REINDEER TURN

 

Rudolph is doing stand up

At this year’s Christmas do

But between each gag he says

“This one will sleigh you”

IT WAS THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY

 

It was the office Christmas party

Where I met my girl Lottie

I felt really out of place

Every girl there was totty

I was out of my comfort zone

They were all pouty and hottie

I was just about to go home

When she said, “Are you Scottie?”

I said, “yes how did you know?”

“I asked” she said “I’m Lottie,

So, you could ask me to dance”

I looked at her like she was Potty

She just smiled at me patiently

I smiled back and said, “What me?”

She nodded and smiled again

And was swept off my feet by Lottie

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 294

Eppie Marly's thinks she’s fine,

And won’t go out to herd the swine,

She lies in her bed till eight or nine,

The lads on the farm all think its fine

ARE YOU WEARING COLOGNE?

 

Are you wearing cologne?

You’re wearing “Black Knight”

What is going on?

Something’s not right

Your wearing you’re cologne

And it’s a school night

It’s not your birthday

So, you’re not due a delight

It’s definitely not Christmas

I know I have that right

It’s a snow day tomorrow?

Ok turn out the light

SEASONS GREETINGS

 

Tis the festive season

Of goodwill and reason

For the politically correct

The dithering and the direct

For the clubs and the cliques

And tedious control freaks

For the anal retentive's

And their many representatives

For council house yobs

And the inverted snobs

Those with professional jobs

And intellectual snobs

For the easily offended

And the over complicated

For the vile and the venomous

The overt and the anonymous

Snake in the grass vipers

And Backstabbing snipers

To the tarts and the vicars

And those in disposable knickers

For all poetry scrawlers

And the unpleasant name callers

For the narrowly minded

And those with axes grinded

For the loud minority

And the silent majority

For blondes and brunettes

And all lads and laddettes

Those pierced and tattooed

And the prim and the lewd

For the bright and the bland

And the humble and the grand

For those who are pretentious

And the liberal consensus

Every class hew and breed

Every persuasion and creed

Whether ungifted or artistic

And the mentally arthritic

For the first and the last

And sense of humour bypassed

For those with rhyme and reason

So, in the spirit of the season

Now the year is nearly done

Merry Christmas everyone

THE CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS

 

When first you hear

A seasonal refrain

You know its time

To climb the ladder again

Up to the attic

Amongst the dust

To find the box

That is a must.

Where your heart will lift

At its very sight

And when in hand

You’ll grip it tight

Such is its precious nature

A box of magic

Of which its loss

Would be so tragic

For so special are

The boxes contents

Because this box

Contains the ornaments

That will grace the tree

And each trinket and angel

Every bell and bauble

Has a special tale to tell

For every ornament

That hangs upon the tree

Holds its own

Christmas memory

CHRISTMAS ARRIVAL

 

So, what should we name you?

On such an auspicious day

It must be a fitting name

And chosen in a respectful way

 

We couldn’t name you Jesus

That just wouldn’t fit

You couldn’t go thru life

Named Jesus Schmitt

And anyway, you’re a girl

So, we named you Kit