
By the end of it my knee was aching like hell and I was suffering from the seasonal condition of Santa’s lap.
I was gagging for a drink; I had nits in my beard and a damp patch on my trousers.
But I had thoroughly enjoyed the job and I hoped I had done Gerald Overend proud.

When Tilly returned from showing the last little darling out of the door she came over to me and said
“That’s definitely the last of them”
“Excellent” I sighed
“I locked up to keep out any nosy kids” Tilly continued “Daniel has gone to upload the pictures and Robin Hood has gone to the hall clutching her raffle tickets”
“So there is just one more customer for Santa” She said and sat on my knee.
“I’m almost certain that you’re on the naughty list little girl” Santa said.
“I’m on the nice and naughty list” Tilly said and giggled
“I don’t think I have any presents left” I said
“Oh please Santa I’ll be really good” she said and began groping at my crotch.
“I’m sure you’ll be good but you’ll still be a naughty girl” I said as my hand explored up beneath her tunic and was surprised to find the crotch of her tights were already damp.
Tilly tried to kiss me but the beard kept getting in the way
“I think Santa has a present for you” I said
“Oh goody” Tilly said excitedly “where is it?”
“I think you know very well where it is” said Santa as she vigorously stroked my cock.
We stood up and I bent her over Santa’s throne and yanked her red tights off her arse enough to expose her tiny schoolboy cheeks and her heavily whiskered lips, I unbuttoned my trousers enough to release my cock and I plugged into her tight went cunny.
“We need to do this quickly” I said
“Not too quickly” she panted as I banged her hard from behind
A few minutes later I became of aware of a rustling behind me and as I glanced over my shoulder an unknown woman’s head appeared from behind the curtain.
Seeing what she imagined to be Santa buggering one of his Elf’s over his throne.
“Oh my god” she yelled and disappeared “oh my god”
“Damn” she said “I was enjoying that”
“Me too” I said as I pulled out of her “now pull your pants up Bernard” and I slapped her cheek which wobbled deliciously
“What do we do now?” she asked as she stood up and put her hairy chuff away
“You go off to the loo for ten minutes” I suggested
“Ok” she said crestfallen
“Never mind” I said “you can empty Santa’s sack later”
Tilly rushed off through the anteroom to the toilets and I wrestled the present sack onto the throne and assumed a similar stance to that which I had adopted to poke the Elf.
I stood there for about five minutes before I heard a posse of voices approaching before a small group burst through the door lead by the vicar who was accompanied by Daniel the verger, Maria the hood and the unknown woman.
“What is going on?” asked the vicar “where’s Tilly?”
“Tilly?” I asked “I thought she went to the hall with Maria for the raffle”
Maria shook her head “no she wasn’t with me”
“Oh” I said “I don’t know then”
The vicar looked at me suspiciously
“Daniel?” I said “Can you give me a hand? I’ve been trying to get this bloody sack off the throne for about ten minutes, I think it’s wedged in”
He came to my aid and sifter about a minute we had it freed, it would have moved sooner if I hadn’t been pushing instead of pulling, but I had to give the illusion it was stuck fast.
“There you are” the vicar said to the unknown woman “that’s what you saw”
But the vicar gave me a look that said
“I know what you were doing”
Just at that moment Tilly returned
“Oh hello” she said to the crowd
“Where have you been?” I asked brusquely
“I’ve been to the loo” Tilly answered defensively
“He’s been a real grumpy git” she addressed the crowd “just because his knee is hurting”
“Oh dear” said the Vicar “is it ok?”
“Yes, yes” Tilly said before I could answer for myself “but I think I should drive him home”
“Yes indeed” Agreed the vicar
“She’s very good” I thought

Tilly drove me the short distance up the road to my house in her van.
“Are you coming in?” I asked her
“I thought I might” she replied with a smile roughly approximating a leer
I lead her up to the front door and once inside
“Let me get out the Santa suit and we can finish what we started” I said
“No, no” she replied
Which I must say disappointed a little
“I want you to leave it on” she continued
So I took her into my study and bent her over my leather chair where for the second time that day I pulled down her Ho Ho Hose.

An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 41) St Andrew’s Day

As incredibly satisfying as my evening with Tilly Bushe was I spent the next day sulking.
Not that I wouldn’t reprise our duet given the opportunity and even if I never got to settle on her nest again the image of her magnificent muff would forever reside in my wank bank.
No it was something she said that I was miffed about
“When I first met you I knew instantly that you were a man who wouldn’t be looking for ties and I found that very attractive”
Was that how women saw me?
Someone who only wanted “no strings attached” sex.
Did all the women I bedded read me in the same way?
It wasn’t how I saw my self; I honestly believed I was a good man who was just slightly weak willed when it came to crumpet.
I know my success with women is not due to my being incredibly good looking, and my body though not ripped is in good order but hardly Chippendale standard.
I think my personality carries me a long way and opens doors of opportunity, which I tend to exploit, but I’ve genuinely always believed it was my “Je ne sais quoi” that opened their thighs.
Although I had never really analysed it in depth, I was always too busy enjoying it.
I was still sulking when I headed off to the Church hall for the Roving Angels training, after which I wondered what the hell I had let myself in for.
When I got home I was still in an ill humour.
I had spent the entire day mulling over in my head what Tilly had said and by the end I had concluded that.
I was going to end up with nobody; I would end my days lonely and alone.
My future was just going to be a series of fuck buddies stretching into the distance until I was either struck with impotency or they with the menopause or osteoporosis.
It was not a pleasant outlook.
What depressed me the most was if all the women I slept with thought of me as a “no ties” shag?
Then what was wrong with Georgia?
Why did she think I was a good prospect?
Or would she one-day wake up and see me as I am?
In the end I got really pissed.

