There is to be a new sanitary product
That is set
to make cash registers ring
A new
tampon in the shops by Christmas
That comes
complete with a tinsel string
The retailers
are extremely confident
And believe
that sales will be myriad
But they
have been at pains to stress
While shepherds watched their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
An inspector
from the HSE came down
And he
quickly wore a frown
Across the distant lonely miles
There
stands my love
With comrade’s
brave
Who stands
beneath a Christmas sky
Singing
carols just as I
Familiar
carols
And
sentiments we share.
Of course,
it’s Christmas,
That makes
me wish you near
And makes
me wipe away a tear
I pray to
God to keep you safe
To wrap you
in his loving light
Now the
bells of Christmas fill the air
And I think
of my love standing there
Underneath
the Christmas sky.
In the church
I keep a candle lit
That will
burn while we’re apart
And my
undying love for him
Will keep
burning in my heart
All of the reindeer
Pulling
Santa’s sleigh
Are adorned
with antlers
As they
make their way
Well, only
female reindeer
On the Christmas
flight
Still
retain their antlers
By Christmas
night
So the
whole team are girls
Is that
really shocking?
An all
female team?
Carrying
gifts for every stocking
Who else
could be trusted?
To
circumnavigate the globe
In only one
night
Not the guy
in the red robe
But the
overweight old man
With no
dress sense
Who is too
lazy to shave
Gets
thanked for the presents
And do we get
any recognition
For
delivering the toys
No, we
don’t get a mention
And
everyone thinks that we are boys
Why can we not bottle its essence?
The Christmas
recipe,
That heady
concoction
That
special combination
Light of
heart,
Quick of step
A song on
the lips
A symphony
in the heart
Externally
warmed by the fireside
Internally
warmed by mulled wine
Generosity of
spirit
Jollity and
laughter
Its crisp
cold winter days
And frosty
starry nights
Evergreens
and mistletoe
The smells
of a Christmas kitchen
Infused
with cinnamon and ginger
It’s overindulgence
It’s
thinking of others
Absent
friends
Far away loved
ones
It’s
sharing and caring
It’s loving
thy neighbour
Its
compassion
Its
children laughing
Its mothers
sighing
It’s the
Christmas recipe
Why can we
not bottle its essence
So that at
times when are souls are troubled
Or our
hearts are heavy
At moments
when the darkness has descended
We could
unscrew the cap
And breathe
deeply of its heady brew
And be once
more refreshed
I got a book for Christmas
“101 sexual
positions”
I got it
from my brother
My wife
also received a book
“102 handy
excuses”
A present
from her mother
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like
the ones I used to know”
But if I
should run out of the white
I will
gladly drink the red though
