When you’re on the pull
If you want
to break the ice
Say
something funny
Or say
something nice
Be
complimentary
Or just lie
in your endeavour
Be
devastatingly witty
Or say
something clever
On New
Year’s Eve
Before the
bells begin to clang
Ask her if
she wants to
Ring in the
New Year with a bang?
A little girl watched her dad dress for a party.
And then she gave her dad a warning
“Daddy, you shouldn't wear that dinner suit”
He asked, “why not?” his curiosity dawning
“Because you know that it always gives
You a bad headache the next morning”
I was separated from my wife
Due to my serial infidelity
And found myself in bed again
With her best friend Felicity
It was on New Year’s Day
And Felicity asked me
“Did you make a resolution?
What was it? Go on tell me”
I replied “Not to be unfaithful
Ever again to my wife Pru”
As she climbed onto me she asked
“How’s that working out for you?”
I made a New Year’s resolution
To stop having one-night stands
Which would be easier to do
If second dates were in my plans
This year’s New Year’s Eve forecast:
A row with the girlfriend, acute loneliness
Followed by being mostly drunk with
A very slight chance of unconsciousness
New Year’s resolutions are just
Lies that we tell one another
And are something that go in
One year and out the other
My only New Year's resolution
Is to be
more optimistic next year
By keeping
my cup half-full
With either vodka, whiskey, or beer