The next morning I was up at 5 am and feeling a little thick headed and had wished I hadn’t drunk so much the night before.
I also regretted agreeing to a golf day.
Which was partly the hangover and partly because it wasn’t what I was expecting.
When I was first asked about an St Andrews golf Day I thought it was a round of Golf at St Andrews but alas it turned out to be a game of Golf on St Andrews day.
We were going to play a course in High Wycombe that none of us had played before but it was bound to be an up and down affair, steep hills, long climbs and magnificent scenery.
Still it was always good fun playing with the girls.
I got up and had a long hot shower after which I felt much better.
When I got downstairs I had half an hour to spare before my lift arrived.
I would have had time for breakfast but we had agreed to a cooked breakfast in High Wycombe before our game.
So I spent the time checking I had everything I needed for the day.
Dead on 7 o’clock there was a short sharp “parp” of a car horn, I opened the front door and gave the driver a wave and went back in for my gear.
Pandora was standing by her car, dapper as usual in a mixture of argyle knitwear and tweed.
It was still dark as I walked down the path with my bag slung over my shoulder and simultaneously Judith was making a similar journey down hers.
The original plan was for all four of us to go in Pandora’s Cherokee but it had to go in the garage on Wednesday and was still there, so Judith was driving Victoria in her Fiesta and Pandora was driving me in her Mini, neither car being able to accommodate four people and all the attendant equipment.
It was rather amusing when she first broke the news the Jeep was off the road, firstly because I thought that being off the road was when they were at their best, and secondly because Pandora said to me
“You can come in my Mini”
And when I agreed she announced in the main bar at the club
“Simon’s going to come in my Mini”
There were several spluttering laughs and Judith smiled broadly and Victoria nearly fell off her chair.
But Pandora, bless her, wasn’t aware that Mini was a euphemism for pussy.
We set off from the village together and travelled in convoy all the way and managed a clear run around the M25 and arrived at the Wycombe Hill Golf Club just after 8 am.
It was assumed when we left the village that Pandora had been to High Wycombe before but upon our arrival Pandora said that she hadn’t.
It was a beautiful location in the heart of the Chiltern Hills
The views from the clubhouse were outstanding and around the course they would be truly breathtaking
“Oh Look” Victoria said “a Red Kite”
We all looked to where she was pointing; I was expecting to see a large red paper kite on a piece of string, which of course I didn’t admit when I saw it was a bird of prey.
I wondered if the others thought the same.
We went into the clubhouse, which was very posh, much more so than Bushy Down at any rate and Judith, Victoria and I seated ourselves in the restaurant while Pandora went to register our arrival.

After our rather over indulgent breakfast we all waddled to the lounge and sat down on the comfy sofas and ordered more tea and coffee as we still had half an hour to spare.
There was a TV in the lounge and just as the waitress arrived with our order the weatherman appeared
“In the afternoon the wind will strengthen from the north east blowing in some wintry showers later in the day, more persistent falls are likely overnight”
“So it might get a bit blowy later,” Judith said, “I’m glad I’m wearing my long johns”
“I’m sure it won’t be as bad as when Simon and I got caught in that storm last month”
Pandora said and as our eyes met her cheeks flushed as she remembered that it wasn’t just the wind that got up that day.
Then to save her embarrassment a late news item caught my attention as the reported announced.
“3 soldiers from The Downshire Light Infantry were killed last night when their vehicle was destroyed by an IED in Helmand province”
I didn’t hear the rest as I immediately thought of Dakota and hoped and prayed that she was safe.
Just at that moment as I was muttering a prayer under my breath Pandora handed round the scorecards with a map of the course.
For the nest few minutes we sat in silence studying the map and looking at the yardages.
It wasn’t the longest 18 hole course I had ever played but there were two par threes that looked particularly difficult one was uphill to a concealed green the other from an elevated tee to a concealed green
We all agreed it was going to be an interesting and challenging par 70.
We decided on match play pairs, four-ball format, the lowest score from each pair counting.
As to teams it would be the Fiestas against the Minis.
Most of the game was played in calm dry conditions under a blue sky, with the wind very light.
On the front nine Victoria and Judith were on fire.
And after seven holes they were up by five.
On the par 5, 8th I had a bit of a disaster, I hit a crisp drive
from the elevated tee and it absolutely flew straight down the middle, as Bing Crosby famously sang, and it landed just short of the dog leg, kicked to the right and rolled perfectly round the turn.
So far so good and after such a shot I felt ten feet tall as I strode down the fairway.
When I reached my ball I was about 50 yards ahead of Pandy and I found it sitting up invitingly.
Pandora played her shot first and put it just short of the green just a chip and a putt away.
Judith and Victoria played their shots and were also well placed.
So with an unhindered path to the green I had a real eagle chance.
Slightly ahead of me and to the right was a rather large Rabbit enjoying the autumn sunshine blissfully unaware of what was to come.
I selected my club and addressed the ball
“Just hit it straight” I told myself
I swung the club towards the ball in a perfect ark but I must have lifted my head because there was an ugly contact and the ball sliced away in the direction of the Rabbit.
Now had he just stayed still he would have lived
but alas the sound of the sliced contact startled the Rabbit and caused it to leap vertically in the air straight into the path of the ball and it died instantly.
“There’s one for the kites,” I thought
Now looking back I could have claimed that the Rabbit put me off, but it didn’t really and if the ball had followed its path I would have been deep in the woods possibly even out of bounds
So the Rabbit sacrificed himself to save my par
Luckily for the Minis Pandora chipped and putted to make birdie while the others only managed par.
So with the combination of my extra yardage on the long holes and Pandora putting out of her skin we were all square after the 14th
Which was when a cold wind picked up and dark grey clouds scudded across the previously blue sky.
Victoria then chipped in from the bunker to win the 15th
Pandora sank a 40ft putt to take 16
The 17th was halved and it was all to play for on the final hole
And as we stood on the fairway to play our second shots it started to snow, the light grainy kind but, by the time we had reached the green large fluffy flakes were falling fast
We putted out and the honours were even and as we walked briskly to the 19th for something warming
“Wintry showers be buggered” Victoria said as we put our clubs in our respective cars and changed out of our golf shoes.
After a quick hot drink
Victoria and Judith set off
“Before it gets too bad,” Judith said
“We’ll be right behind you” Pandora shouted
We finished our drinks and Pandy excused herself to the ladies and was gone about 20 minutes.
I put it down to some feminine hygiene issue so I wasn’t too concerned’
There was a rather horny barmaid flitting from table to table with large unfettered breasts and an arse to die for.
And as she kept bending over to wipe down the tables I got a good look at all of her assets from a variety of angles which held my interest for some time.

