IN AUCKLAND NEW ZEALAND

 

In Auckland New Zealand

They don’t say Happy Christmas

As it’s built on a strip of land

So instead they say Merry Isthmus

BLACK CHRISTMAS

 

Now that the one I love is gone

The season has left me bitter

My heart has lost its soulmate

And Christmas has lost its glitter

BREAKFAST TIME COMES

 

Breakfast time comes

Just after day breaks

When Frosty the snowman

Eats his Snowflakes

IF THE STORK WAS TO VISIT

 

If the stork was to visit

Santa and Mrs. Claus

The child would naturally be called

The subordinate Claus

LUCY WANTED TO BUY HER GRANNY

 

Lucy wanted to buy her Granny

A ladies handkerchief set

But in the end changed her mind

She didn’t know what size to get

IN THE GREAT NORTH POLE HALLS

 

When all the work is done

In the great north pole halls

The elves dress up for dancing

For their Christmas Balls!

An Unentertaining Christmas

 

Since the advent of Cable and Satellite the quality of the entertainment seems to diminish as each Christmas passes.

It used to be bad enough in the old days when there were only three channels to fill.

Now we allegedly have more choice than we have ever had, although I think the reality is that we merely have more channels.

The terrestrial channels can’t compete and to be honest don’t even try any more to offer anything that we might consider to be of acceptable quality.

Year after year all five channels are packed with a mixture of repeats and things which should never be seen again.

Take this Christmas just gone, I can’t think of one single stand out program that appeared on the terrestrial channels.

To be truthful it doesn’t have to be the latest Christmas schedule as every one is the same.

The Great Escape, Tom Browns schooldays, Mr Chips and the obligatory Sound of Music.

However there are sometimes a selection of new dramas though quite honestly they do flatter to deceive.

I remember one holiday season several years ago one of the offerings was something called Uncle Adolph.

God alone knows what they were thinking.

Ken Stott had the lead role, although he was more reminiscent of Groucho Marx than the Fuhrer and at one point good old incestuous Uncle Adolph was sat knocking out a tune on the piano to impress his pretty young niece and I genuinely thought he was going to burst into a chorus of “Springtime for Hitler”.

To be quite honest the play couldn’t have been anymore ludicrous if he had.

I do still get my bumper Christmas edition of the Radio Times every year and open it with real hope that this year will be better than the one before, but alas.