When I awoke on Tuesday morning, early riser in hand, I reflected on the previous days events and determined it to be the best bonfire night I had ever had.
I didn’t even bother chastising myself for yet another notch on my totem of betrayal I just had to accept my shortcomings for the time being anyway.
Still gripping my horn I lustily anticipated revisiting Mahajak’s for some more customer servicing.
I do like the small shop ethos of being open all hours.
The good news was that Omid was still in hospital and would be for at least another week the bad news however was that Anjuli would only be visiting every other day.
I could quiet easily cope with only tasting her delights every other day
The thought of what had happened the night before and of what was to possibly still to come was not diminishing my erection so I took myself off to the shower to deal with it.
After my satisfying shower I set to work and I spent a day outlining future chapters and then spent the rest of the week on Gerald’s stories.
On the Thursday Lionel phoned me to say he had found a number of small publishers who he thought might be interested and could I send him any more finished pieces.
One of whom, he said, on hearing that the sample story was taken from a live recording by the author suggested releasing them as a recording.
I thought that might be a great idea the stories really did come alive when he told them, far more than my written format.
Having locked myself away from the sinful world for the best part of four days as I worked on the transcribed stories it was something of a relief to get out of the house and when I emerged from my home on Friday morning on a cold November morning it was in response to another phone call from Lionel Blum who had the name of an audio expert, or “whiz kid” as Lionel called him, who he had engaged to clean up the Overend recordings.
I liked the idea of a much wider section of people having the opportunity to bask in the illuminating light that shone from Gerald as he spoke.
But I was uneasy about handing over the tapes to a complete stranger, whiz kid or not.
In the end I reached a compromise with Lionel who suggested releasing into the “whiz kids” possession a small selection of tapes and after reviewing their quality a decision would be made how to proceed further.
Some of the recordings were just of Gerald speaking into a microphone and they were the most complete in terms of content, but the other ones where he recorded secretly as he told the tales to an enraptured audience.
So I selected ten recordings, five with an audience and 5 without on a variety of different media and slipped them into my inside coat pocket and away I went.
I called in at Mahajak’s on the way to the station and flirted with the two women as usual.
“How’s Omid?” I asked Shula
“He’s doing well” She replied Aunt Anjuli is going to see him tonight, aren’t you aunty”
Anjuli nodded and smiled in response
I gave Shula a wink and she smiled at me.
“Give him my best wishes,” I said to Aunt Anjuli
“I will, I will” she replied happily
“And while you give him my best wishes I will be giving his wife something else” I thought to myself
Once I had disembarked in Kiddingstone I took the first cab on
The rank and we quickly headed towards the address supplied.
When we pulled up outside the Sound Bite Studio’s I was in truth not impressed.
The premises were drab and dingy and quite frankly uninspiring.
My first instinct was to get the cab to return me to the station but Lionel had said he was an expert so I decided I would at least meet the “whiz kid”.
I paid the cab driver and walked towards the unimpressive front entrance.
Failing to locate a doorknob, I placed my hand on the push plate and put my weight behind it but the door didn’t open to my touch.
I looked to the left and saw an intercom so I pushed the buzzer.
Then the speaker crackled and a tinny voice said
“Yes?”
“Simon Fisher to see Marcus Crossfield” I shouted at the wall
“Come up” the voice said and the lock, buzzed
I repeated my previous action with the door and this time it yielded.
On entering the dimly lit lobby my first thought was that at least it was in keeping with the façade.
I trudged up the stairs wishing I’d stayed at home but when I pushed open the door at the top of the staircase I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Everything was shinny chrome and bright lights and there was hi-tech equipment everywhere, it was such a stark contrast to the outside.
“Can I help?” a voice said in a manner that conveyed anything but the desire to help.
Also I couldn’t help smiling as I thought I had done the speaker quality a disservice as the girl actually had a tinny voice.
She was a small girl in her mid twenties, Gloria, according to the name on her coffee mug, and she was about 4ft 10” quite slim but with the most enormous tits, rather too big for my taste, they were almost in the realm of comedy breasts, totally out of proportion to her tiny frame.
They were displayed in a very low cut black top and looked like two bald men sharing a coat.
Her face was not an attractive one but I suppose when you have tits like that, most men wouldn’t even notice her face.
“Yes” I said, “I’m here to see Marcus Crossfield”
“Name?” she barked
“Simon Fisher” I replied rather sharply as I’d already told her all of this over the intercom.
“Wait here” she ordered and walked away
I assumed that the boss employed her because of the size of her nork's and not for her expertise or personality.
A few moments later she returned
“This way” Gloria called and led me to my appointment, I have to say that her arse end was much more pleasing to my eye than her frontage.
When we reached Marcus Crossfield’s office she stepped to one side and grunted
“In there”
I stepped through the open door and was greeted by a middle-aged man dressed like a used car salesman, some whiz kid, I thought.
“Simon” he said standing up and proffering his hand.
I took his hand
“Marcus” I said shaking his hand, he certainly shook hands like a salesman.
“Please call me Marc,” he said pointing, “Take a seat”
I sat and thought Lionel had clearly been given some bad information about Mr. Crossfield and I thought there was little chance I would remain there for long.
“I must apologize for Gloria, she’s a lousy receptionist but did you get an eyeful of those magnificent jugs?” he said almost drooling
I wasn’t in the mood for male bonding so I pressed on him the reason for our meeting.
“Lionel Blum tells me you come highly recommended”
“Well not me” he interrupted “it’s my company but Tilly is the genius”
He stood up and walked around the desk
“I’ll introduce you” he said and led me along a corridor and into an office/studio, which had computers and mixing desks and every gadget imaginable, clearly Tilly was the whiz kid.
And sitting at a console was a young woman wearing headphones.
“Tilly?” Marcus shouted.
And she looked up, smiled and took off her headphones
Tilly was a tall girl, stick thin, with no visible bust line at all, clearly behind Gloria in that particular queue, She had no hips and from behind she looked like a boy.
I ascertained she was probably mid to late twenties; she had a pretty face, even prettier when she smiled which she did as she approached.
“Tilly this is Simon Fisher” he said to her and then addressing me “and this is Tilly Bushe”
We shook hands and Marcus excused himself leaving me with skinny Minnie.
I was still a little uneasy about handing over the tapes, as the company hadn’t so far lived up to my expectations.
But Tilly explained what some of the equipment did and the process she would follow.
“The recordings will be quite safe” she assured me “the very first step is a high definition copy, to protect the integrity of the media”
“Ok” I said and handed over the tapes.
“Is that all of them?” she queried, “I understood there were a lot more”
“There are” I replied “but…”
“But you don’t trust me” Tilly concluded
“I don’t know you” I said “or what you are capable of”
“You will” she responded, “I promise”
“It’s just that these recordings were entrusted to me by Gerald Overend’s widow”
“I promise,” she repeated
So I took her at her word and left the recordings with her but she promised to have something for me soon.
But before I left she asked one last question
“I need a working title for the recordings”
I had given it some thought on my way over, I had already settled on “Tales From The Club House” for the written work.
And I remembered Gerald telling me one time that in his youth he was a big prog rock fan, King Crimson, Gentle Giant, Jethro Tull, Yes, that kind of stuff and I wasn’t a hundred percent sure if it was a song title or a lyric but I chose something that seemed appropriate.
“Raconteur Troubadour” I told Tilly then she took me to lunch and
Elaborated to me the methods she would employ and I think she was flirting with me.
Anyway we had a nice lunch and we had covered all the technical stuff so over coffee it was time to change the tone.
“So what is Tilly short for?” I asked expecting her to say Mathilda
“It’s not short for anything” she said, “It’s a family name”
“So what’s your actual name then?” I pressed
“Oh God” she winced “do I have to say?”
“Is it so terrible?” I asked
“Yes it really is” she buried her face in her hands
“Then yes you definitely have to say,” I told her
“Ophelia” Tilly said
I thought about it for a moment and then the penny dropped and I burst out laughing
“Ophelia Bushe?” I asked still laughing
“Stop it, it’s not funny,” she said laughing herself
“Oh it really is” I responded.
Well it was a bright sunny morning outside St Lucy’s church where the villagers were thronging around the war memorial as the Remembrance Day parade, Representatives of all the service, a proud bunch of Old soldiers, all arms of the scouting fraternity, local dignitaries et al came to a halt.
It was nice to see the Vicar had returned, looking a little pale and drawn, but nonetheless back in harness.
“A family crisis” was the reason, circulating the village, for her absence the week before.
I felt there was more to it than that but it was good to see her back.
It was a good service and then the village duly paid its tribute to the fallen in the time-honoured fashion.
I always felt a little humbled afterwards honouring those men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice, and if they had known the outcome their actions would not have differed.
I often wondered if the modern generation would be so resolute faced with the same challenges, I thought it doubtful.
Anyway I preferred to spend the rest of the day alone with my thought and so declined the invitation for lunch at the pub and headed home.
I walked along the quiet path that separated the houses from the golf course and was rather enjoying the peace and solitude.