When she returned looking a little flushed, I took that as confirmation of my diagnosis. Pandora then spent the next ten minutes faffing about; opening and closing her handbag putting her coat on taking it off then putting it back on again
“Shall we make a move then?” I said finally losing patience with her uncharacteristic dithering
“Yes, yes” she replied rather less positive than her words might have suggested
We walked the car rather gingerly slipping and sliding on the fresh snow.
We got in the car and Pandora continued to faff
“Is everything ok?” I asked getting concerned now with her behaviour, which really was out of character,
She was one of the most positive and dynamic people I knew.
“It’s the snow,” she said meekly
“What about it?” I asked
“I’m scared” she admitted, “If I was in the Cherokee I’d be alright”
“Do you want me to drive?” I offered
“You’re not insured” she replied quickly
“Ok let’s phone the girls and see what its like ahead” I suggested
“Good idea” Pandora said
So I phoned Victoria to ascertain the state of the roads ahead and well the word from her was an expletive.
“Its worse ahead than it is here” I told her
“Oh shit,” she retorted then she added
“There’s a nice hotel nearby we could put up there until tomorrow”
“How do you know that?” I quizzed “I thought you hadn’t been to High Wycombe before”
“No I haven’t it was in the bumph the club sent me when I made the booking” she replied
“Ok” I relented “let’s go”
She fair sped out of the car park like Timo Mäkinen, suddenly completely oblivious to the snow.
Five minutes later we passed through the gates of the Chiltern Manor Hotel and spa.
“This will do,” she said
I was suspicious now Pandora had said she had never been to High Wycombe before yet knew the location of the nearest hotel and managed to drive straight there in a blizzard.
“What about the kids?” I asked
“They’re at my mums tonight anyway” she replied
“Convenient” I thought
Pandora opened the door
“Just hold on a minute missy,” I said commandingly
“What?” she replied meekly
“What’s going on?” I asked
“What do you mean?” she responded innocently
“According to you, you’ve never been to High Wycombe before yet you know it well enough to find the nearest hotel which you couldn’t have seen on the way in and you did it in a blizzard” Pandora went to speak but I silenced her with a raised finger.
“At the golf club you were all girly and helpless in the snow one minute and doing handbrake turns like a rally driver the next, on top of which the kids are on a sleepover” I paused briefly
“So what’s going on?” I asked again though I knew the answer
Pandora gave me a sideways glance and blushed
“Were you planning a sleepover of your own?”
She nodded still blushing
“Thank goodness for that” I said and she smiled and then I kissed her
“Why didn’t you just ask” I wondered, “You know what a slut I am”
“I couldn’t do that” she said horrified “that would make me “fast””
”I’m from a different generation,” she continued “so I had to arrange it so you could seduce me”
I was surprised and delighted at the prospect of the playful minx
We had played golf together often enough but we hadn’t “played together” since that stormy day in October
“You’ve done a lot of planning then?” I asked
“Yes” she added rather smugly “which all added to the excitement and the anticipation”
“So what would you have done if it hadn’t snowed?” I asked
“Even you couldn’t conjure up a blizzard on demand”
“Car trouble” she replied
“You deceitful creature” I said “let’s get a room”
Playing golf with Pandora always left me with a stirring down below, the barmaid with the unharnessed tits added to that, but Pandora’s conniving I found incredible horny so I was now nursing a stalk.

Once inside Pandora put down her overnight bag, another clear sign of premeditation, we checked in as Mr and Mrs Smith which caused the receptionist to raise an eyebrow or two when she compared it to the credit card that Pandora handed over, we had already had the “I’ll pay, no I’ll pay” argument and Pandora insisted that she should pay as it was her fantasy.
Then she blushed the most brilliant shade of crimson when she realised she had said it out loud.

