ARE YOU WEARING ELF EARS?

 

Are you wearing elf ears?

It’s a very sweet look on you

So, take me to your workshop

And do what little elves do

GIFTS FOR EVERYONE

 

Jimmy got an iPod

Sally got an iPhone

Dad got an iPad

Mum got an iRon

Happy Christmas? iThink not

NEW FOR CHRISTMAS

There is to be a new sanitary product

That is set to make cash registers ring

A new tampon in the shops by Christmas

That comes complete with a tinsel string

 

The retailers are extremely confident

And believe that sales will be myriad

But they have been at pains to stress

They are only meant for the festive period

WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED - SAFELY

 

While shepherds watched their flocks by night

All seated on the ground,

An inspector from the HSE came down

And he quickly wore a frown

CANDLELIGHT

 

Across the distant lonely miles

There stands my love

With comrade’s brave

Who stands beneath a Christmas sky

Singing carols just as I

Familiar carols

And sentiments we share.

Of course, it’s Christmas,

That makes me wish you near

And makes me wipe away a tear

I pray to God to keep you safe

To wrap you in his loving light

Now the bells of Christmas fill the air

And I think of my love standing there

Underneath the Christmas sky.

In the church I keep a candle lit

That will burn while we’re apart

And my undying love for him

Will keep burning in my heart

GIRL POWER

 

All of the reindeer

Pulling Santa’s sleigh

Are adorned with antlers

As they make their way

 

Well, only female reindeer

On the Christmas flight

Still retain their antlers

By Christmas night

 

So the whole team are girls

Is that really shocking?

An all female team?

Carrying gifts for every stocking

 

Who else could be trusted?

To circumnavigate the globe

In only one night

Not the guy in the red robe

 

But the overweight old man

With no dress sense

Who is too lazy to shave

Gets thanked for the presents

 

And do we get any recognition

For delivering the toys

No, we don’t get a mention

And everyone thinks that we are boys

CHRISTMAS RECIPE

 

Why can we not bottle its essence?

The Christmas recipe,

That heady concoction

That special combination

Light of heart,

Quick of step

A song on the lips

A symphony in the heart

Externally warmed by the fireside

Internally warmed by mulled wine

Generosity of spirit

Jollity and laughter

Its crisp cold winter days

And frosty starry nights

Evergreens and mistletoe

The smells of a Christmas kitchen

Infused with cinnamon and ginger

It’s overindulgence

It’s thinking of others

Absent friends

Far away loved ones

It’s sharing and caring

It’s loving thy neighbour

Its compassion

Its children laughing

Its mothers sighing

It’s the Christmas recipe

Why can we not bottle its essence

So that at times when are souls are troubled

Or our hearts are heavy

At moments when the darkness has descended

We could unscrew the cap

And breathe deeply of its heady brew

And be once more refreshed