A LITTLE GIRL’S WARNING

A little girl watched her dad dress for a party.

And then she gave her dad a warning

“Daddy, you shouldn't wear that dinner suit”

He asked, “why not?” his curiosity dawning

“Because you know that it always gives

You a bad headache the next morning”

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 1

 

I was separated from my wife

Due to my serial infidelity

And found myself in bed again

With her best friend Felicity

It was on New Year’s Day

And Felicity asked me

“Did you make a resolution?

What was it? Go on tell me”

I replied “Not to be unfaithful

Ever again to my wife Pru”

As she climbed onto me she asked

“How’s that working out for you?”

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 2

 

I made a New Year’s resolution

To stop having one-night stands

Which would be easier to do

If second dates were in my plans

THIS YEAR’S NEW YEAR’S EVE FORECAST:

 

This year’s New Year’s Eve forecast:

A row with the girlfriend, acute loneliness

Followed by being mostly drunk with

A very slight chance of unconsciousness

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS ARE JUST

 

New Year’s resolutions are just

Lies that we tell one another

And are something that go in

One year and out the other

MY ONLY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

My only New Year's resolution

Is to be more optimistic next year

By keeping my cup half-full

With either vodka, whiskey, or beer 

NEW YEAR’S EVE IS ONE OF THE FEW

 

New Year’s Eve is one of the few

Acceptable times to wear body glitter

When you have a reasonable expectation

Of not being mistaken for a stripper