We finished registering and as we walked away from the desk I asked
“Aren’t you worried about Graham seeing a charge for a double room on your credit card”?
“No, Graham and I are separated” she answered
“Oh” was all I could think to say
I decided not to pursue it and asked instead
“Do you want to have a drink in the bar before we go up?”
“No I bloody don’t” she responded

As soon we got in the room Pandora dropped her bag on the floor and kicked off her shoes.
I did the same as she slipped off her tweed jacket and deposited that on top of her bag.
“Wow it’s a great room,” I said
“We’re not here for the décor” she retorted and without warning pushed me back against the wall and began undoing my trousers.
After undoing my belt and the releasing the button she yanked down the zip, my trouser descended quickly to my ankles.
Pandora grabbed the waistband of my pants and snatched my cock out of my pants like a greedy child and tugged on it exposing my helmet.
She released my cock and sank to her knees and dragged my pants off my arse until they joined my trousers at my ankles
Then I felt a moist warmth spreading slowly along my stalk until like a warm wet sheath it engulfed me.
I looked down to see Pandy’s tweed capped head moving rhythmically on my shaft and taking it deep in her mouth time and time again
"oh honey” I said to her as she went about her task with enthusiasms “that’s so good”
I reached down and snatched the cap off her head and threw it across the room so I could see her lips around my cock.
Pandora was really relishing her task as she slurped me in and out of her eager lips and I was in ecstasy and it took immense will power on my part not to spaff in her mouth.
I quickly withdrew from her slobbering mouth to the sound of smacking lips and she looked up at me like a child waiting to be praised or rewarded.
I looked from her smug smiling face to my swollen cock still wet with her saliva and I thought
“Dear Pandora will certainly be getting a reward”
Her hands were still on my buttocks I reached around and took them in mine and pulled her to her feet.
She was still looking very pleased with herself as I kissed her smug smiling lips.
I disentangled my feet from my pants and trousers and lifting Pandora off her feet carried her further into the room.
We came to a halt at the foot of the four-poster bed.
I lowered her gently to her feet and our lips parted, I pulled her Argyle sweater off over her head and she did the same with my Pringle.
Then as I bent down and kissed her I unfastened her tweed trousers which fell with little further encouragement directly to the floor.
I looked beyond her as we kissed I eyed her reflection in the mirror, and marvelled once again what a tidy body she had for a forty year old mother, As she stood embracing me wearing only knee length argyle socks and matching green satin bra and pants.
My cock twitched in anticipation of what was to come.
I pushed her gently backwards against the dressing table and
My hands meanwhile reached behind her and I felt the satin sheen of her panties beneath my fingertips.
My hands spread out across her firm buttocks squeezing and kneading them until my fingers reached the waistband of her knickers and grasping the elastic firmly I tugged them off her round cheeks and down her trembling thighs, then I grabbed the gusset and tugged them over her knees and down do her ankles then she extricated her stockinged feet from the tangled lingerie.
My hands were quickly occupied with her naked arse and I stopped kissing her and fell to my knees and pressed my lips against her quivering belly.
Simultaneously I edged her further back against the furniture and having manoeuvred her back as far as she could go, she slid her buttocks onto the dressing table to support her weight while I knelt before her.
I looked up and saw Pandora was biting her lip and then she opened up wide for me to drink deeply of her,
I could smell her lustful odour mixed with expensive perfume, which spurred me on, and very soon I was rubbing my face in her ample perfumed public curls.
Before tasting the salty tang of a Pandora’s juices as she filled the room with salacious moans.
I worked the creamy wet flesh with my tongue as she wriggled and squirmed, moaning and gasping as I sucked at her lips and licked her cunny until she could wait no longer.
Until she grabbed me by the hair and pulled my face away from her hot gash
“Now get on the bed,” she ordered but I kissed her with lips smothered with her pungent fragrance
“I said get on the bed” she reiterated, her cunny juice was around her mouth when I stopped kissing her.
“It’s my fantasy remember” she said, “Now get on the bed”
I obliged and climbed on the bed and lay in the middle of bed on my back
“And take your socks off” she added
I took them off and threw them at her one at a time.
“Take your bra off” I ordered her “and leave your socks On”
“It’s my fantasy” she replied but unfastened her bra and released her beautiful globes and then she crawled along my body and gave me a very smug look as she skewered her hot pussy on my shaft.
Then like a whirlwind Pandora pumped her pussy on me again and again
And each thrust was followed by a grunt
“Huh”
Thrust
“Huh”
Thrust
“Huh”
One after another as she satisfied her self on my rod
Pandora had never performed like this before, I was in heaven.
All I could do was grab her arse and be mesmerised by her jiggling jugs.
Her pumping action was quickening
“Huh”
“Huh”
“Huh”
Until she came in a rousing crescendo
“HUH”
And my pulsing cock shot into her mini.
Pandora, panting hard collapsed on top of me.
And let out a low sigh of contentment
“Mmmmm”
“Are you happy now you’ve taken advantage of me?” I asked
“Ohhh yes” she said

Pandora was in the bathroom running a bath while I sat on the sofa with my balls still wet from her deliciously wet cunny lips
I switched on the TV just as the news was starting and the top story was about the snowstorm.
A spokesman from the met office admitted that a lot more snow fell than was expected.
“No shit Sherlock” I shouted at the TV
The next story was about the three soldiers killed in Afghanistan.
And when I saw the photos and heard the names I crossed myself and said
“Thank God” then I said a prayer for the families and friends of the fallen soldiers.
After that I phoned Georgia to explain why I was in a High Wycombe Hotel and not at home skyping her.

