ARE YOU WEARING A NEW YEARS OUTFIT?

 

Are you wearing a New Year’s outfit?

Well, you really do look good in it

And it doesn’t look risqué, not a bit

It’s a really cracking little outfit

Though all the emphasis is on the fit

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 8

 

Is Santa Claus really a woman?

Well, there’s no evidence yet

But ask yourself if a man

Would choose to wear red velvet

WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES

 

When the clock strikes

The midnight hour

One-year ends

And another begins

With an explosion

Of pyrotechnic splendour

Lavishly ostentatious

Many thousands of pounds

Up in smoke

Is it really worth it?

Would it not be better spent?

On the homeless

And the lost

And so, begin a new year

With new hope

IT’S SUCH A MILD NEW YEAR

 

It’s such a mild New Year

All the birds are singing noisily

Noisy little bastards

Should be frozen to a tree

NEW YEARS PICKUP # 1

When you’re on the pull

If you want to break the ice

Say something funny

Or say something nice

Be complimentary

Or just lie in your endeavour

Be devastatingly witty

Or say something clever

On New Year’s Eve

Before the bells begin to clang

Ask her if she wants to

Ring in the New Year with a bang? 

THE YEAR IS TURNING

 

The year is turning, the cycle

Has made another revolution

It’s time once more to make

The obligatory resolution

Which is broken within days

But this year I have a solution

In order to make it last

I will not make a resolution

NEW RESOLVE

 

My New Year resolution

Was to find a solution

To my misshapen figure

And lack of vim and vigour

Though feeling rather grim

I signed up for the gym

First came the orientation

And equipment demonstration

I was told of suitable clothes

Something loose that flows

I said “the reason or the point

Of me being in this joint

And why I signed up tonight

Is all my clothes are tight”