A Christmas Selection Box # 3

MY FAVOURITE THINGS AT XMAS # 3

Hearing the Church bells and sleigh bells ringing
Midnight mass worship with Carol singing
Singing in praise of the King of Kings
These are a few of my favourite things

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 182

Father Christmas, Father Christmas,
Got an itch, Got an itch;
Coming down the chimney,
Coming down the chimney;
On his snitch, On his snitch.

CHRISTMAS DREAM # 3

I dream of Christmas
And Santa's loaded sleigh
I dream about the reindeer
Bringing Santa Claus my way

A CAROL FOR THE 21ST CENTURY – THE ROCKING CAROL

Little Jesus sweetly sleep, do not stir,
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,

Little Jesus sweetly sleep, just you stick,
We will lend you man made fabric,
We wont rock you, rock you, rock you,
We wont rock you, as were not qualified

EVERYONE ATTENDED

Everyone attended
No one was excused
Christmas morning mass
Was one of those to-do’s
And even the church mice
Sat smartly in their pews

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

The presents look wonderful
Beneath the Christmas tree
The holly and the mistletoe
Are arranged delightfully

The gingerbread men are ready
Cinnamon cookies are fresh baked
The Yule log is ready for cutting
And so is the Christmas cake

Festive cocktails have been mixed
The eggnog will taste sublime
There are traditional winter ales
Or there is always the mulled wine

Then the bells of Christmas ring,
Well the doorbell is ringing
Is that the guest’s arriving?
Or the carollers come singing

Friends and family have arrived
Its time to meet and greet
They have travelled far and near
To see them is such a treat

The mantel dressed with greens
The scent of Christmas fills the air
And all the children rush to see
The stockings hanging there

I love these get-togethers
And when all is said and done
We’re making Christmas memories
So Merry Christmas everyone

WHO ATE AL THE PIES?

The old fat fella
In the big red suit
Of delivering gifts
In his festive pursuit

Wide black belt
And big black boot
The jolly fat bloke
Ruddy and hirsute

He does great good
That’s not in dispute
But he eats too much
So he’s a chubby brute

So when he visits
On his Christmas commute
Don’t leave him a pie
Leave him some fruit

IN THE BLEAK MID WINTER

I’m not looking for a white Christmas
For my life is already a cold place
Bleak and forbidding
So I have no need of snow
Carpets of white everywhere
Winter fills my every day
My life is perpetual winter
Because you have taken my warmth
You were the heart of me
You sent the blood coursing through me
You were the sun in my sky
Now my life is tundra
And I am just a frozen husk
To numb to exist

ESSENTIAL INGREDIENT

I have no need of Christmas
I have no need of memories
I have no desire to make plans
To join in with the festivities

Don’t wish me merry Christmas
I have no need of Christmas cheer
For me it won’t be Christmas
Until my darling wife is here

So save your merry Christmas
Don’t send your jollity my way
Keep the Christmas fizz on ice
Until she’s home on Christmas day

This is for all those whose loved ones have to work on Christmas day.

CHRISTMAS TREE

My brother has a Christmas tree
My sister has one too
My parents have a Christmas tree
That is beautiful to view

The town square has a Christmas tree
The school has one too
Trafalgar square has a Christmas tree
That is beautiful to view

And the thing they have in common
Is that they are CHRISTMAS trees
Decorated and trimmed
To be quite beautiful you see

They are not part of a general holiday
Nor are they akin to Hanukkah
They are not part of a Winter Festival
CHRISTMAS Trees is what they are

And around our Christmas tree
We celebrate the blessed day
And all say Happy Christmas
But never happy holiday

KEEP THE SPIRIT

Try to keep the spirit
Of Christmas true in your heart
Every day of the year

TOO MERRY CHRISTMAS

I made too merry yesterday
I had a splendid day
In Christmas celebration
I indulged in every way
But now my head is splitting
The morning after the play
So I will nurse my head
For all of Boxing Day

A Christmas Selection Box # 2

MY FAVOURITE THINGS AT XMAS # 2

Mulled wine and eggnog, a schooner of sherry
Baileys and Babycham to keep the girls merry
Singing along as Bing Crosby sings
These are a few of my favourite things

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 178

Father Christmas, Father Christmas,
Left his bag, Left his bag;
Up beside the chimney,
Up beside the chimney;
What a drag, what a drag.