Later as Pandora and I soaked in the bath together I asked her
“So are you pleased with the outcome of your scheming”?
“Oh yes” she said “pleased and surprised”
“Surprised”? I queried
“Yes I’ve never done anything like this before, and I’m surprised how conniving I’ve been”
“You did arrange for me to be sitting next to you at the summer ball” I reminded her
“Well that bit was easy,” she confessed “but I had no idea what to do after that, I just relied upon you to take advantage of the situation”
“Which of course I did” I admitted proudly
“Indeed you did” she remembered, “This however took a bit more planning”
“And a bit more deceitfulness” she continued
I thought about it for a minute and then I said
“So the Cherokee being in the garage?”
“A lie” Pandora confirmed
“You being scared to drive in the snow”
“A lie” she confirmed again though I knew that the moment she sped out of the car park.
“The car insurance”
“Another lie”
“I’m shocked and stunned” I said “and strangely aroused”

An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 40) Sound Biting

I awoke early in the darkness to the sound of the Beach Boys emanating from the clock radio, I could just make out in the half light a long bony finger reaching out and silencing it.
Then I thought I don’t have a clock radio so I tried to figure out where the hell I was and who the owner of the long bony finger was.
I tried desperately to identify some point of reference in the room, the problem is that the brain processes what you can see and then fills in the blanks with things from your memory bank.
I.e. when your eyes become more accustomed to the darkness a sleeping dog on the floor becomes a dressing gown discarded the night before, or a sleeping child on the chair becomes a sweater dropped haphazardly.
I was still struggling to identify any point of reference that would identify my location but to no avail, after all I had woken up in a good many bedrooms of the years.
But just then a head emerged from beneath the duvet and Shula kissed me on the chest.
And it all came flooding back to me she had ridden me like a whirling dervish and when she collapsed on me in an orgasmic heap we must have fallen asleep.
And there she lay still draped across me sighing with contentment.
Shula looked up at me and smiled and then the penny finally dropped she gave me a shocked wide eyed look, not unlike the one when she first saw my aroused cock, as she realised that we were in her husbands bed together and his sister was in the next room.
“What do we do now?” I whispered “Will she come in?”
“No” she replied “she never does”
“You keep watch and I’ll sneak down stairs when it’s clear” I suggested
“No, wait until she goes in the shower” Shula said
“Ok” I acquiesced
Doubtless spurred by the element of danger and with its usual bad sense of timing my cock went hard, very hard.
“Not now” I thought to my self
Just then we heard Anjuli’s bedroom door open and we both held our breath.
Then another door opened.
“She’s in the bathroom” Shula said “you need to go”
I slipped out of bed and picked up my shirt and was just pulling it on over my head when I felt a moist warmth spreading slowly along my shaft until it engulfed me.
I looked down to see Shula sitting on the edge of the bed with my cock deep in her mouth
"oh Shushula you naughty little shopkeepers wife" I said to her as she went about her task with relish.
I had one hand caressing her shoulder and the other on the back of her head as I was nearing the threshold
"oh Shushu do you want me to go or do you want me to cum”
She gave me one more full length suck then looked up at me with a broad toothy smile then turned and knelt on the bed with her skinny round arse in the air.
Her tidy pussy lips clearly on display, and ready to receive with her head and shoulders under the duvet in an effort to suppress her vociferous enjoyment of what was to come.
Standing proud behind her pouting lips and poised for entry I reached across and picked up the top pillow and lay it beside her
“I think you might need that as well” I said and a skinny black arm shot out and dragged the pillow beneath the duvet.
In truth I wasn’t sure that would be enough either she was a very noisy partner which was evident as I penetrated her right up to my balls and she let out a muffled scream.
God it felt so good and all the more exciting because of the risk of being discovered.
I think she was relishing this final taste, as Omid was coming home from hospital later that day so I wouldn’t be enjoying her wares for a while and she wouldn’t be enjoying mine.
I could hear her moaning beneath the duvet as her tight pussy continued to receive me.
Shula had eagerly accepted me in her husbands bed again and again and I had left her labia a little looser than they were I first introduced myself to them.
But by all accounts Omid would not be loosening them further.
In fact it was to be the last cock Shula would get for a while because Omid played for the other team, he had only shagged her once, and that was on their wedding night to consummate the marriage, she had been satisfying herself ever since with her long bony fingers, until me, Simon Fisher writer and philander.
Shula’s hips were swinging slightly from side to side as I gave her another length and she tried to wriggle deeper under cover because she knew just how much she was enjoying my cock repeatedly spearing her.
I went into her again and she squirmed and squealed, then again, shorter and shallower this time, then again and again, bringing stifled moans this time, like low rumbles from inside the duvet,
Quicker and quicker I went, louder and louder she responded, shorter and shorter the strokes, I was on the edge, close, she was beyond it and she screamed loudly, I pushed on and on until I exploded in her.
I stood behind her with my hands resting on her hips savouring the moment, my cock still twitching inside her quivering quim as it oozed around me.
I stroked her perfect brown smooth buttocks absentmindedly committing every moment of that spine tingling encounter.
Reluctantly I withdrew from her comfortable cunny and she collapsed in a spent sighing heap, most of her still hidden beneath the covers.
I kissed the small of her back and slapped her buttock playfully.
“I need to get out of here” I said and began to get dressed she was still purring, mostly out of sight as I slipped on my shoes.
I threw back the covers and she rolled onto her back and smiled broadly at me and simultaneously spread her legs wide.
The tableaux shouted out “fuck me again”
“No time for that now Shushu” I said “not that I don’t want to as much as you do”
She just lay there looking unconvinced.
“Anjuli will be out of the shower any minute now” I entreated
“Oh god” she said “I forgot about Aunty”
The wide eyed look of panic was back on her face and she leapt out of bed
“Oh god, oh god” she repeated and paced up and down, “what can we do”
I grasped her firmly by the shoulders and looked into her eyes
“Well as gorgeous as your body is” I said appraising every inch of her “putting something on would be a start”
She looked down at her self and jumped in surprise at what she saw she grabbed her dressing gown off the back of the door and put it on and giggled.
“Now go and see where she is” I said and opened the door, Shula nodded and slipped out onto the landing and returned a moment later
“She’s still in the bathroom” she whispered
“Ok” I said “I’ll go first and you follow me down”
She nodded and I kissed her then I turned and opened the door.
I tiptoed across the landing with Shula right behind me, I had just stepped down onto the first step when the bathroom door opened, I pressed myself flat against the wall, and when I looked back towards Shula she looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
“I’m finished Shushu” Anjuli shouted
“Ok Aunty I’m just going to put the kettle on” she replied and then her bedroom door closed.
And we both let out long synchronised sighs.
We exchanged a relieved smile and proceeded cautiously down the stairs.
At the bottom I turned right and went through the bead curtain and she followed.
At the shop door she hugged me
“Will we ever do it again?” she asked
“Oh yes” I said
“Really?” Shula asked and looked straight at me
I kissed her and slipped a hand inside her dressing gown to cup her breast.
“Do you think I wouldn’t want to play with these again” I said squeezing her titty
She murmured
Then my hand descended quickly brushed through the coarse hairs of her bush and slid my finger down her crease.
“And this?” I added and she moaned softly as I removed my finger from between her lips she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck.
And after a kiss she opened the door and let me slip out into the darkness of another Monday morning.

