THE QUEEN’S SPEECH

 

The Queen it would appear

Gets a TV special every year

But one of my many queries

Is why does she never get a series?

THE BEST FORM OF EXERCISE

 

The best form of exercise

Is sex! Well, that’s what they say

But five minutes at Christmas

Won’t take my beer gut away

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 304

There was a Ship sailed away to Spain

All the way there it was lashed with rain

And when they arrived at last in Spain

Where the rain didn’t fall in the main

As Higgins suggested on the plain

I DON’T MEAN TO GO INTO A PANIC

I don’t mean to go into a panic

Or cause a massive fuss

But there are now only twelve

Shoplifting days until Christmas

MY WIFE LOVES EXCHANGING PRESENTS

 

My wife loves exchanging presents

Happily, amidst the Christmas cheer

In fact, she enjoys it so very much

She exchanges my gift every year

RED BIKE

 

One Christmas

I got a big Red Bike

With white mudguards

All new and shiny like

 

But alas it was gone

Again, on Boxing Day

It belonged to the post office

So, the police took it away

ARE YOU WEARING BLUE TINSEL?

 

Are you wearing blue tinsel?

Tied amidst your lustrous curls

Not a festive hue and yet

You have it amidst the curls

So is it a statement or was it

The only colour you could get