CHRISTMAS DREAM # 2

I dream of Christmas
Laying in my cozy room
Dreaming of the carol singers
Singing their Christmas tunes

A CAROL FOR THE 21ST CENTURY - AWAY IN A MANGER

Away in a manger
No crib for a bed …
The little Lord Jesus
Lay down his sweet head
I don’t think it matters
How gently you sing
Social services don’t care
For this kind of thing

CHRISTMAS IS THE PERFECT TIME

Christmas is the perfect time
For the perfect Christmas rhyme
So when the bells of Christmas chime
Have the happiest Christmas time

THE GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST

On the north winds they come
Blown in on Decembers icy blast
Unwelcome visitors come calling
The ghosts of Christmas past

Creeping in with happier memories
Standing out in stark contrast
Sad memories best forgotten
The ghosts of Christmas past

ALL ACROSS THE GLOBE

All across the globe
They are seen together
On every continent
And in every weather
The Christian cross
And the pagan tree
To celebrate the birth
Of Christianity

THE CHURCH IS FULL

The church is full
On Christmas day
From miles around
They came to praise
And share in the joy
Of the blessed gift
Given to the world
To heal the rift

CHRISTMAS FOLLY REVISITED

I have no need of jollity
Or happy yuletide fare
I have no Christmas gift to wrap
There’s no one here to share

I have no time for Christmas
Just the time to reminisce
I have no need of mistletoe
Because she’s not here to kiss

So I will spend the time alone
On a lonely Christmas day
But I have no need of sympathy
Because I let her slip away

CHRISTMAS DOESN’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE

There will be no wreath on the door
Not a single decoration will be seen
Cards will be recycled unopened
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore

There will be no gifts beneath the tree
There will be no turkey with all the trimmings
There will be no festive merriment
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore

There will be no season’s greetings
There will be no Christmas joy
There will be no festive spirit
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore

This Christmas day will be like any other day
A day full of abject loneliness
For since my darling joined the angels
Christmas doesn’t live here anymore

REMEMBRANCE SHINES

Remembrance shines most
Bright, like the Christmas candle light,
During the Christmas rite

CHRISTMAS FELICITATIONS

Merry Christmas,
Good will to all men,
The festive season
Is with us once again,

The special holy day
Is growing very near
So Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year

A Christmas Selection Box # 1

MY FAVOURITE THINGS AT XMAS # 1

Baubles and bells and candle light glows
Bright coloured parcels tied up with bows
Candy and spices and popcorn on strings
These are a few of my favourite things

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 173

Father Christmas, Father Christmas,
He got stuck, he got stuck;
Coming down the chimney,
Coming down the chimney;
Too much tuck, Too much tuck.

CHRISTMAS DREAM # 1

I dream of Christmas
And hope the snow will fall
I dream of a snowy scene
When Santa comes to call

A CAROL FOR THE 21ST CENTURY – LITTLE DONKEY

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road,
Got to keep on plodding onwards, with your precious load.
- Stuff that cant we get the bus?

SAD CHRISTMAS

There is a pain in my chest
Where my heart used to be
There are tears in my eyes
That are blinding me
Let the season pass
Without my participation
Christmas won't be merry
Is my sad anticipation

CHRISTMAS GATEAU

It is time for me to make
My most special Christmas cake
The only thing you need to start
Is the most joyous open heart
Then add by the pound
All the love that can be found
Delightful festive merriments
And simple humble ingredients
Thankfulness and Gratitude
Lashings of positive attitude
Laced with Christmas cheer
And a cup of Christmas beer
An abundance of good wishes
With lots of hugs and kisses
Not forgetting laughter and fun
Enough to serve everyone
And to complete my Gateau
I garnish with sprigs of mistletoe

MISSING EVERYONE

I miss everyone so much, that I fear
I’ll dampen everyone’s Christmas cheer
Then your emailed movie clip appears
And when I’ve wiped away my misty tears
The long miles seem to disappear
And feel more like you are all near
So I put away my lonely fears
Have another glass that cheers
And I’ll see you all on New Years

I JUST OPENED MY PRESENT

My old aunt just popped round
With a Christmas gift for me
It wasn’t what I was expecting
It was a tweedy dye Mankini

“I hope it’s the one you wanted”
I didn’t know what to say really
I couldn’t understand it
I asked for a CD by Mancini

CHRISTMAS COMPLIMENT

As I was basting the bird
A thought, to me occurred
It was only at this time of peace
That Turkey and Greece,
As with hot fat you smother,
Compliment each other

THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS

Last year at the Christmas fair
I reached for my wallet and it wasn’t there
I was going to report my cards stolen
But I didn’t bother I must declare
As the thieves spent considerably less
Than my extravagant wife Claire
YOU’RE MY CHRISTMAS ANGEL

You’re my Christmas angel
You’re my very own Christmas delight.
Please stay with me tonight

IF ANYONE LOVED CHRISTMAS

If anyone loved Christmas
Then it would be Molly
She loved the mistletoe
She loved the holly
She loved drinking eggnog
She loved feeling jolly

And between me and you
Mr Jolly liked it too

ADMIRATION AND LOVE # 6

RAVEN HEADED MAIDEN FAIR

All I can do is stand and stare
At the raven headed maiden fair
The girl with the flowing black hair
Oh beautiful maiden standing there
With tresses of flowing black hair
Please be the answer to my prayer

I HAVE A PICTURE OF YOU

I have a picture of you,
In my wallet,
It’s a little the worse for wear
But I treasure it
I’m sure you’ll remember it
It was on the sea front
That last day I spent with you
I thought it was a happy day
You seemed happy too
I often study that little snap
Looking for any tell tale signs
But if they exist, they evade me
It doesn’t show in your eyes
There’s no hint in your smile
But still you left me