I had something of a lazy day after that to be honest, I had intended to play golf with the ladies but changed my mind on account of the weather, of which there was a considerable amount that day, most of which was bad, but I did decide to go over to the club for lunch.
Just as I was leaving the telephone rang and I was in two minds whether or not to answer it.
In the end good manners prevailed and I picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Ah Simon” the voice said with some relief, it was Georgia’s dad Geoff.
“I’ve been trying to catch you”
“Is everything ok?” I asked with concern
“Yes, yes” he replied “I just wanted to thank you”
“Thank me?” I said “for what”
“Convincing Georgia to call home” Geoff said surprised by my question
“She didn’t really need much convincing” I said
“Nonsense” he continued his voice cracking “we will never forget what you did”
And then he hung up.
Quite peculiar I thought Geoff phoning me up to thank me like that when all I did was comfort her, listen to her and then shag her arse off for two days.
This was on my mind as I took a turn around the village to work up an appetite before lunch.

First I walked town to Mahajak’s to buy a newspaper and flirt with the lovely Shula perhaps still moist from this mornings interlewd.
But alas she was absent and I was surprised to see Maisie in the shop on her own.
“Hello Maisie” I said surprised
“Hi Simon” she replied brightly
“What are you doing here during the day?” I asked
“Shula and Anjuli have gone to get Omid so they asked me to run the shop for the day” she replied proudly
“Good for you” I said as I paid for my paper “I’m proud of you”
And I kissed her forehead.

On my way back towards the club I bumped into the vicar, Katy Oliver, who I was pleased to see was looking much more like her old self and seemed to have fully recovered from what ever malady had afflicted her.
Katy was on very good form and managed to rope me into playing Santa at the village school bazaar without my even realising what I had agreed to in fact I think I volunteered.
Gerald Overend was normally Santa but since his sad demise it had prove difficult to replace him.
I also “volunteered” for something called “Roving Angels”
I had no idea what it was but there was training in the Church hall on Thursday night.

I walked into the golf club and immediately saw Pandora and the girls in our customary corner.
During the course of our lunch Pandora asked if I was interested in a St Andrews golf day.
Was I ever, I had always wanted to play The Royal and Ancient.
“When?” I asked
“This Friday” Pandora replied
“That soon?” I said “when do we leave?”
“We will have to leave Bushy Down by 7 o’clock” Judith replied
“That will give us time to have a hearty brekka before we tee off at 10 o’clock” Victoria chipped in
I was a little confused, Scotland was more than a three hour drive away, had I missed something? And then the penny dropped, Friday was St Andrews day.
“So where are we going exactly”? I asked
“High Wycombe” Judith stated
Once I realized that a St Andrews golf day actually meant a St Andrews Day Golf game, we got down to the finer details of the trip.

That evening I Skyped Georgia, since the crisis we had agreed to Skype at least every other day so as to ovoid a repeat of the SOS call.
I must admit that I found myself looking forward to them every bit as much as she appeared to, even though they left me burdened with guilt.
Guilt that I craved the contact with Georgia yet could not overcome my desire of other women, more guilty perhaps because I didn’t really want to.

On Tuesday I concentrated on my writing, and spent the whole day and most of the evening at my computer.
By the end of the day I was very pleased with the results, it wasn’t high literature but it paid the bills.

Having locked myself away from the sinful world for the whole of Tuesday and much of Wednesday it was something of a treat to get out of the house, and when I emerged from my home on Wednesday afternoon I was greeted by a much brighter day than the one I closed the door on two days earlier.