When I was felled and left lying prostrate on the ground and then I felt a great weight on my chest
“Oh God” I thought, “I’m having a heart attach”
I closed my eyes and dark thoughts filled my mind and I wondered if I would be reduced to passive sex for the rest of my life, however short that life might be.
“Simon Fisher” a quiet voice spoke to me and I thought God is calling me to him, my time is over.
I can’t say I wasn’t a little disappointed, and not just about being taken at 29, I was expecting a great booming voice, a more commanding voice, not a soft female voice with an American accent.
And then I was appalled to think that God was an American, they get bloody everywhere, and a woman.
“Come on you wuss” the voice, said not very Godly and the weight lifted from my chest and I began to rise.
“Are you ok?” the voice asked, “Did I hurt you?”
I opened my eyes expecting to be at the gates of heaven but I was on the same path where I fell.
Being addressed by a soldier
“Are you ok?” the soldier asked
“Yes” I said a little puzzled
Then the soldier removed her hat
“Dakota”? I said with surprise
“Yep” she replied
“You didn’t say you were in the army” I was still surprised
“You didn’t ask” she replied
“No I didn’t,” I acknowledged
“That’s why I’m staying with Uncle Will” She explained “I’m on extended leave before we deploy”
“Where to?” I asked
“I can’t say” Dakota Replied. “Anyway, are you ok?”
“Yes” I said dusting my self-down
“You went down like a girl,” she said laughing hysterically
“On a Sunday in Bushy Down we don’t expect to be attacked in the woods by a ninja “
She was still laughing when she said
“Are we going back to yours then”?
“I do like a bird in uniform” I thought as we were walking back to the house.
Now I don’t know if it’s just a man thing or not, I don’t think it is.
I mean I’ve heard women go on about fireman a lot and they generally have a wistful look in their eye when doing so.
But what I do know is that it can’t just be me I mean uniforms are just phwoar.
Dakota was still ribbing me about how easy I went to ground as we walked down the lawn to the back door.
Dakota Browning’s uniform was well, as uniforms go I’ve seen sexier, it wasn’t the tailored skirt and tunic, brass buttons and polished belt, peaked cap, seamed stockings and khaki knickers kind of uniform.
It was yomping boots, combat trousers and battle dress jacket, although I was still hoping for khaki knickers.
But a uniform is a uniform and she was completely hairless remember.
I opened the door and let Dakota inside she bent down and began unlacing her boots.
I went in the hall and hung up my coat and slipped my shoes off and when I went back in the kitchen Dakota was stood on the back door mat wearing a Khaki vest, boxer shorts and her dog tags.
“That will do for me,” I thought, as I looked her over
“I don’t have long” she said “I have to report back to barracks on Tuesday”
Then she walked towards me and we kissed.
“We’d better not waste any more time then” I suggested and we kissed some more.
He body was solid, firm and muscular, and I’m sure she could have carried me off to bed if she wanted to.
“Where do want me sir?” she asked and threw a salute
“I think I want you upstairs soldier” I replied “on the double”
And she turned on her heels and ran upstairs I ran after her discarding clothes as I went.
When I entered the bedroom I was wearing one sock and my pants.
Dakota was stood facing me and pulled the vest off over her head and smiled as her breasts rearranged themselves before my eyes.
“Uncle Will told me that you have a reputation,” she said as I removed my errant sock “apparently everyone says that you’re a dog”
“People are prone to exaggerate,” I said as I dropped my pants
“Oh I do hope not” she responded looking at my erection
My pants were around my ankles and I lifted one foot out of the leg and kicked them at her face she threw out a hand to catch them and in that split second of distraction I crossed the room and manhandled her onto the bed.
“That’s dirty fighting” she yelped as I got her on her back and pinned her there
“Well GI Jane what are you going to do now?” I asked holding her immobilized on the bed
“I’m going to let you fuck me,” she said and I kissed her and her tongue was in my mouth in an instant.
Darting in and out as my hand released its grip on her wrist and instead grasped one of her firm breasts.
Her arms were around me now, her hands caressing my torso as I played with her nipple.
I stopped kissing her and she licked her lips and I began kissing my way down her skin from her neck to her pink proud nipple.
I licked her areola before taking the teat between my lips and sucking on it noisily.
Dakota wriggled beneath me and murmured contentedly as I suckled and her chest was rising and falling as her heart pounded in my ear.
With a slurp I released her swollen misshapen nipple and my lips began there journey south, kissing along the rim of her rib cage and down across her belly, a flick of my tongue in her belly button
And she squirmed.
I was knelt on the floor between her legs looking up at her, head turned to one side, mouth open, eyes closed, her tongue constantly licking her lips in anticipation.
I reached up my hands to her belly and slipping my fingers between the waistband of her shorts and her quivering flesh I tugged them gently over her hips and off her firm round buttocks and slowly down her thighs towards her knees and then they slipped easily passed her ankles.
And there she was naked and hairless before me, if she was at all self-conscious she didn’t show it.
She just squirmed a little and continued licking her lips.
And I was about to do the same.
I pushed her knees slightly apart and lean forward and starting where I had left off I kissed my way down from her navel to her silky smooth hairless mound.
She spread her thigh invitingly and there was her perfect soft naked pussy, the most aesthetically pleasing pussy I had ever seen
No razor burn, no stubble, no pimples, just a silky smooth mound and soft unblemished lips and as my lips moved to touch hers I thought the skin was the softest my lips had ever touched.
Then I open her with my tongue and she moaned in a hot velvety purr, a sound repeated often as I worked on her with my tongue until her back arched, her fanny farted and the velvet purr became a gravelly growl.
Dakota sat up and lifting my head from her juicy lips she kissed me and her spare hand began tugging on my cock.
As she kissed me I pushed her thighs wide open and let her guide my purple head between her moist lips.
As soon as I could feel her syrupy juice around my head I thrust my pelvis forward and I was in.
She stopped kissing me and let out the dirtiest whorish moan I’d ever heard, I hoped it wouldn’t be the last.
Dakota wrapped her arms around my neck, her face was pressed against mine and I could feel every moan that came from her as well as hearing it, it was incredibly sensual, dirty and pure at the same moment.
Her thighs squeezed my hips in response to every thrust.
But the soldier was tiring and she released her grip around my neck and fell backward onto the bed, her thighs still gripped on and now her legs wrapped around my arse.
Dakotas head was rolling back and forth and she was moaning almost continually, her hands had grasped handfuls of duvet as she writhed and wriggled.
And I was so close, I slid my hands along her soft skin and cupped her full round breasts as I rushed headlong to the point of ecstasy, and then with one final nerve tingling thrust, Dakota roared as I jerked, spasm’d and spaffed.
“Woof” I barked to the hairless panting creature beneath me and Dakota laughed between the panting and her pussy jiggled my cock, which made me laugh.
In the after glow on that November afternoon we cuddled under the duvet very snug and smug.
“Can I stay tonight”? She asked
“Of course hon” I replied and kissed her bald head
“Good” she said and we fell asleep but awoke two hours later refreshed and horny.
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 36) Remember, Remember
Since taking Georgia back to Roehampton I had had plenty of time to think about the time we spent together and more importantly the implications of our conversations.
The fact that Georgia wouldn’t be home until Christmas and we had agreed to keep contact to a minimum meant no lies and no broken promises.
All the time Georgia and I had been together, in fact ever since she set her cap at me back in May she had me heart and soul exclusively but not so my body.
But since she delivered her ultimatum, the threat of losing her love had been hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles.
Now I couldn’t believe it, I was off the hook; I no longer had to curb my appetites, as there was no apparent consequence to my actions.
So could I relax? Did I have to change? And if I didn’t have to change, could I change.
Well the lack of apparent consequences resulted in my treating myself to some Halloween over indulgence.
Following on from my Halloween hat trick with Jen on Saturday night I got to have her best friend Ellie on Halloween itself.
Traditionally it has never been my favourite holiday, as the Americans would say, however, never before have I been able to enjoy two such choice candies as Jenny and Emily, who certainly both did the trick and were a real treat.
I didn’t know it at the time but that Halloween was the last time I would get to enjoy the pleasures of Jenny Smithson though the little witch Emily Gomez would remain a frequent flyer.
But after having Emily I’m not sure I didn’t feel guiltier with the ultimatum suspended and not being under scrutiny, than I did when I was under threat.
Of course I always felt guilty after such lustful interactions, and this occasion was no different, and I always swore to myself not to do it again, again this time was no different.
But at the time, I perform my philandering betrayals without a second thought for the woman I love, and love her I most certainly do.
But with every pleasure there is a pain I just haven’t felt it yet.
So after mulling over everything for the umpteenth time I had decided that I would treat the temporary separation as an amnesty.
I could spend the next two months shagging everything with a pulse and I wouldn’t have to worry.
