MERRY CHRISTMAS SIR

 

Merry Christmas sir, I’m your paper boy

I bring you daily tidings of peace and joy

I know that at 6am that no one knocks

But how else would I get my Christmas box

JINGLE BELLS

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Jingle all the way.

I’ve got a gun and a clever disguise

To rob the bank on its busiest day

 

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Jingle all the way.

We got caught do you know why?

Because we only had a getaway sleigh

SCROOGE AND GRINCH

 

Scrooge and Grinch

Don’t believe in Christmas

When the carolers come along

They start to swear and cuss

 

Ebeneezer Scrooge is a skinflint

A mean and grasping old miser

Who buys from the pound shop

And sells them at a fiver

 

Little more than a grouch

Is the Christmas stealing Grinch

Who to miserable to be happy

He steals your Christmas by the inch

 

The tale is told of redemption

After the ghostly haunting stunt

The Grinch whole-hearted and loving

Says merry Christmas with a grunt

Scrooge and Grinch never changed

They were just putting on a front

MOTHER CHRISTMAS, THANKS

 

Mums make Christmas

Only they can

That is a fact of life

Her mission is simple

Every year

Recreating the day

 

Christmas for her

Holidays for her

Require of her to

Illuminate the season

Supply an army

Trim and decorate

Make and manufacture

Aid and assist

Sustain and nourish

 

Thank her

Honour her

Assist her

Neglect her not

Kids and spouses

Should respect her

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 307

 Saw ye Eppie Marly, honey,

The woman that sells anything, honey?

She's lost her virtue and a' her money,

Wi' following a Goodtime Charlie, honey.

CANDY CANES, CINNAMON AND GINGER

 

Candy Canes,

Cinnamon and Ginger

Are some of my favourite

Christmas things

Especially when

They’re only wearing

Christmas Stockings

And Popcorn Strings

IF YOU PUT CANDY CANES ON THE TREE

 

If you put Candy canes on the tree

And Popcorn on strings

Then let me give the kind of advice

That experience brings

Don’t pack them away after the

Bell of New Year rings

Otherwise, next year they will be

Seriously unsavoury things