I called in at Mahajak’s on the way to the station on the pretext of buying a newspaper but really to flirt with the lovely Shula but instead of a coy knowing smile when she looked at me there was sadness in her eyes.
When she held out my change I took hold of her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze and in response she wrapped her long fingers around mine.
“Are you ok?” I asked
“Very well thank you Mr. Fisher” she answered and her expression changed and there was a hint of the smile that generally played about her lips.
As I left the shop and proceeded to the station I hoped the change to Shula’s demeanour was merely due to her having tasted the forbidden fruit and being unhappy now she was returned to her usual rations, because one of the alternatives could be that her infidelity had been discovered.
Another of course could be borne of the frustration of not knowing when she might sample my fruit again.

Once I had disembarked in Kiddingstone I took the first cab on
The rank and we quickly headed towards the Sound Bite Studio.
When we pulled up outside I was still not at all impressed with the drab and dingy premises.
I paid the cab driver and walked towards the unimpressive front entrance.
I pushed the buzzer on the intercom and in response the speaker crackled and a tinny voice said
“Yes?”
“Simon Fisher to see Tilly” I shouted at the wall
“Come up” the voice said and the lock buzzed
Gloria’s manner hadn’t improved since my last visit, I thought as I went up the stairs.
I was still struck by the almost lavish interior with everything trimmed with shinny chrome and bright lights everywhere illuminating all the hi-tech equipment, it really was such a stark contrast to the outside.
“You can go straight through” Gloria said as she packed away her laptop, her enormous tits, rather too big for my taste, were hindering rather than helping her efforts.
As I left reception I glanced at my watch and thought she finished early.
When I reached Marcus Crossfield’s office he was stood by the hat stand putting his coat on, he paused briefly and gave me a wave, I waved back and continued down the corridor.
When I reached the door to Tilly’s office/studio I knocked on the frame.
“Come in, it’s open” a voice called
I turned the handle and pushed on the door Tilly was stood among her computers and mixing desks clearly dressed for the evening.
She was wearing her shoulder length brunette hair down so it danced around her nape as she walked to greet me, in a knee length emerald green dress that hugged her figure, well what figure she had.
Tilly was a tall girl; stick thin, with no visible bust line at all, though her nipples were clearly visible through the fabric.
She had no hips to speak of and an arse like a boy, nice legs though clad in black.
Her shoes were also green to match her dress and because of her height they had low heels, and I hadn’t noticed before but she had very big feet for a girl.
Tilly smiled as she approached and I held out a hand but she went straight into the double air kiss.
“Wow you look fabulous” I said “are you going out?”
“Oh this” she said dismissively “this is for later”
It must have been a hot date because she’d scrubbed up very well and had been very liberal with the perfume which was very pleasant.
“Come and sit and I’ll show you have clever I am” she said smugly
I followed her instruction and sat next to her.
“The first one you will hear is the original and then I will play the same passage but the enhance version” she said adding “Ok” to make sure I understood.
When she had played both versions I just sat open mouthed in a stunned silence for about a minute.
“That is just amazing” I said shocked at just how good it was the clarity of his voice was truly amazing.
“I told you that you could trust me” Tilly said smiling
I had been a little uneasy about handing over the tapes to a complete stranger, but she had convinced me that I could trust her and I took a gamble but I only gave her a small quantity of the originals.
I fumbled in my bag and said
“You’d better have these then” and handed over the remainder of the tapes.
“Now let me hear more” I said “you little genius you”
“Is that all of them now?” she queried
“Yes” I replied
“So you trust me?” Tilly asked
“It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you, I just didn’t know what you were capable of” I replied “But yes totally”
“That’s good to hear” she said “now hang on to your hat”
An hour and a half later when Tilly had elaborated to me all the methods she’d employed in achieving the quite frankly staggering results I had listened to.
And I think all the time she was demonstrating her cleverness she was flirting with me.
So after we had covered all the technical stuff she’d done so far she detailed rough time scales for the remaining tapes,
“its impossible to predict exactly how long it will take until I’ve examined them, the length of the recording, the quality of the media, and the type of device it was recorded on all has a bearing on time scales” she explained as we drank coffee.
“Well I do believe you are in danger of sounding like you know what you’re talking about Miss Bushe” I said pompously
“In fact I would like to put on record that Miss O..”
“Don’t say it” she interrupted
“What I was only going to say O...” I continued
“Don’t you dare” she interrupted again “or else”
She had a cross look on her face but her eyes were laughing so I said it as she had me by the lapels.
“Ophelia Bushe”
“Oh go on them, seeing as you asked so nicely” She said and kissed me quite forcefully pushing me back in the chair and invaded my mouth with her tongue.
“What about your plans?” I asked between kisses
“This was my plan” she replied and stuck her tongue back in my mouth.
This was not how I envisaged the meeting going and I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to proceed in this new direction.
She had pushed my chair back against a rack of equipment.
“She’s not your type” a voice in my head said
“Who are you trying to kid, she’s breathing isn’t she?” I answered myself and returned her kiss with interest.
She climbed onto my lap and now she had me trapped, so I did the noble thing and resisted no more and decided to adopt a more hands on approach and got one hand on her braless meagre tit and the other on her surprisingly tender bum cheek.
On its way to her arse it surveyed the landscape and found the dress was seamless.
As my other hand toyed with her seriously aroused nipple I thought even a skinny Minnie like Tilly couldn’t pull on a garment like this on over her head, so how the hell do I get into it.