I wouldn’t be seeing Georgia so I wouldn’t have to lie to her so
I could do what I wanted or who I wanted between Halloween and Christmas
But I decided that I would not go looking for crumpet, I would not frequent pick up places, I would not hunt for wenches, but if some suitable choice titbits fell across my path who were in playful mood they would be considered fare game and sin free.
I made this decision knowing full well that the chance of me getting to Christmas with my balls dry was remote at best.
There were always opportunities of available skirt come December or put another way there were always plenty of chances to come in December with the available skirt.
Then in January it would be a case of New Year new me.
So with my old chap still tingling at the thought of my Halloween recollections I thought to myself.
“I hope Guy Fawkes Night goes with as big a bang as Halloween”
Since I first transcribed Gerald Overend’s tapes I had rather let things slip it was now the first day of November and a month had elapsed since the grieving widow entrusted the tapes to me.
So I determined my task for November was to begin in earnest my efforts to fulfil my promise to Eleanor.
I had already roughly transcribed the tapes a month earlier and now decided to choose one story and hone it into a something that was as credible and colourful as Gerald’s spoken words, and yet suitable for publication.
It was the first piece I had written for some considerable time that was not tantamount to pornography.
I spent considerably more time on this one story that I ever did on my own creations and when it was edited and polished I emailed it to my publisher Gordon Bramstock.
Gay Gordon replied later that day to say he enjoyed the story very much but it wasn’t something he was interested in, he preferred more salacious material, however he did give me the names of three publishers who might be interested.
So I called my agent Lionel Blum intending to put him to work, but he was meeting another client in Godalming so I left him a voice mail.
When he returned my call we arranged to meet for a drink in Guildford the next day.
As I walked towards the station, I checked my watch and found I had plenty of time to call in to Mahajak’s, the village shop and see the lovely Shulah.
The shop was owned and run by Omid although it was his young wife Shulah and her Aunt Anjuli who did all the work.
He was a surly old goat and old enough to be her father in fact he was old enough to be my father.
Shulah and her Aunt though were both lovely, Shushu was a few years younger than me, tall and slim but her thick back-combed hair made her look even taller.
She was a Skinny girl but not in a boney way she just had a skinny frame I was sure she would be extremely flexible in the clinches.
Her eyes were big and almost black and she had a huge toothy smile, which lit up the whole shop if not the village.
The rest of her figure was concealed beneath a loose fitting robe affair, but I knew what pert little breasts she had hidden under there after a close encounter in the unisex changing room at the swimming pool, where I had a delightful taster of what might be, when my hands explored inside her costume.
I had hopes that I might become better acquainted with her treasures.
I have always flirted dreadfully with her and her aunt and they always flirted back.
That day was no exception Shula was in the shop I brushed passed her very closely.
“Morning Shula” I said and she instantly got very flustered
“Oh, oh, good morning Simon” she said and moved awkwardly to the counter
“Hello Anjuli” I said to her aunt who blushed and giggled
As usual when it came time to pay, on this occasion for a newspaper, there was a lingering exchange where our hands almost touched but didn’t quite but then I caressed her hand with my thumb and brushed my fingertips against hers and she smiled a broad toothy smile and blushed.
“Bye Shushu” I said and winked at her and turned and walked away to catch my train.
When I was on the train Lionel rang me and said he would pick me up at the station.
We found a nice pub in Godalming and over a drink I explained what I wanted to do, but I made it perfectly clear that he would only get half his normal commission, as the proceeds would be going to charity.
Despite his having to take a cut in commission he cheerfully agreed.
I got home mid afternoon and had just sat down with a drink when the phone rang.
I was a little fed up, it was like they knew, as if there was a sensor in the chair and as soon as my arse hit the cushion the phone would ring or the doorbell would sound, it was a conspiracy.
“Hello” I said abruptly
“Hello Simon” said a hoarse voice “its Laura”
It’s just as well she clarified because I would never have recognised her voice.
My initial anger at being disturbed melted away when I realised Laura had the flu.
“Hello Laura” I said, “you don’t sound too good”
“It’s the flu I’m afraid” Laura said, “Could I ask a favour”?
“Of course” I replied
“Geoff has to work late and the twins are desperate to see the firework display tonight”
“And you would like me to take them”? I interrupted
“Would you?” she said
“What time would you like me?”
I picked the girls up at six and Laura couldn’t thank me enough for stepping in.
Lisa and Julie were incredibly excited in that way that only eight-year-old girls can be.
The firework display was to take place in long field, which ran between the railway line and the main road on the other side of the tracks from the village proper.
Apart from the fireworks and the obligatory bonfire, there were also the usual assortments of amusements, darts, shooting galleries, bingo that kind of thing. And I think the girls where looking forward to them as much as fireworks themselves.
By the time we had to take up position for the display they had both won something on their own and I had won them both a cuddly toy on the shooting gallery when we decided there was just time for one more hotdog before the fireworks.
By the time it was all over, between the games and the food I was pretty much cleaned out.
But I hadn’t had that much fun with my clothes on for a good long while so it was worth every penny.
I had taken some good shots of the pair of them on my phone playing various amusements and they took some of me and I got them to send them to Georgia.
With the smoke from the display still thick in the air I walked the twins to their house and as we were approaching, the front door opened and Geoff was standing there waiting.
“Dad, Dad” they cried running up the drive “look what we’ve got”
I didn’t know where they got the energy from but I was knackered but eventually the excited twins went inside
“Don’t wake mum” Geoffrey called to them before turning to me and shaking my hand
“Thank you so much Simon, Laura really isn’t well”
“It was a pleasure” I said “I’ve really enjoyed myself, and I’m not just saying that”
“Will you come in for nip?” he asked
“I won’t if you don’t mind, I’m shattered” I replied
“Another time then” Geoff said
I wondered on my way home if I should have gone in for that drink, when I thought about it I was left with the impression he may have wanted to talk about something.
Just as I was walking past the station and I had resolved to pop round for a chat with him over the next few days I noticed the lights from Mahajak’s village store.
As I got close I was delighted to see the lovely Shula closing up and Geoff somehow faded from my thoughts.
“Hello Shushu” I called as I approached
“Oh Simon” she said flustered, not quite knowing what to do or where to look.
“Where is everyone?” I asked, I knew Omid was in hospital though I didn’t know why
“Anjuli is visiting Omid at the hospital and I let Maisie finish early to see the fireworks” Shula said, “she works very hard, so I’m closing up on my own tonight”
“Let me help” I offered
“Thank you Simon,” she said smiling coyly
Between the two of us we soon made light work of it and when the last stack of plastic goods went in through the door I stood in the doorway and said
“Well that’s everything”
“Thank you Simon” she said and beamed a beautiful smile
“If there’s nothing else to do I’ll be going” I said and the smile left her face
“No, no” she said “come in, come in”
And she pushed me forcefully aside so she could close the door
“You must have a hot drink” she insisted, “You must be very cold, come, come”
This was a side of her I had never seen.
She led me behind the counter and through the bead curtain to the inner sanctum, which consisted of a small kitchen and a sitting room with two armchairs on one side and piles of boxes on the other, a rather dull and dingy place to be perfectly honest though brightened considerably by the lovely Shula who was at the sink filling the kettle.
I didn’t think she wanted a hot drink anymore than I did so I walked up behind her and put my hands where I approximated her waist to be and breathed in her perfume as I kissed her ear and neck
“Oh Simon” she sighed
I was standing so close behind her that her pert buttocks were pressed against me
“I don’t really want a hot drink,” I said
“Ok” she said and put the kettle down before turning to face me
“Perhaps you would like a soft drink or a beer” she suggested
I ignored her and before she could speak again I kissed her and the moment my lips touched hers she locked onto my mouth like a limpet and her arms gripped me around the neck like a bear trap.
It was a warm liquid kiss with hot tongues of passion.
My hands caressed up and down her skinny frame repeatedly searching the landscape for obstacles before both hands ended up on her tight little buttocks.
I had often perused Shula and her garb, which appeared to be seamless and attached in someway to her lower legs. I had absolutely no expertise of the kind of garment she was wearing and I didn’t know my way in so I maneuvered her towards one of the armchairs and as I sat down I pulled her down with me,
Because she was so tall her head was above me, kissing down into my mouth, her tongue like a striking serpent in and out of mine, lips still locked limpet like on mine, nostrils snorting in air.
I now had one arm around her shoulder and the opposite hand on her waist which I slid slowly up to her breast; she drew in a sharp sighing breath through her nose as I fondled her titty through the fabric of her robes and the bra beneath and the moment my palm cupped her plump fruit our mouths disengaged briefly and she gave me a toothy smile before locking onto me again.
I fondled her little tit for a few minutes, which felt really nice but I wanted more.
So my hand left her breast and went slowly down to her thigh and knowing what was coming she wrapped her arms tightly around me and buried her face in my neck.
Her body stiffened as my hand progressed but she didn’t resist or halt my progress as my hand disappeared inside the folds of her robes between her thighs I could feel her firm thigh through the cloth before I moved quickly upward until I could feel her prominent mound then I slid my finger down and frigged her roughly through the fabric and she let out a little “Hmmm” of pleasure at my touch.
