LETTERS IN THE LIBRARY

As I sit in the musty library
In a once great house
I read, not one of the leather bound tomes
That fill the shelves from floor to ceiling
But a collection of letters
Neatly tied in ribbons
And they take my breath away
For each page is part of a remarkable story
About a most extraordinary couple
And their exceptional love story
For this lovingly devoted couple
Never met
Yet their love was evident
In their personnel correspondence,
No in their Love letters
Let’s say it how it is
The flowery words of an affaire d’amour
Echoed in the calligraphy on every page
Each billet doux
More affectionate and romantic than the previous
They bill and coo on every page
Each lovingly constructed sentence
Heavily laced with innuendo
Subtle yet explicit at the same time
Flavoured with delicious nuances
Flirtatious and lustful
Romantic and affectionate
A love of such purity
Not for its pureness of thought
But for the absence of any hope of physicality
She was an invalid, bed ridden
He a subject of an enemy state
So she couldn’t go to him
He couldn’t come to her
They could never meet, would never meet
So they made love via correspondence
An affair lasting more than forty years
Only ending with his death
His dying wish that her letters be returned to her
So that they at least should lie together

HAVE YOU SEEN HER?

The coffee shop was quiet
Much quieter than last week
When I last saw her,
Which was also the first time
But in those seven days
She has filled my every thought
I have haunted the coffee shop everyday
But I haven’t seen her again
And today once more
There is no sign of her
I should ask the waitress
But what would I say
“Have you seen that girl?
She was here a week ago
The girl who was sat there
In that easy chair
The girl with the chestnut hair
In a pixie cut, have you seen her”?
How ridiculous would that sound?
She would think me mad
Or worse a stalker
Maybe if I told her about her smile
A smile to brighten the darkest day
Or those green eyes
Hypnotic and mesmerising,
Or that soft velvet laugh
But no I would just sound creepy
So I order a coffee instead
And sit in her corner
Drinking my coffee
While pondering my insanity
“Do you mind if I join you”?
A voice halted my musings
It was her, my quarry
She was here and she was speaking to me
“Absolutely, please do”
I replied rather pompously
“I love this corner” she said
“I like to sit and watch the world go by”
We exchanged a smile
But now she was actually here
I was speechless and my head was spinning
And I felt a little guilty
For stalking her like prey
Then, in a soft easy tone
She spoke again, which put me at my ease
“Didn’t I see you in here last week?”

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 1

You have elegance
Poise and grace
A certain sophistication
And what was once called “it”
You have beauty
And sex appeal
You know what you’ve got
And how to use it
You have style
And fashion sense
You know what goes
And what does not
So answer me this
Why do you choose?
As your date
A tattooed Neanderthal

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 2

She was gracefully slender
He was over weight so not so
She was something of a wit
He was not known for his bon mot
She was an intelligent beauty
He was not either though
With absolutely nothing in common
What attracted them I don’t know
But caught on the kitchen table
Going at it with Gusto
Were the unlikely couple
Undoubtedly in flagrante delicto

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 3

What a strange affair
That mismatched pair
A pair of opposites
Caviar and grits
What did they do?
That mismatched two
Who were juxtaposed?
He fucked her, I suppose

A LITTLE WORD

A LITTLE WORD # 1

While some use it liberally
Others hardly ever say it
Some won’t say it
Others can’t say it
Some have noone to say it to
And some say it to anyone
Some feel it but don’t say it
Others say it without feeling it
Some long to hear it said
Others are scared away by it
But whether you would have
Should have or could have
Make sure when you use the word
That you mean it when you say it
And you say it when you feel it
Love is just a word
Just one simple word
But what an effect it can have
And what damage it can sometimes cause

A LITTLE WORD # 2

While some use it liberally
Others hardly ever say it
Some won’t say it
Others can’t say it
Some have no reason to say it
And some should say it to everyone
Some feel it but don’t say it
Others say it without feeling it
Some long to hear it said
Others are scared by it
But whether you would have
Should have or could have
Make sure when you use the word
That you mean it when you say it
And you say it when you feel it
Sorry is just a word
Just one simple word
But what an effect it can have

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 160

A man of words and not of deeds
Sounds like a politician to me

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 161

Boys and girls come out to play,
The moon does shine as bright as day;
They come with a rug and a packet of three
They come prepared to play carnally

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 162

I do not like thee, Doctor Fell,
The reason why I can now tell;
I only see you when I feel unwell
And you’ll sound my death knell

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 163

Wash on Monday,
Iron on Tuesday,
Bake on Wednesday,
Brew on Thursday,
Churn on Friday,
Mend on Saturday,
Go to meeting on Sunday.
And all on minimum wage
These polish maids are brilliant

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 164

There was an old woman of Leeds
Who spent all her time in good deeds;
until she moved to Lancashire

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 165

Robert Barnes, fellow fine,
Can you shoe this horse of mine?
No, good sir, that I can’t,
Why ever not, fellow fine?
Primarily because I’m an estate agent called Mike
But mainly because that’s a push bike

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 166

Pussy cat Mole
Jumped over a coal,
And in her best petticoat
Burnt a great hole.
And that’s genetic modification for you

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 167

Once I saw a little bird
Come hop, hop, hop;
So I cried: "Little bird,
Will you stop, stop, stop?"
But it didn’t stop
So I shot the little bastard

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 168

Multiplication is vexation,
Division is as bad;
And that’s why they invented the calculator

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 169

Molly, my sister,
And I fell out,
And what do you think
It was all about?

She loved coffee
And I loved tea,
And that was the reason
We couldn't agree!

If you believe that
Then more fool you
She was actually screwing
My husband Hugh

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 170

Little Polly Flinders
Sat down upon cinders,
Cinderella and Polly
Are naughty little girls aren’t they?

SWEET EXPECTATIONS

She is the most sugary sweet
Girl you could meet
In essence she is a perfection
Of a confection
She is a sweet sensation
She is a candy creation
She is a delicious bon bon
Need I really go on on
And to tell the honest truth
I have the sweetest tooth
And long to consume
In the quiet of her room
This soft centered dream
Of peaches and cream
But like many a desire
That lights a mans fire
Come the appropriate hour
The candy will turn sour

IF OUR LOVE IS OVER

If our love is over
If our love really is no more
Then leave me now
Go now and close the door

Don’t stay to damage
An already broken heart
Each day brings more pain
It is better that we part

You hand is on the handle
Then my fears are realised
I have lost your heart
That cannot be disguised

If our love is over
Don’t prolong the agony
Like a caged love bird
Open the door, set me free

We must end it now
It has become a disaster
Please do it quickly
Like removing a plaster

Go through the door
Don’t look back at me
For I will breakdown
And I don’t want you to see