Christmas Humour # 2

CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 1

I kept the kids home from school
For the big Christmas shop
Because during school time
You rush round without a stop

FOR STRESS FREE SHOPPING

For stress free shopping
Follow this golden rule
And get all of it done
While the kids are at school

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 1

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Oh do me a favour please
It’s obviously a man
Why is it so hard to believe?
That’s why everything happens
Late on Christmas Eve

THE LAST REINDEER

A reindeer walked into a pub,
And ordered a pint of beer.
The barman pulled a pint
And gave it to the reindeer,

The reindeer took the drink
And handed over a ten
He checked his change
Then he checked it again

The barman then said
"You’re the first reindeer
I think I’m right in saying
That we've had in here."

He delivered to the barman
A look, barely disguised
“To be honest at these prices
I'm really not surprised”

FAIRY TALE STATISTIC

Here’s a Statistic
That’s really crappy
6 out of 7 dwarves
Really aren’t Happy

CHRISTMAS TRIMMINGS

Christmas planning is essential
Or else the festive ambience suffers
And you will not easily be forgiven
If you forget the stocking stuffer’s

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 2

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Why has this not come up before?
If it were left to a man everything
Would come from the corner store

AFTER THREE WEEKS OR SO

After three weeks or so
Working in the grotto
It begins to take its toll
On the poor old soul
Sitting on his great chair
Pretending to care
As all the girls and boys
Plead for various toys
Kids of every shape and size
Looking for a prize
Clambering on his knee
Wriggling with glee
Until the poor old chap
Suffers from Santa lap

THE OFFICE PARTY

The office party
Was relief from the slog
When you spent your time
Hitting the nog
And hanging by the mistletoe
Hoping for a snog

SNOWMAN

What a lovely snowman
Big and round and tall
There isn’t anything I like better
Really nothing at all
It’s the first thing I look for
As soon as the snow falls
It’s definitely a snowman
See it has “Snow balls”

I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK

I wish you Good luck
I wish you Good cheer
I wish you Good health
For the coming year

I wish you Good times,
I wish you great days
But I will never ever
Wish you Happy holidays