But abruptly sat upright, before reaching down to the hem of her robe and after a few moments grabbed handfuls of cloth and dragged it up to her now naked knees.
Shula looked at me and smiled coyly before nuzzling my neck again.
I moved my playful hand down from the seat of her heat to her naked knees and her body stiffened as my hand progressed up her inner thigh.
My fingers then disappeared beneath the massed folds of her robe until they reached the top of her thigh.
She squirmed on my lap and murmured as I entered her panties and my fingers were amongst the coarse hair of her Minge.
She moaned softly as they explored her bush and dallied on her prominent mound and when my digits descended into to the abyss of her creamy cunny she let out a hoary growl as I fingered her hot syrupy slit and stimulated her clit she let out a little
“Ohhhhhh” of pleasure at my touch and grabbed a cushion to bury her face in to stifle any further exclamation, of which there would be many so I stopped stroking her gorgeous wet pussy and took the cushion from her and discarded it.
She looked startled
“I want to hear every sound you make Shushu” I said and kissed her
“Every moan and murmur”
Then she looked at me and smiled as I resumed stroking her juicy cunny I looked at her face and delighted at every moan and grunt she made as each stoke of her clit brought her closer and closer to orgasm until finally she screamed out as she came beneath my touch, so loud that even the cushion wouldn’t have suppressed it,
Her thigh’s closed on my hand at the point of climax trapping my hand but my fingers were still between her lips and I stroked her clit again and again and her thighs opened and closed on my hand then she screamed again and kissed me on the mouth.
Then with no hint of the shyness she showed earlier she stood up and taking my hand almost dragged me towards the stairs.
I paused briefly on the bottom stair
“Are you sure?” I asked knowing the answer
“Yes, yes, yes” she said through gritted teeth and began pulling me up stairs
I followed her up the stairs at pace and on arriving in the upstairs accommodation I was struck with the luxurious contrast from the downstairs, but my mind didn’t dwell on the decor as all the blood from my brain had long since journeyed to my cock.
Shula continued dragging me until we were in her bedroom and after a quick glance at the double divan I determined it to be the marital bed.
Now a philanderer I might be and I may also occasionally shag married women but I do have standards and I never do it in the husband’s bed.
At that precise moment the massed folds of cloth that had prior to that moment cloaked her skinny frame dropped to the floor leaving her wearing only a white bra and panties, sandals and a crucifix around her neck.
And I thought what the hell it’s not a hard and fast rule,
I stared at the white of her underwear and marveled as it showed in stark contrast with her chocolate coloured skin
At that moment Shula's slim fingers reached up to unfasten the catch on her bra and my hands reached around to replace the lace and cupped her beautiful chocolate confections.
And as my hand groped her naked breasts and played with her hardening nipples I kissed her neck and as I looked down I could see them quivering before my libidinous eyes like little brown muffins topped by the now swollen dark chocolate nipples.
When I began tiring of her titties I let one hand drift down her belly and I slipped my fingers under the waistband of knickers and bypassing her substantial thicket I began frigging her juicy pussy once more and before long as her legs began to buckle she screamed again as she climaxed.
Shula turned around and kissed me and rubbed the lump in my trousers with her long boney fingers.
I started undoing my belt and she stepped back and stood licking her lips as she watched.
“Knickers off Shushu” I told her and she complied immediately without a second thought and no hint of shyness and then she resumed her libidinous sentry duty.
I let my trousers drop to the ground and then pulled my pants down to expose my swollen cock and she stared at it with her big black eyes as she sat down on the bed and as I pulled on my shaft to expose my purple helmet they almost popped out of her head.
I quickly removed the rest of my clothes and she eyed me up and down appraising what she was about to receive.
“Are you ready?” I asked and she just nodded wide-eyed and open mouthed
I did think about slipping my cock into her half open mouth but I was ready to go and we could save that for another day.
So instead I leant down and slipped my tongue into her mouth instead and as we kissed I picked her up and then threw her gently onto the middle of the bed and before she’d finished bouncing I was there between her skinny legs and pausing for just a second to push her skinny thighs further apart my cock was inside her.
And she was blissfully tight and I thought as I thrust into her up to my balls that Omid must be hung like a mouse not to have stretched her pussy by now but I wasn’t complaining.
Shula was loving every stroke and she made no attempt to stifle or muffle the grateful moans and screams.
I raised my torso up so I could look at her gorgeous body writhing beneath me.
Her head thrashed from side to side but this did not distract me from staring at Shushu’s tits separated by her crucifix, which rolled back and forth in synch.
Her big black eyes never left my naked torso until I raised my self up higher so I could look down at her wild black bush and she lifted her head off the pillow to watch my pink prick repeatedly penetrating her tight brown pussy.
Then she looked at me and smiled but I knew I had to finish her with my shaft very soon because Aunt Anjuli would soon return from the hospital.
So I mercilessly pumped on her faster and faster until I couldn’t tell when one moan ended and the next began until she let out one almighty scream as she came and then two more stokes and I release my hot load into her.
As I was dressing I watched as she redressed her lovely body in her white robe, the fullness of her titties hard to disguise and her chocolate nipples were clearly visible thought the fabric.
When we were back downstairs in the shop we had an affectionate farewell kiss and I had another good grope of her tits.
“No more” Shula gave me a playful slap and said “tomorrow” which was both a statement and a question
We kissed once more before I opened the door and headed home.
I had only gone about fifty yards when a taxi passed me with Anjuli in the back.
“That was close,” I said out loud
The fact that Georgia wouldn’t be home until Christmas and we had agreed to keep contact to a minimum meant no lies and no broken promises.
All the time Georgia and I had been together, in fact ever since she set her cap at me back in May she had me heart and soul exclusively but not so my body.
But since she delivered her ultimatum, the threat of losing her love had been hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles.
Now I couldn’t believe it, I was off the hook; I no longer had to curb my appetites, as there was no apparent consequence to my actions.
So could I relax? Did I have to change? And if I didn’t have to change, could I change.
Well the lack of apparent consequences resulted in my treating myself to some Halloween over indulgence.
Following on from my Halloween hat trick with Jen on Saturday night I got to have her best friend Ellie on Halloween itself.
Traditionally it has never been my favourite holiday, as the Americans would say, however, never before have I been able to enjoy two such choice candies as Jenny and Emily, who certainly both did the trick and were a real treat.
I didn’t know it at the time but that Halloween was the last time I would get to enjoy the pleasures of Jenny Smithson though the little witch Emily Gomez would remain a frequent flyer.
But after having Emily I’m not sure I didn’t feel guiltier with the ultimatum suspended and not being under scrutiny, than I did when I was under threat.
Of course I always felt guilty after such lustful interactions, and this occasion was no different, and I always swore to myself not to do it again, again this time was no different.
But at the time, I perform my philandering betrayals without a second thought for the woman I love, and love her I most certainly do.
But with every pleasure there is a pain I just haven’t felt it yet.
So after mulling over everything for the umpteenth time I had decided that I would treat the temporary separation as an amnesty.
I could spend the next two months shagging everything with a pulse and I wouldn’t have to worry.
I wouldn’t be seeing Georgia so I wouldn’t have to lie to her so
I could do what I wanted or who I wanted between Halloween and Christmas
But I decided that I would not go looking for crumpet, I would not frequent pick up places, I would not hunt for wenches, but if some suitable choice titbits fell across my path who were in playful mood they would be considered fare game and sin free.
I made this decision knowing full well that the chance of me getting to Christmas with my balls dry was remote at best.
There were always opportunities of available skirt come December or put another way there were always plenty of chances to come in December with the available skirt.
Then in January it would be a case of New Year new me.
So with my old chap still tingling at the thought of my Halloween recollections I thought to myself.
“I hope Guy Fawkes Night goes with as big a bang as Halloween”
Since I first transcribed Gerald Overend’s tapes I had rather let things slip it was now the first day of November and a month had elapsed since the grieving widow entrusted the tapes to me.
So I determined my task for November was to begin in earnest my efforts to fulfil my promise to Eleanor.
I had already roughly transcribed the tapes a month earlier and now decided to choose one story and hone it into a something that was as credible and colourful as Gerald’s spoken words, and yet suitable for publication.
It was the first piece I had written for some considerable time that was not tantamount to pornography.
I spent considerably more time on this one story that I ever did on my own creations and when it was edited and polished I emailed it to my publisher Gordon Bramstock.
Gay Gordon replied later that day to say he enjoyed the story very much but it wasn’t something he was interested in, he preferred more salacious material, however he did give me the names of three publishers who might be interested.
So I called my agent Lionel Blum intending to put him to work, but he was meeting another client in Godalming so I left him a voice mail.
When he returned my call we arranged to meet for a drink in Guildford the next day.
As I walked towards the station, I checked my watch and found I had plenty of time to call in to Mahajak’s, the village shop and see the lovely Shulah.
The shop was owned and run by Omid although it was his young wife Shulah and her Aunt Anjuli who did all the work.