And as if she had received my question telepathically she sat up right on my lap and reached down to the hem and unzipped about 12” of it along the side seem giving the appearance of a slit.
As she resumed her previous position I thought I was sure that zip would go a lot high that that.
Once we had settled back down to the comfortable kissing we had been indulging in my hand left her nipple and travelled to her knee, which if I was not mistaken trebled slightly beneath my touch.
I slid my palm from her knee along the top of her thigh exposed by the open zip and passed it as my wrist reached the top of the slit it moved another inch.
I withdrew my hand and found the zip with my fingers and moved it slowly upward higher and higher and higher until it came to a stop just below her armpit.
I could see a shard of pink flesh stretching from her stocking top to her ribcage.
I was in a quandary then, I had ease of access to her breasts and her Minge and pondered briefly whether to go for the appetisers that were her tiny titties or go straight for the main course which would serve both our appetites.
In the end I thought I was going to get the house special anyway so it would be churlish not to have the starters.
So from the end of the zip my hand disappeared inside the gape and settled on her naked flesh, she adjusted her position slightly as my hand found her soft little tit surmounted by needle sharp nipples, they were supersensitive because she gave a little snort and winced at my playful touch.
I quickly tired of these morsels and my hand descended sharply to her bush, and what a bush it was, it was so thick and curly that it momentarily distracted me from my purpose, her pussy.
She had stopped kissing my now and sat eyes shut mouth open
With her forehead resting against mine.
In anticipation of my arrival Tilly had swung one leg as close to me as possible and crooked it like she was sitting side saddle on a horse and the other she stretched out and braced her foot against the neighbouring desk.
Reluctantly leaving her glorious bush my fingers slipped creamily between her lips, her face distorted and she growled in my face.
I stroked her gash again with the same result, and then I repeated it once more before I plunged two fingers inside her hole and she was like a purring lion.
“Oh simony” she uttered as I frigged her creamy cunny until she came.
Tilly jumped up from my lap and immediately extricated my now throbbing cock from my jeans and then yanked the denim down to my ankles and off over my feet
“What about the staff?” I asked “wont they hear?”
“They’ve all gone home” she replied
She deftly discarded the remnants of her dress.
“You sent them home early?” I queried as I looked at the hairiest beaver I had ever seen, it formed a huge triangle occupying the whole of her pelvic region thankfully not extending down her thighs
“No we work 7 till 3” she replied climbing on top of me and sliding her hot pussy down my shaft.
Once I was plugged in to her the acoustic harmonies coming out of her were something else as she rose and fell on me.
Her long stockinged legs were wrapped around the chair with her big flipper feet hooked behind the legs and she was gripping the equipment racks behind me and banging down on me like a jack hammer
All I could do was hang on to her little boyish arse and add to the cacophony with my own moaning until that moment when in almost operatic tones she noisily came and milked every drop from me.
As I sat in the chair beneath her I thought I would definitely like to reprise that performance.
“Now you know what I’m capable of” she said panting and sliding her wet cunt off my wilting cock.
Tilly gave me a kiss and stood up and as she stood in front of me I couldn’t take my eyes off her beaver
“You’re bush is magnificent” I said awestruck
She looked down at the hairy beast and said
“I have to maintain a hairy beaver otherwise you wouldn’t know which way I was facing” and she laughed so hard her tiny little tits jiggled and I joined in as I reached out and held her hand.
When she stopped laughing and her tits stopped dancing she asked
“Do you want a drink?”
“Yes I’d love one” I replied
“Good” Tilly said “Let’s go to my flat”
“Ok” I said and started putting my trousers on
“You don’t need your clothes” she said wearing only her stockings and shoes and Tilly pressed a button and a hidden door sprang open.
She disappeared through the opening and I quickly re-trousered myself and followed.
When I arrived the other side it was very luxurious.
“Wow” I said “Marcus must think a lot of you to let you stay here”
She had kicked off her shoes and slipped on a robe and was just coming from the kitchen with a glass of wine in each hand
“Ah I may well have misled you about that” she confessed “It’s my company, Marcus works for me”
“Really?” I asked wondering why she would employ someone as sleazy as Marcus
“Marcus is a good business man, don’t be fooled by the used car salesman look, he’s good” she said
“He handles the day to day, the marketing, the networking and lets me get on with doing what I love doing”
“So his “Mr Car Boot Sale” act?” I wondered
“Is just a front” she confirmed
“Much like Gloria” I suggested
“Ah Gloria, I know she’s a rubbish receptionist but she’s family” she said and when she saw my expression she laughed
“Do you really think I would keep her on just because she’s family?” Tilly asked “I’m not a business woman, but I’m not stupid”
“She’s not all tits and bad attitude” She added “Gloria designed the website, and maintains the blog, she writes all my beta test reports, she is like an iceberg, there is more to her than meets the eye”
“So why is she on reception?” I asked
“We can’t afford another full time member of staff” she replied “yet”
We sat drinking wine in her luxury apartment
“Are all the staff either family or friends?” I asked
“Pretty much” she replied “I like having people around me that I know and trust”
“My work is my life” Tilly told me “for now anyway I enjoy my own company, and I’m not really a sexual being”
“I can’t say I noticed that” I pointed out
“Well every now and then I get an itch that I need someone else to scratch” she confided
“And the rest of the time”? I asked
“The rest of the time I do my own scratching”
After another glass or two of wine she elaborated
“When I first met you I knew instantly that you were a man who wouldn’t be looking for ties and I found that very attractive”
I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or not, I thought not in the end
“I’m not looking for a life partner, just a friend with benefits”
“Oh”
She drained her wine glass and taking me by the hand she said
“Now I think I would like another go with your scratcher”