Christmas is a funny time of year
At no other
time of year are the shops full to overflowing
With people
who clearly don’t want to be there
Spending
money they don’t have
On things
the recipients of them won’t like
You send
cards to people you haven’t seen for years
And you get
cards from people you’ve never heard of
You spend
the day itself
Amidst the
people you’ve managed to avoid all year
You have to
kiss relatives you never knew you had
Who keep
farting and blaming it on the dog
You dine on
roast Turkey
Which no
one lists as their favourite meat
And you
have to sit at the table wearing silly paper hats
When for
the rest of the year you mustn’t wear a hat at the table
You eat
Christmas pudding and mince pies
That give
everyone heartburn
Then you
all sit around a dead tree
Pretending
to like the presents you open
You eat
sweets and nuts that you took out of a sock
While you
watch the Queens speech
Then you
play parlour games suggested by someone
Who claims
in their day “they had to make their own entertainment”
Who then
falls asleep in his chair
But despite
all of this I still love it