He was a surly old goat and old enough to be her father in fact he was old enough to be my father.
Shulah and her Aunt though were both lovely, Shushu was a few years younger than me, tall and slim but her thick back-combed hair made her look even taller.
She was a Skinny girl but not in a boney way she just had a skinny frame I was sure she would be extremely flexible in the clinches.
Her eyes were big and almost black and she had a huge toothy smile, which lit up the whole shop if not the village.
The rest of her figure was concealed beneath a loose fitting robe affair, but I knew what pert little breasts she had hidden under there after a close encounter in the unisex changing room at the swimming pool, where I had a delightful taster of what might be, when my hands explored inside her costume.
I had hopes that I might become better acquainted with her treasures.
I have always flirted dreadfully with her and her aunt and they always flirted back.
That day was no exception Shula was in the shop I brushed passed her very closely.
“Morning Shula” I said and she instantly got very flustered
“Oh, oh, good morning Simon” she said and moved awkwardly to the counter
“Hello Anjuli” I said to her aunt who blushed and giggled
As usual when it came time to pay, on this occasion for a newspaper, there was a lingering exchange where our hands almost touched but didn’t quite but then I caressed her hand with my thumb and brushed my fingertips against hers and she smiled a broad toothy smile and blushed.
“Bye Shushu” I said and winked at her and turned and walked away to catch my train.
When I was on the train Lionel rang me and said he would pick me up at the station.
We found a nice pub in Godalming and over a drink I explained what I wanted to do, but I made it perfectly clear that he would only get half his normal commission, as the proceeds would be going to charity.
Despite his having to take a cut in commission he cheerfully agreed.
I got home mid afternoon and had just sat down with a drink when the phone rang.
I was a little fed up, it was like they knew, as if there was a sensor in the chair and as soon as my arse hit the cushion the phone would ring or the doorbell would sound, it was a conspiracy.
“Hello” I said abruptly
“Hello Simon” said a hoarse voice “its Laura”
It’s just as well she clarified because I would never have recognised her voice.
My initial anger at being disturbed melted away when I realised Laura had the flu.
“Hello Laura” I said, “you don’t sound too good”
“It’s the flu I’m afraid” Laura said, “Could I ask a favour”?
“Of course” I replied
“Geoff has to work late and the twins are desperate to see the firework display tonight”
“And you would like me to take them”? I interrupted
“Would you?” she said
“What time would you like me?”
I picked the girls up at six and Laura couldn’t thank me enough for stepping in.
Lisa and Julie were incredibly excited in that way that only eight-year-old girls can be.
The firework display was to take place in long field, which ran between the railway line and the main road on the other side of the tracks from the village proper.
Apart from the fireworks and the obligatory bonfire, there were also the usual assortments of amusements, darts, shooting galleries, bingo that kind of thing. And I think the girls where looking forward to them as much as fireworks themselves.
By the time we had to take up position for the display they had both won something on their own and I had won them both a cuddly toy on the shooting gallery when we decided there was just time for one more hotdog before the fireworks.
By the time it was all over, between the games and the food I was pretty much cleaned out.
But I hadn’t had that much fun with my clothes on for a good long while so it was worth every penny.
I had taken some good shots of the pair of them on my phone playing various amusements and they took some of me and I got them to send them to Georgia.
With the smoke from the display still thick in the air I walked the twins to their house and as we were approaching, the front door opened and Geoff was standing there waiting.
“Dad, Dad” they cried running up the drive “look what we’ve got”
I didn’t know where they got the energy from but I was knackered but eventually the excited twins went inside
“Don’t wake mum” Geoffrey called to them before turning to me and shaking my hand
“Thank you so much Simon, Laura really isn’t well”
“It was a pleasure” I said “I’ve really enjoyed myself, and I’m not just saying that”
“Will you come in for nip?” he asked
“I won’t if you don’t mind, I’m shattered” I replied
“Another time then” Geoff said
I wondered on my way home if I should have gone in for that drink, when I thought about it I was left with the impression he may have wanted to talk about something.
Just as I was walking past the station and I had resolved to pop round for a chat with him over the next few days I noticed the lights from Mahajak’s village store.
As I got close I was delighted to see the lovely Shula closing up and Geoff somehow faded from my thoughts.
“Hello Shushu” I called as I approached
“Oh Simon” she said flustered, not quite knowing what to do or where to look.
“Where is everyone?” I asked, I knew Omid was in hospital though I didn’t know why
“Anjuli is visiting Omid at the hospital and I let Maisie finish early to see the fireworks” Shula said, “she works very hard, so I’m closing up on my own tonight”
“Let me help” I offered
“Thank you Simon,” she said smiling coyly
Between the two of us we soon made light work of it and when the last stack of plastic goods went in through the door I stood in the doorway and said
“Well that’s everything”
“Thank you Simon” she said and beamed a beautiful smile
“If there’s nothing else to do I’ll be going” I said and the smile left her face
“No, no” she said “come in, come in”
And she pushed me forcefully aside so she could close the door
“You must have a hot drink” she insisted, “You must be very cold, come, come”
This was a side of her I had never seen.
She led me behind the counter and through the bead curtain to the inner sanctum, which consisted of a small kitchen and a sitting room with two armchairs on one side and piles of boxes on the other, a rather dull and dingy place to be perfectly honest though brightened considerably by the lovely Shula who was at the sink filling the kettle.
I didn’t think she wanted a hot drink anymore than I did so I walked up behind her and put my hands where I approximated her waist to be and breathed in her perfume as I kissed her ear and neck
“Oh Simon” she sighed
I was standing so close behind her that her pert buttocks were pressed against me
“I don’t really want a hot drink,” I said
“Ok” she said and put the kettle down before turning to face me
“Perhaps you would like a soft drink or a beer” she suggested
I ignored her and before she could speak again I kissed her and the moment my lips touched hers she locked onto my mouth like a limpet and her arms gripped me around the neck like a bear trap.
It was a warm liquid kiss with hot tongues of passion.
My hands caressed up and down her skinny frame repeatedly searching the landscape for obstacles before both hands ended up on her tight little buttocks.
I had often perused Shula and her garb, which appeared to be seamless and attached in someway to her lower legs. I had absolutely no expertise of the kind of garment she was wearing and I didn’t know my way in so I maneuvered her towards one of the armchairs and as I sat down I pulled her down with me,
Because she was so tall her head was above me, kissing down into my mouth, her tongue like a striking serpent in and out of mine, lips still locked limpet like on mine, nostrils snorting in air.
I now had one arm around her shoulder and the opposite hand on her waist which I slid slowly up to her breast; she drew in a sharp sighing breath through her nose as I fondled her titty through the fabric of her robes and the bra beneath and the moment my palm cupped her plump fruit our mouths disengaged briefly and she gave me a toothy smile before locking onto me again.
I fondled her little tit for a few minutes, which felt really nice but I wanted more.
So my hand left her breast and went slowly down to her thigh and knowing what was coming she wrapped her arms tightly around me and buried her face in my neck.
Her body stiffened as my hand progressed but she didn’t resist or halt my progress as my hand disappeared inside the folds of her robes between her thighs I could feel her firm thigh through the cloth before I moved quickly upward until I could feel her prominent mound then I slid my finger down and frigged her roughly through the fabric and she let out a little “Hmmm” of pleasure at my touch.
But abruptly sat upright, before reaching down to the hem of her robe and after a few moments grabbed handfuls of cloth and dragged it up to her now naked knees.
Shula looked at me and smiled coyly before nuzzling my neck again.
I moved my playful hand down from the seat of her heat to her naked knees and her body stiffened as my hand progressed up her inner thigh.
My fingers then disappeared beneath the massed folds of her robe until they reached the top of her thigh.
She squirmed on my lap and murmured as I entered her panties and my fingers were amongst the coarse hair of her Minge.
She moaned softly as they explored her bush and dallied on her prominent mound and when my digits descended into to the abyss of her creamy cunny she let out a hoary growl as I fingered her hot syrupy slit and stimulated her clit she let out a little
“Ohhhhhh” of pleasure at my touch and grabbed a cushion to bury her face in to stifle any further exclamation, of which there would be many so I stopped stroking her gorgeous wet pussy and took the cushion from her and discarded it.
She looked startled
“I want to hear every sound you make Shushu” I said and kissed her
“Every moan and murmur”
Then she looked at me and smiled as I resumed stroking her juicy cunny I looked at her face and delighted at every moan and grunt she made as each stoke of her clit brought her closer and closer to orgasm until finally she screamed out as she came beneath my touch, so loud that even the cushion wouldn’t have suppressed it,
Her thigh’s closed on my hand at the point of climax trapping my hand but my fingers were still between her lips and I stroked her clit again and again and her thighs opened and closed on my hand then she screamed again and kissed me on the mouth.
Then with no hint of the shyness she showed earlier she stood up and taking my hand almost dragged me towards the stairs.