THE FIRST REAL KISS

She leaned her face towards me
Slowly, yet purposefully
And touched my lips gently with hers
For just the merest moment
A single spinetingling moment
Then she stopped
And pulled her head away
Looking deep into my eyes
With a commanding gaze
Which demanded loudly
That I should reciprocate
I wrapped my arms around her waist
Pulling her close to me.
When our lips met this time
They parted on contact
And our tongues flicked
Vigourously exploring each others mouths
It was my first real kiss
And what a kiss it was
A toe curling
Nerve tingling
Sweet moment of bliss

WHITE AS LILY

Full moon, white as Lily
how you do pluck at the strings
of young lovers hearts

ADMIRATION AND LOVE # 5

GOLDEN HEADED MAIDEN FAIR

All I can do is stand and stare
At the golden headed maiden fair
The girl with the dazzling yellow hair
Oh beautiful maiden standing there
With tresses of dazzling yellow hair
Please be the answer to my prayer

OUR LOVE IS OLD

Our love is old,
Our love is true,
When we’re apart
Our hearts are blue
I love you madly
And you love me too

YOUR TENDER TOUCH

Your tender touch
Meant so much
I miss your touch
A touch too much
Your tender touch
That was nonesuch

I STOP, I REMINISCE

I stop, I reminisce
That perfect time I miss
A smile, a look, a kiss
A moment of bliss
Sweet reminisce

PARAMOUR IN THE WINGS

Paramour in the wings
Mistress in waiting
The smitten kitten
With the concubine heart

ADMIRATION AND LOVE # 4

CHESTNUT HEADED MAIDEN FAIR

All I can do is stand and stare
At the chestnut headed maiden fair
The girl with the shinning brown hair
Oh beautiful maiden standing there
With tresses of shinning brown hair
Please be the answer to my prayer

TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO DREAM

How eagerly I await the night
When I can drift through
The curtain of sleep,
Into the dreamlands
Where sweet maidens await
With smiles of seduction,
Sweet tender caresses
And whispered words of love
Until I am torn away
Into the waking hour

THE LIGHT OF LOVE

I want to stir the slumber
Of your lonesome heart
And shine a loving light
Into the corners of the dark

THE DAWN OF DREAMS

Heralding the dawn,
The first fingers of light
Steal in through the glass
Penetrating the gloom
Waking me from my slumber
And stirring me from my dreams
Which but a moment ago
Were vividly real and tangible
Yet now are only half remembered things
Drifting away like mist on the breeze

BENIGN SPIRIT

Let me surround you
Like a benign spirit
Comforting and protecting
Let me envelope you like a cloak of love
Wrapping you in a goose down quilt
To warm your soul from winters grip
Let me nourish and nurture
And blow gently on the embers of love
In your sad and lonely heart

HUMEROUS POEMS # 3

IT’S A BLESSED MIRACLE

It’s a blessed miracle
I've been in love with the same woman
For more than fifty years!
It’s a greater miracle
That my wife has never found out,
If she did it would end in tears

RUDELY AWAKENED

I leapt up out of bed,
And I opened the door
In my pyjamas,
Wow I’d not noticed it before
What a very odd place
For there to be a door

A REAL HUMDINGER

A man made a boast
It was a real humdinger
“I can turn this duck
Into a soul singer”

He repeated his boast
Despite being mocked
And made a wager
That left them shocked

They took the bet
That was a real humdinger
To see him turn a duck
Into a soul singer

He said as he took the duck
That he called Mr Smithers
“Now I’ll put it in the microwave
Until its bill withers”

MY LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS # 3

Mono browed women with un-waxed moustaches
Wearing tight leggings too small for their asses
Fat sausage fingers and huge bingo wings
These are a few of my least favourite things

THREE LITTLE FISHES

Three fish in a tank,
One says to the other ones
I'll drive the thing
If you two man the guns

A WEASEL AND A STOAT?

What's the difference between
A weasel and a stoat?
They can both be used
To make a fine coat
So that’s not the answer
Well no need to lament
One's weasily recognized
The other stoatly different.

EIN GANG

Just a little heads up
When everything's coming your way,
Don’t get too cocky
You’re just in the wrong lane. Ok?

FURRY, FURRY DICE

Furry, furry dice
Nodding dogs that nod all day
Look out on the motorway
With eyes that know the despair in my soul.
Hold-ups on the hills,
Stretched for miles like bitter pills
Take a break because tiredness kills
The signs say all across this land

To the tune of Vincent by Don McClean

PUT DOWN # 47

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “Wow that dress looks good on you
But it would look even better on my bedroom floor”
Just thank him and say “No problem,
I’ll send it to you when I don’t wear it anymore”

I LOST MY JOB TODAY

I lost my job today, I was sacked
My boss finally drove me to the brink
So I said “Shhh, just listen to the sound
Of nobody caring what you think”