A Humourous Selection # 13

I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT IT QUITE IRONIC

I’ve always thought it quite ironic
That along with the malcontents
The favoured tipple of choice
For the homeless is Tenants

I’VE GOT TO DRIVE MYSELF TO BLACKPOOL

I’ve got to drive myself to Blackpool
And I’ve not long passed my test
Now I have to navigate my way around
The cobbled motorways of the northwest

DREADLOCKS AND YOUR WHITE

Dreadlocks and your white
Interesting look but with a snag
It makes your head look like
An exploded Hoover bag

I HAVE SIX POINTS ON MY LICENCE

I have six points on my licence
I’ve been done for speeding before
but today I was cautioned to slow down
By my doctor and not by the law

MY REGIMEN IS NON-STOP

My regimen is non-stop
I have so many pills to pop
If I desist I’m for the chop
They’re for life I cannot stop

IT’S NOT THE SAINTED CORPS

It’s not the sainted corps
Of unacquainted bores
Hunting painted whores
To perform their tainted chores

MY WIFE AND I ARE VOYEURS

My wife and I are voyeurs
We like to watch then get at it
But the weathers gas been so bad
We haven’t been out to watch it
So at home we checked the listings
And a program left us all agog
But we were really disappointed
When we switched on for Watch Dog

I KEEP GETTING EMAILS

I keep getting emails
About penis extensions
But they’re not for me
Those kinds of inventions
Some may think that the lily
Is in need of some gilding
But no they’re not for me
As I live in a listed building

I LOST MY VIRGINITY DURING EXAMS

I lost my virginity during exams
I don’t think it at all immoral
I will never forget the experience
It was one hell of a French oral

A LIFESAVING TOOL

She bought a lifesaving tool for her car
Which for her was quite astute
It’s designed to cut through your seat belt
In the event of it trapping you on route
Particularly in the aftermath of a Crash
Unfortunately Bimbette keeps hers in the boot

CALL CENTER MODE ONCE AGAIN

One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her

"Hello how can I help you?"
The tech support guy said
“I have a huge problem”
She replied scratching her head

That’s why I decided
To phone up the engineers
Coz Every time I move the mouse
My screen saver disappears”