I paused briefly on the bottom stair
“Are you sure?” I asked knowing the answer
“Yes, yes, yes” she said through gritted teeth and began pulling me up stairs
I followed her up the stairs at pace and on arriving in the upstairs accommodation I was struck with the luxurious contrast from the downstairs, but my mind didn’t dwell on the decor as all the blood from my brain had long since journeyed to my cock.
Shula continued dragging me until we were in her bedroom and after a quick glance at the double divan I determined it to be the marital bed.
Now a philanderer I might be and I may also occasionally shag married women but I do have standards and I never do it in the husband’s bed.
At that precise moment the massed folds of cloth that had prior to that moment cloaked her skinny frame dropped to the floor leaving her wearing only a white bra and panties, sandals and a crucifix around her neck.
And I thought what the hell it’s not a hard and fast rule,
I stared at the white of her underwear and marveled as it showed in stark contrast with her chocolate coloured skin
At that moment Shula's slim fingers reached up to unfasten the catch on her bra and my hands reached around to replace the lace and cupped her beautiful chocolate confections.
And as my hand groped her naked breasts and played with her hardening nipples I kissed her neck and as I looked down I could see them quivering before my libidinous eyes like little brown muffins topped by the now swollen dark chocolate nipples.
When I began tiring of her titties I let one hand drift down her belly and I slipped my fingers under the waistband of knickers and bypassing her substantial thicket I began frigging her juicy pussy once more and before long as her legs began to buckle she screamed again as she climaxed.
Shula turned around and kissed me and rubbed the lump in my trousers with her long boney fingers.
I started undoing my belt and she stepped back and stood licking her lips as she watched.
“Knickers off Shushu” I told her and she complied immediately without a second thought and no hint of shyness and then she resumed her libidinous sentry duty.
I let my trousers drop to the ground and then pulled my pants down to expose my swollen cock and she stared at it with her big black eyes as she sat down on the bed and as I pulled on my shaft to expose my purple helmet they almost popped out of her head.
I quickly removed the rest of my clothes and she eyed me up and down appraising what she was about to receive.
“Are you ready?” I asked and she just nodded wide-eyed and open mouthed
I did think about slipping my cock into her half open mouth but I was ready to go and we could save that for another day.
So instead I leant down and slipped my tongue into her mouth instead and as we kissed I picked her up and then threw her gently onto the middle of the bed and before she’d finished bouncing I was there between her skinny legs and pausing for just a second to push her skinny thighs further apart my cock was inside her.
And she was blissfully tight and I thought as I thrust into her up to my balls that Omid must be hung like a mouse not to have stretched her pussy by now but I wasn’t complaining.
Shula was loving every stroke and she made no attempt to stifle or muffle the grateful moans and screams.
I raised my torso up so I could look at her gorgeous body writhing beneath me.
Her head thrashed from side to side but this did not distract me from staring at Shushu’s tits separated by her crucifix, which rolled back and forth in synch.
Her big black eyes never left my naked torso until I raised my self up higher so I could look down at her wild black bush and she lifted her head off the pillow to watch my pink prick repeatedly penetrating her tight brown pussy.
Then she looked at me and smiled but I knew I had to finish her with my shaft very soon because Aunt Anjuli would soon return from the hospital.
So I mercilessly pumped on her faster and faster until I couldn’t tell when one moan ended and the next began until she let out one almighty scream as she came and then two more stokes and I release my hot load into her.
As I was dressing I watched as she redressed her lovely body in her white robe, the fullness of her titties hard to disguise and her chocolate nipples were clearly visible thought the fabric.
When we were back downstairs in the shop we had an affectionate farewell kiss and I had another good grope of her tits.
“No more” Shula gave me a playful slap and said “tomorrow” which was both a statement and a question
We kissed once more before I opened the door and headed home.
I had only gone about fifty yards when a taxi passed me with Anjuli in the back.
“That was close,” I said out loud
A CHRISTMAS SELECTION # 3
CHRISTMAS GREEN
The Christmas green
Festively untypical
It’s just a club moss
With creeping stems
Similar to ferns
With erect branches
It has no scarlet hues
Nor star shaped flowers
It’s quite unremarkably
Just another evergreen
NOW THAT IT'S CHRISTMAS # 2
Now that it's Christmas
It makes me kind of glum
To do all the things
I used to do with mum
But when I feel her beside me
Then I don’t feel so glum
THE BAUBLE AND THE BELL
The bauble and the bell
The tinsel star as well
The angel with its wings
The shepherds and the Kings
The tree’s coloured lights
The tinsel sparkling bright
The garlands hanging high
So pleasing to the eye
These are the things
That Christmas time brings
WHATEVER FUTURE GIFTS
Whatever future gifts
That might make me glad
Or any from the past
Including when I was a lad
There is nothing to compare
To the gift of being a Dad
LEADING UP TO CHRISTMAS DAY
Leading up to Christmas day
Happy Christmas you should say
But so often it goes unsaid,
People say happy holidays instead
CHRISTMAS FERN
Christmas ferns
Abundant and evergreen
With Pinnate leaves
In lance-shaped fronds
Dense clusters of
Featherlike leaflets
In wide display
Decorate the
Christmas landscape
Of North America
CHRISTMAS IS SPECIAL
Christmas is special
And you are the reason
Your touch adds lustre
To the festive season
YOU LOOK UPON CHRISTMAS
You look upon Christmas
As just another of your duties
And over the years
You’ve given us some beauties
You don’t think that it’s Special
It’s just something that you do
But Christmas doesn’t just happen
It’s made piece by piece by you
Everything that is Christmas
When all said and done
Is completely down to you
So Happy Christmas Mum
DON’T THINK WE HAVEN’T NOTICED
Don’t think we haven’t noticed
Just because we haven’t said
But we know that compliments
Are something that you dread
You’ve made a perfect Christmas
With your own fair hands
You thought of every detail
In your carefully made plans
We’ve enjoyed every moment
All the festivities and fun
So although you’ll be embarrassed
Thanks for Christmas mum
IT’S ALL DOWN TO YOU
It’s all down to you
You are the number one
Thanks for everything
For another job well done
You’re the best of the best
Happy Christmas Mum
The Christmas green
Festively untypical
It’s just a club moss
With creeping stems
Similar to ferns
With erect branches
It has no scarlet hues
Nor star shaped flowers
It’s quite unremarkably
Just another evergreen
NOW THAT IT'S CHRISTMAS # 2
Now that it's Christmas
It makes me kind of glum
To do all the things
I used to do with mum
But when I feel her beside me
Then I don’t feel so glum
THE BAUBLE AND THE BELL
The bauble and the bell
The tinsel star as well
The angel with its wings
The shepherds and the Kings
The tree’s coloured lights
The tinsel sparkling bright
The garlands hanging high
So pleasing to the eye
These are the things
That Christmas time brings
WHATEVER FUTURE GIFTS
Whatever future gifts
That might make me glad
Or any from the past
Including when I was a lad
There is nothing to compare
To the gift of being a Dad
LEADING UP TO CHRISTMAS DAY
Leading up to Christmas day
Happy Christmas you should say
But so often it goes unsaid,
People say happy holidays instead
CHRISTMAS FERN
Christmas ferns
Abundant and evergreen
With Pinnate leaves
In lance-shaped fronds
Dense clusters of
Featherlike leaflets
In wide display
Decorate the
Christmas landscape
Of North America
CHRISTMAS IS SPECIAL
Christmas is special
And you are the reason
Your touch adds lustre
To the festive season
YOU LOOK UPON CHRISTMAS
You look upon Christmas
As just another of your duties
And over the years
You’ve given us some beauties
You don’t think that it’s Special
It’s just something that you do
But Christmas doesn’t just happen
It’s made piece by piece by you
Everything that is Christmas
When all said and done
Is completely down to you
So Happy Christmas Mum
DON’T THINK WE HAVEN’T NOTICED
Don’t think we haven’t noticed
Just because we haven’t said
But we know that compliments
Are something that you dread
You’ve made a perfect Christmas
With your own fair hands
You thought of every detail
In your carefully made plans
We’ve enjoyed every moment
All the festivities and fun
So although you’ll be embarrassed
Thanks for Christmas mum
IT’S ALL DOWN TO YOU
It’s all down to you
You are the number one
Thanks for everything
For another job well done
You’re the best of the best
Happy Christmas Mum
ARE YOU WEARING FOR CHRISTMAS # 3
ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR A REASON?
Are you wearing it for a reason?
Is it because of the festive season?
You won’t be kissed under the mistletoe
Because you’re wearing it too low
ARE YOU WEARING IT THE RIGHT WAY?
Are you wearing it the right way?
I heard the pretty girl say
Should it be tied like so?
For kissing under the mistletoe
Am I showing my naïveté?
In the most embarrassing way
It’s just that I kind of felt
It shouldn’t be tied on your belt
ARE YOU WEARING TINSEL IN YOUR HAIR?
Are you wearing tinsel in your hair?
Sitting atop your golden curls
You look so very angelic to me
A jewel more precious than pearls
But looks can be deceiving
Angel with the golden curls
And later on I might well discover
You’re one of the naughty girls
ARE YOU WEARING XMAS TIGHTS?
