STEPHANIE

It was love at first sight
When I first saw Stephanie
That sparkling sprite
Stunning little Steffie
It may have been her beautiful face
Wish a rosy blush on her cheek
She was the most beautiful creature
I ever held in my arms
It may have been the fine brown hair
Dancing on her shoulders
Hair so fine it turned to fire
In the sunlight
Making a halo on an angel's head
Possibly it was her vivaciousness
Or just her small buttocks
Encased in her dirty jodhpurs
She was simply heart stoppingly gorgeous
Being in love with her was joyous,
Being loved by her was glorious
She would hug me
And bury her head in my chest
The smell of her hair was heaven
Her perfume a divine intoxication
And I would feel her tremble in my arms
As a tiny bird might in the palm of your hand
I wanted to keep her safe
Protect her from harm
Then I would kiss the top of her head
And carry her off to bed
I loved her so much
But I should have loved her more
I should have loved her with a passion
With such depth and intensity
That God himself
Could not have rent her from my grasp
But I did not
And my little bird escaped

I JUST MET A GIRL CALLED MARIA

I was fourteen when I met her
It was the school holidays
And time could hang heavily
As you tried to fill the days

But that was before Maria
We met at the local lido
During that long hot summer
When she affected me so

She was a big busted girl
A full year older than me
And the stirrings in my trunks
Were due to her close proximity

Everywhere that was important
Maria was big soft and round
An open smile and wondrous lips
And a voice of honey sweet sound

I lost my heart on that summer day
Her charms I could not resist
That summer of sexual awakening
Her lips were the first I kissed

What a great summer it was
With Maria by my side
Our first summer of love
My heart full of love and pride

The summer passed much faster
After I first saw her lovely face
We parted in September
Never again to share an embrace

LETTERS IN THE LIBRARY

As I sit in the musty library
In a once great house
I read, not one of the leather bound tomes
That fill the shelves from floor to ceiling
But a collection of letters
Neatly tied in ribbons
And they take my breath away
For each page is part of a remarkable story
About a most extraordinary couple
And their exceptional love story
For this lovingly devoted couple
Never met
Yet their love was evident
In their personnel correspondence,
No in their Love letters
Let’s say it how it is
The flowery words of an affaire d’amour
Echoed in the calligraphy on every page
Each billet doux
More affectionate and romantic than the previous
They bill and coo on every page
Each lovingly constructed sentence
Heavily laced with innuendo
Subtle yet explicit at the same time
Flavoured with delicious nuances
Flirtatious and lustful
Romantic and affectionate
A love of such purity
Not for its pureness of thought
But for the absence of any hope of physicality
She was an invalid, bed ridden
He a subject of an enemy state
So she couldn’t go to him
He couldn’t come to her
They could never meet, would never meet
So they made love via correspondence
An affair lasting more than forty years
Only ending with his death
His dying wish that her letters be returned to her
So that they at least should lie together

HAVE YOU SEEN HER?

The coffee shop was quiet
Much quieter than last week
When I last saw her,
Which was also the first time
But in those seven days
She has filled my every thought
I have haunted the coffee shop everyday
But I haven’t seen her again
And today once more
There is no sign of her
I should ask the waitress
But what would I say
“Have you seen that girl?
She was here a week ago
The girl who was sat there
In that easy chair
The girl with the chestnut hair
In a pixie cut, have you seen her”?
How ridiculous would that sound?
She would think me mad
Or worse a stalker
Maybe if I told her about her smile
A smile to brighten the darkest day
Or those green eyes
Hypnotic and mesmerising,
Or that soft velvet laugh
But no I would just sound creepy
So I order a coffee instead
And sit in her corner
Drinking my coffee
While pondering my insanity
“Do you mind if I join you”?
A voice halted my musings
It was her, my quarry
She was here and she was speaking to me
“Absolutely, please do”
I replied rather pompously
“I love this corner” she said
“I like to sit and watch the world go by”
We exchanged a smile
But now she was actually here
I was speechless and my head was spinning
And I felt a little guilty
For stalking her like prey
Then, in a soft easy tone
She spoke again, which put me at my ease
“Didn’t I see you in here last week?”

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 1

You have elegance
Poise and grace
A certain sophistication
And what was once called “it”
You have beauty
And sex appeal
You know what you’ve got
And how to use it
You have style
And fashion sense
You know what goes
And what does not
So answer me this
Why do you choose?
As your date
A tattooed Neanderthal

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 2

She was gracefully slender
He was over weight so not so
She was something of a wit
He was not known for his bon mot
She was an intelligent beauty
He was not either though
With absolutely nothing in common
What attracted them I don’t know
But caught on the kitchen table
Going at it with Gusto
Were the unlikely couple
Undoubtedly in flagrante delicto

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 3

What a strange affair
That mismatched pair
A pair of opposites
Caviar and grits
What did they do?
That mismatched two
Who were juxtaposed?
He fucked her, I suppose

A LITTLE WORD

A LITTLE WORD # 1

While some use it liberally
Others hardly ever say it
Some won’t say it
Others can’t say it
Some have noone to say it to
And some say it to anyone
Some feel it but don’t say it
Others say it without feeling it
Some long to hear it said
Others are scared away by it
But whether you would have
Should have or could have
Make sure when you use the word
That you mean it when you say it
And you say it when you feel it
Love is just a word
Just one simple word
But what an effect it can have
And what damage it can sometimes cause

A LITTLE WORD # 2

While some use it liberally
Others hardly ever say it
Some won’t say it
Others can’t say it
Some have no reason to say it
And some should say it to everyone
Some feel it but don’t say it
Others say it without feeling it
Some long to hear it said
Others are scared by it
But whether you would have
Should have or could have
Make sure when you use the word
That you mean it when you say it
And you say it when you feel it
Sorry is just a word
Just one simple word
But what an effect it can have

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 160

A man of words and not of deeds
Sounds like a politician to me

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 161

Boys and girls come out to play,
The moon does shine as bright as day;
They come with a rug and a packet of three
They come prepared to play carnally

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 162

I do not like thee, Doctor Fell,
The reason why I can now tell;
I only see you when I feel unwell
And you’ll sound my death knell

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 163

Wash on Monday,
Iron on Tuesday,
Bake on Wednesday,
Brew on Thursday,
Churn on Friday,
Mend on Saturday,
Go to meeting on Sunday.
And all on minimum wage
These polish maids are brilliant

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 164

There was an old woman of Leeds
Who spent all her time in good deeds;
until she moved to Lancashire

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 165

Robert Barnes, fellow fine,
Can you shoe this horse of mine?
No, good sir, that I can’t,
Why ever not, fellow fine?
Primarily because I’m an estate agent called Mike
But mainly because that’s a push bike

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 166

Pussy cat Mole
Jumped over a coal,
And in her best petticoat
Burnt a great hole.
And that’s genetic modification for you

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 167

Once I saw a little bird
Come hop, hop, hop;
So I cried: "Little bird,
Will you stop, stop, stop?"
But it didn’t stop
So I shot the little bastard

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 168

Multiplication is vexation,
Division is as bad;
And that’s why they invented the calculator

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 169

Molly, my sister,
And I fell out,
And what do you think
It was all about?

She loved coffee
And I loved tea,
And that was the reason
We couldn't agree!

If you believe that
Then more fool you
She was actually screwing
My husband Hugh

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 170

Little Polly Flinders
Sat down upon cinders,
Cinderella and Polly
Are naughty little girls aren’t they?