I’M THINKING ABOUT TAKING A HOLIDAY # 4
I’m thinking about taking a holiday
But I don’t know where to go
I have never been in Flexible
But I really don’t know
I think it’s important to stand firm
So I would have to say no
ARE YOU WEARING LEDERHOSEN?
Are you wearing lederhosen?
Well that’s a look you could lose
And they make your buttocks squeak
Like a pair of new shoes
MY DOG MUST BE MUSICAL
My dog must be musical
What rubbish I hear you groan
But he must be I tell you
As I saw him eating a trombone
I’M WORRIED ABOUT ONE OF MY HENS
I’m worried about one of my hens
There’s something wrong with Megs
I think she must have been possessed
As she keeps laying Devilled eggs
ARE YOU WEARING A DIADEM?
Are you wearing a diadem?
Why are you some kind of princess?
No you actually have to be royalty
Not just daddy’s little princess
ARE YOU WEARING BAGGY DUNGAREES?
Are you wearing baggy dungarees?
Oh yes they’re the bee’s knees
And I can get inside them with ease
In fact I can have them round your knees
Quicker than you can sneeze
Oh yes I like your baggy dungarees
ARE YOU WEARING BRUT?
Are you wearing brut?
How 1970s of you
And it smells as if
You splashed it all over too
ARE YOU WEARING DENIM?
Are you wearing denim?
I didn’t know you could still buy it
It’s just like I remember
And it still smells like shit
My mate asked me why
I’m a United fan
I replied that it was
Because my brother Dan
Supported the Reds,
Also my dad was a United man
And my mum was a
Lifelong United fan
So that was why I was also
A Man United fan
“That’s ridiculous” he said
“What if your brother was a thug?
Your mum was a prostitute
And your dad was on drugs
What would you be then?
You poor misguided fool?”
“Well obviously” I replied
“Then I'd support Liverpool”
SOMEWHERE UNPRONOUNCEABLE # 3
I went on holiday to somewhere unpronounceable
The people suffered poverty and starvation
All the inhabitant had to live in their cars
It was the first time I’d come across an in-car-nation
HE CERTAINLY WASN’T MUCH OF A POLICEMAN # 1
He certainly wasn’t much of a policeman
Of that there was very little doubt
His colleagues called him the station cat
Because on rainy nights he never went out