Are you wearing Xmas tights?
Oh how they are exciting me
Adorned with a festive motif
What a Christmas this will be
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS DRAWERS?
Are you wearing Christmas drawers?
I would like a look at yours
I bet a pound to a penny
You’re not wearing any
There we have it at last
You are as I thought bare arsed
Of course it makes you look loose
Even if you have an excuse
Well that really is shocking
You’re supposed to hang a stocking
ARE YOU WEARING REINDEER ANTLERS?
Are you wearing Reindeer antlers?
Well not the most original twist
You’ve been making rather merry
More Christmas spirit than you could resist
What exactly am I suggesting?
A little too much wine would be the gist
What makes me think that?
Well I’ll tell you if you insist
Apart from the slurred speech
You are walking with a starboard list
And your antlers sit in disarray
So that’s how I know you’re pissed
ARE YOU WEARING A SANTA OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a Santa outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
The boots and beard and hat
And padding to make you look fat
I didn’t believe in Santa anymore
Now I see you and I think phwor
Are you wearing it for a reason?
Is it because of the festive season?
You won’t be kissed under the mistletoe
Because you’re wearing it too low
ARE YOU WEARING IT THE RIGHT WAY?
Are you wearing it the right way?
I heard the pretty girl say
Should it be tied like so?
For kissing under the mistletoe
Am I showing my naïveté?
In the most embarrassing way
It’s just that I kind of felt
It shouldn’t be tied on your belt
ARE YOU WEARING TINSEL IN YOUR HAIR?
Are you wearing tinsel in your hair?
Sitting atop your golden curls
You look so very angelic to me
A jewel more precious than pearls
But looks can be deceiving
Angel with the golden curls
And later on I might well discover
You’re one of the naughty girls
ARE YOU WEARING XMAS TIGHTS?
Are you wearing Xmas tights?
Oh how they are exciting me
Adorned with a festive motif
What a Christmas this will be
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS DRAWERS?
Are you wearing Christmas drawers?
I would like a look at yours
I bet a pound to a penny
You’re not wearing any
There we have it at last
You are as I thought bare arsed
Of course it makes you look loose
Even if you have an excuse
Well that really is shocking
You’re supposed to hang a stocking
ARE YOU WEARING REINDEER ANTLERS?
Are you wearing Reindeer antlers?
Well not the most original twist
You’ve been making rather merry
More Christmas spirit than you could resist
What exactly am I suggesting?
A little too much wine would be the gist
What makes me think that?
Well I’ll tell you if you insist
Apart from the slurred speech
You are walking with a starboard list
And your antlers sit in disarray
So that’s how I know you’re pissed
ARE YOU WEARING A SANTA OUTFIT?
Are you wearing a Santa outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
The boots and beard and hat
And padding to make you look fat
I didn’t believe in Santa anymore
Now I see you and I think phwor
Christmas Humour # 3
CHAVS CHRISTMAS # 2
I kept Lily home from school
For Christmas shopping
Because it’s the very best time
To get all the presents on the list
Especially when you believe
That shoplifting isn’t a crime
IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 3
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Let’s silence those objections
How would he navigate the globe?
And all its many intersections
When a man is totally incapable
Of ever asking for directions
MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 1
My worst Christmas present ever
I thought I would be lucky to receive
It was big and so full of possibilities
But it really flattered to deceive
Beneath the coloured paper
That hinted at hidden promise
It turned out to be a cardboard box
Containing only emptiness
My mum was watching me intently
And my disappointment hurt her
My cheapskate dad then told me
It was an Action Man deserter
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 1
I've always loved my Santa
In his Red Velvet suit
With his long white beard
And cheeks all rosy and cute
His deep throated laughter
All happy and jolly
And he loves his naughty
Little Miss Molly
AT THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS BINGE
Well at the end of the year
Its managements’ biggest fear
That staff should infringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
After spiking the fruit punch
In the canteen after lunch
Their totally off their hinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
The amount of alcohol downed
As many a sorrow was drowned
Made the accountant whinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
The extent of the revelling
Was quite frankly bedevilling
Enough for his beard to singe
At the annual Christmas Binge
The things that a little party ho
Did beneath the mistletoe
Would make a puritan cringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
Karen from reception bless her
Botox-ed her face with vodka
With a catering syringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
The level of fraternization
Was quite a revelation
And caused a few backs to twinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
You may well be forgiven
After the events which had arisen
That it was the lunatic fringe
At their annual Christmas Binge
Next day when the party was over
Everyone suffered from a hangover
And all took on an earthy tinge
The day after the Christmas binge
THE FESTIVE INTERVAL
When celebrating
The festive interval
Please refrain from calling it
The winterval
SCROOGE LIKE
They say the perfect Christmas
Is blessed with family and friends
I say the fewer the better
Otherwise the present buying never ends
SHOPS IN THE HIGH STREET
Shops in the high street
Are full to overflowing
With irate customers
Franticly to-ing and fro-ing
The shopkeeper delights
While prices are rocketing
Happy in the knowledge
Of the profits he’s pocketing
And in his smug contentment
He rubs his hands with glee
“Merry Christmas you mugs
And a prosperous new year, for me”
RUSH AND SCURRY
Hurry, hurry shopping in Surrey
Hurry, hurry, rush and scurry
Worry, worry, fresh snow flurry
Hurry Murray rush and scurry
Let’s get home and have a curry
AS WE APPROACH ANOTHER YULE
As we approach another Yule
Its time I went off on the pull
Looking for a Christmas honey
Someone attractive and funny
And if I manage to attract her
I will pull a Christmas cracker
IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 4
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Why are we having this debate?
If Santa was a woman
How would she navigate?
My wife got lost last week
In a car park in Ramsgate
I kept Lily home from school
For Christmas shopping
Because it’s the very best time
To get all the presents on the list
Especially when you believe
That shoplifting isn’t a crime
IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 3
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Let’s silence those objections
How would he navigate the globe?
And all its many intersections
When a man is totally incapable
Of ever asking for directions
MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 1
My worst Christmas present ever
I thought I would be lucky to receive
It was big and so full of possibilities
But it really flattered to deceive
Beneath the coloured paper
That hinted at hidden promise
It turned out to be a cardboard box
Containing only emptiness
My mum was watching me intently
And my disappointment hurt her
My cheapskate dad then told me
It was an Action Man deserter
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SANTA # 1
I've always loved my Santa
In his Red Velvet suit
With his long white beard
And cheeks all rosy and cute
His deep throated laughter
All happy and jolly
And he loves his naughty
Little Miss Molly
AT THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS BINGE
Well at the end of the year
Its managements’ biggest fear
That staff should infringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
After spiking the fruit punch
In the canteen after lunch
Their totally off their hinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
The amount of alcohol downed
As many a sorrow was drowned
Made the accountant whinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
The extent of the revelling
Was quite frankly bedevilling
Enough for his beard to singe
At the annual Christmas Binge
The things that a little party ho
Did beneath the mistletoe
Would make a puritan cringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
Karen from reception bless her
Botox-ed her face with vodka
With a catering syringe
At the annual Christmas Binge
The level of fraternization
Was quite a revelation
And caused a few backs to twinge
At the annual Christmas Binge
You may well be forgiven
After the events which had arisen
That it was the lunatic fringe
At their annual Christmas Binge
Next day when the party was over
Everyone suffered from a hangover
And all took on an earthy tinge
The day after the Christmas binge
THE FESTIVE INTERVAL
When celebrating
The festive interval
Please refrain from calling it
The winterval
SCROOGE LIKE
They say the perfect Christmas
Is blessed with family and friends
I say the fewer the better
Otherwise the present buying never ends
SHOPS IN THE HIGH STREET
Shops in the high street
Are full to overflowing
With irate customers
Franticly to-ing and fro-ing
The shopkeeper delights
While prices are rocketing
Happy in the knowledge
Of the profits he’s pocketing
And in his smug contentment
He rubs his hands with glee
“Merry Christmas you mugs
And a prosperous new year, for me”
RUSH AND SCURRY
Hurry, hurry shopping in Surrey
Hurry, hurry, rush and scurry
Worry, worry, fresh snow flurry
Hurry Murray rush and scurry
Let’s get home and have a curry
AS WE APPROACH ANOTHER YULE
As we approach another Yule
Its time I went off on the pull
Looking for a Christmas honey
Someone attractive and funny
And if I manage to attract her
I will pull a Christmas cracker
IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 4
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Why are we having this debate?
If Santa was a woman
How would she navigate?
My wife got lost last week
In a car park in Ramsgate
Thursday, 29 November 2012
CHRISTMAS LOVE SELECTION # 2
I LOVE THE FESTIVE SEASON
I love the festive season
When it’s cold and freezing
Then my favourite thing to do
Is to cuddle up close to you
DARLING I LOVE YOU
Each and every day
I say these words to you
Darling I love you
Then every Christmas
I say these words to you
Merry Christmas Darling I love you
And every New Year
I say these words to you
Happy New Year Darling I love you
And every time I say it
You look at me and say
Whatever
THIS WISH, I WISH
This wish I wish,
Is a wish for you,
The wish is for me
The wish is for you
The wish, I wish
Is a wish for you,
Don’t you see?
