I HAVE A LONGSTANDING GIRLFRIEND

 

I have a longstanding girlfriend

Who quite honestly makes me frown

I have lost count of the number of times

I’ve told her to just sit down

EATON COLLEGE ADVENT CALENDAR

 

You can now buy an Eaton College

Advent calendar

I’ve never seen one before

There are no overt messages

But there is someone there

To open every door

ELEPHANTS HAVE REALLY THICK SKIN

 

Even though they never forget

Elephants have really thick skin

So, you can say whatever you like

And really stick the knife in

UNLUCKY IN LUST

He fancied a change so asked his trophy girlfriend

“What about swinging do you fancy that?"

At the party he threw his keys in a bowl, but alas

Having arrived in a Porsche he went home alone in a Passat

THE STATE OF GRACE

 

Let me tell you about my Aunty Grace

She was found, to her utter disgrace,

In a state of undress in a public place,

Unashamedly sitting on a young man’s face

STRAWBERRY HEADED MAIDEN FAIR

 

All I can do is stand and stare

At the strawberry headed maiden fair

The girl with the shinning blonde hair

Oh beautiful maiden standing there

With tresses of reddish-blonde hair

Please be the answer to my prayer

TWENTY YEARS HAVE PAST

 

Twenty years have past

Since we stood side by side

It wasn’t all hearts and flowers

At times it was a bumpy ride

I think it’s been an achievement

And I feel an intense pride

I wouldn’t have spent a moment

Without you by my side

I don’t regret a single moment

Though there were tears along the way

But there was laughter also

And there was love every day

 

So here’s to the twenty years

That have happily gone before

Twenty happy years of love

I hope we have twenty more