The wish is for you
That’s what I wish
I wish only for you
CRIMBLE LOVE
It has taken the festive season
To give me the perfect reason
To hold this sprig of mistletoe
And kiss you softly in the snow
CRIMBLE LOVING
I’ve waited all year to bestow
A kiss beneath the mistletoe
A kiss to leave you all agog
Not just a cheap drunken snog
A kiss to leave you all aglow
A passionate kiss to let you know
That I hold a flaming torch for you
I hope you feel the same way too
CHRISTMASTIDE LOVE
Now that it’s Christmas
There’s something I must do
Or there’s something I must say
My heart is so full of love for you
I must tell you how I feel
Say how much I love you
And how much you mean to me
Then hope that you love me too
And if you don’t then I will know
But I will still love you
THE GIFT I WANTED THE MOST
The gift I wanted the most
Was the sweetest girl
With a generous heart
A smile to banish darkness
And a warm and tender soul
To make all of my
Christmas dreams come true
I thought it wasn’t to be
But then I found you
LONELY CHRISTMAS
The room is full
Of good friends
And loving family
But I’m still lonely
There is laughter
Happiness and jollity
Kindness in abundance
But I’m still sad
There is warmth
In the familiar smiles
And in the tender hugs
But I’m still cold
I continue to be lonely
I continue to be sad
I continue to be cold
Because you’re not here
GLASS DECORATIONS ON THE TREE
Glass Decorations on the tree
Candy canes of red and white
Tinsel sparkles delightfully
And reflects the coloured light
A garland graces the mantel
With boughs of fresh cut holly
Mistletoe is hopefully hung
To steal a kiss from Molly
OUTSIDE IT’S SNOWING HARD
Outside it’s snowing hard
Falling fast and lying deep
But you are warm and safe
As in your bed you sleep
But I must brave the elements
As the wind stings my face
So I can spend Christmas
In your sweet loving embrace
WINTER WARMER
The Snow lies on the Earth
Icicles hang from the gate
Frost sits on the window panes
A fire burns in the grate
The sun sets beyond the wood
Abandoning the sky
Let’s draw the curtains in
And bank the fire high
Now turn the lamplight up
And forget about the weather
Warm moment we’ll share
As we cosy up together
I love the festive season
When it’s cold and freezing
Then my favourite thing to do
Is to cuddle up close to you
DARLING I LOVE YOU
Each and every day
I say these words to you
Darling I love you
Then every Christmas
I say these words to you
Merry Christmas Darling I love you
And every New Year
I say these words to you
Happy New Year Darling I love you
And every time I say it
You look at me and say
Whatever
THIS WISH, I WISH
This wish I wish,
Is a wish for you,
The wish is for me
The wish is for you
The wish, I wish
Is a wish for you,
Don’t you see?
The wish is for you
That’s what I wish
I wish only for you
CRIMBLE LOVE
It has taken the festive season
To give me the perfect reason
To hold this sprig of mistletoe
And kiss you softly in the snow
CRIMBLE LOVING
I’ve waited all year to bestow
A kiss beneath the mistletoe
A kiss to leave you all agog
Not just a cheap drunken snog
A kiss to leave you all aglow
A passionate kiss to let you know
That I hold a flaming torch for you
I hope you feel the same way too
CHRISTMASTIDE LOVE
Now that it’s Christmas
There’s something I must do
Or there’s something I must say
My heart is so full of love for you
I must tell you how I feel
Say how much I love you
And how much you mean to me
Then hope that you love me too
And if you don’t then I will know
But I will still love you
THE GIFT I WANTED THE MOST
The gift I wanted the most
Was the sweetest girl
With a generous heart
A smile to banish darkness
And a warm and tender soul
To make all of my
Christmas dreams come true
I thought it wasn’t to be
But then I found you
LONELY CHRISTMAS
The room is full
Of good friends
And loving family
But I’m still lonely
There is laughter
Happiness and jollity
Kindness in abundance
But I’m still sad
There is warmth
In the familiar smiles
And in the tender hugs
But I’m still cold
I continue to be lonely
I continue to be sad
I continue to be cold
Because you’re not here
GLASS DECORATIONS ON THE TREE
Glass Decorations on the tree
Candy canes of red and white
Tinsel sparkles delightfully
And reflects the coloured light
A garland graces the mantel
With boughs of fresh cut holly
Mistletoe is hopefully hung
To steal a kiss from Molly
OUTSIDE IT’S SNOWING HARD
Outside it’s snowing hard
Falling fast and lying deep
But you are warm and safe
As in your bed you sleep
But I must brave the elements
As the wind stings my face
So I can spend Christmas
In your sweet loving embrace
WINTER WARMER
The Snow lies on the Earth
Icicles hang from the gate
Frost sits on the window panes
A fire burns in the grate
The sun sets beyond the wood
Abandoning the sky
Let’s draw the curtains in
And bank the fire high
Now turn the lamplight up
And forget about the weather
Warm moment we’ll share
As we cosy up together
A CHRISTMAS SELECTION # 2
CHRISTMAS BERRY
The Christmas berry
Evergreen and spiny
With flowers of every hue
From white to blue
With abundant berries
Bright red as cherries
TO ALL OF YOU, FROM ALL OF US
I have to say
Without ado
Its time to say
To all of you
From all of us
Merry Christmas
THE WEATHER MAY BE DREARY
The weather may be dreary
My bones maybe weary
I may walk with heavy step
I maybe lacking in pep
But when Christmas arrives
My spirit soon revives
IT LIFTS THE HEART AND SOUL
It lifts the heart and soul
Even when doing chores
What the year long drains
The festive season restores
IT’S NOT EVERYONE’S IDEAL
It’s not everyone’s ideal
Not their cup of tea
Or glass of mulled wine
But it is for me
Christmas is special
A wonderful heartfelt time
When deep felt feelings
Of happiness and joy
Rise to the surface
Like bubbles in champagne
SEASONS COME AND GO
Seasons come and go, but
For me the festive season
Is the most special of all
It refreshes and restores
Simply put, it invigorates
And sets me up once again
For the coming year ahead
LET’S RAISE A GLASS TO MUM # 1
Let’s raise a glass to Mum
And I speak for us all when I say
You have triumphed once again
In your quiet efficient way
You have managed to conjure up
Another perfect Christmas day
LET’S RAISE A GLASS TO MUM # 2
Let’s raise a glass to Mum
For yet another job well done
And the essence of my reasoning
Is, you are the festive seasoning
For by chasing the blandness away
It’s you who flavours the day
NOW THAT IT'S CHRISTMAS # 1
Now that it's Christmas
It makes me kind of sad
To do all the things
I used to do with Dad
But when I feel him beside me
Then I don’t feel so bad
CHRISTMAS FLOWER
The Christmas flower
Festively untypical
Having poisonous milk
And being tropical
But scarlet petal-like leaves
Make them appear more topical
The Christmas berry
Evergreen and spiny
With flowers of every hue
From white to blue
With abundant berries
Bright red as cherries
TO ALL OF YOU, FROM ALL OF US
I have to say
Without ado
Its time to say
To all of you
From all of us
Merry Christmas
THE WEATHER MAY BE DREARY
The weather may be dreary
My bones maybe weary
I may walk with heavy step
I maybe lacking in pep
But when Christmas arrives
My spirit soon revives
IT LIFTS THE HEART AND SOUL
It lifts the heart and soul
Even when doing chores
What the year long drains
The festive season restores
IT’S NOT EVERYONE’S IDEAL
It’s not everyone’s ideal
Not their cup of tea
Or glass of mulled wine
But it is for me
Christmas is special
A wonderful heartfelt time
When deep felt feelings
Of happiness and joy
Rise to the surface
Like bubbles in champagne
SEASONS COME AND GO
Seasons come and go, but
For me the festive season
Is the most special of all
It refreshes and restores
Simply put, it invigorates
And sets me up once again
For the coming year ahead
LET’S RAISE A GLASS TO MUM # 1
Let’s raise a glass to Mum
And I speak for us all when I say
You have triumphed once again
In your quiet efficient way
You have managed to conjure up
Another perfect Christmas day
LET’S RAISE A GLASS TO MUM # 2
Let’s raise a glass to Mum
For yet another job well done
And the essence of my reasoning
Is, you are the festive seasoning
For by chasing the blandness away
It’s you who flavours the day
NOW THAT IT'S CHRISTMAS # 1
Now that it's Christmas
It makes me kind of sad
To do all the things
I used to do with Dad
But when I feel him beside me
Then I don’t feel so bad
CHRISTMAS FLOWER
The Christmas flower
Festively untypical
Having poisonous milk
And being tropical
But scarlet petal-like leaves
Make them appear more topical
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