OPPOSITES ATTRACT

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 1

You have elegance
Poise and grace
A certain sophistication
And what was once called “it”
You have beauty
And sex appeal
You know what you’ve got
And how to use it
You have style
And fashion sense
You know what goes
And what does not
So answer me this
Why do you choose?
As your date
A tattooed Neanderthal

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 2

She was gracefully slender
He was over weight so not so
She was something of a wit
He was not known for his bon mot
She was an intelligent beauty
He was not either though
With absolutely nothing in common
What attracted them I don’t know
But caught on the kitchen table
Going at it with Gusto
Were the unlikely couple
Undoubtedly in flagrante delicto

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 3

What a strange affair
That mismatched pair
A pair of opposites
Caviar and grits
What did they do?
That mismatched two
Who were juxtaposed?
He fucked her, I suppose

A LITTLE WORD

A LITTLE WORD # 1

While some use it liberally
Others hardly ever say it
Some won’t say it
Others can’t say it
Some have noone to say it to
And some say it to anyone
Some feel it but don’t say it
Others say it without feeling it
Some long to hear it said
Others are scared away by it
But whether you would have
Should have or could have
Make sure when you use the word
That you mean it when you say it
And you say it when you feel it
Love is just a word
Just one simple word
But what an effect it can have
And what damage it can sometimes cause

A LITTLE WORD # 2

While some use it liberally
Others hardly ever say it
Some won’t say it
Others can’t say it
Some have no reason to say it
And some should say it to everyone
Some feel it but don’t say it
Others say it without feeling it
Some long to hear it said
Others are scared by it
But whether you would have
Should have or could have
Make sure when you use the word
That you mean it when you say it
And you say it when you feel it
Sorry is just a word
Just one simple word
But what an effect it can have

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 160

A man of words and not of deeds
Sounds like a politician to me

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 161

Boys and girls come out to play,
The moon does shine as bright as day;
They come with a rug and a packet of three
They come prepared to play carnally

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 162

I do not like thee, Doctor Fell,
The reason why I can now tell;
I only see you when I feel unwell
And you’ll sound my death knell

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 163

Wash on Monday,
Iron on Tuesday,
Bake on Wednesday,
Brew on Thursday,
Churn on Friday,
Mend on Saturday,
Go to meeting on Sunday.
And all on minimum wage
These polish maids are brilliant

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 164

There was an old woman of Leeds
Who spent all her time in good deeds;
until she moved to Lancashire

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 165

Robert Barnes, fellow fine,
Can you shoe this horse of mine?
No, good sir, that I can’t,
Why ever not, fellow fine?
Primarily because I’m an estate agent called Mike
But mainly because that’s a push bike

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 166

Pussy cat Mole
Jumped over a coal,
And in her best petticoat
Burnt a great hole.
And that’s genetic modification for you

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 167

Once I saw a little bird
Come hop, hop, hop;
So I cried: "Little bird,
Will you stop, stop, stop?"
But it didn’t stop
So I shot the little bastard

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 168

Multiplication is vexation,
Division is as bad;
And that’s why they invented the calculator

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 169

Molly, my sister,
And I fell out,
And what do you think
It was all about?

She loved coffee
And I loved tea,
And that was the reason
We couldn't agree!

If you believe that
Then more fool you
She was actually screwing
My husband Hugh

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 170

Little Polly Flinders
Sat down upon cinders,
Cinderella and Polly
Are naughty little girls aren’t they?

SWEET EXPECTATIONS

She is the most sugary sweet
Girl you could meet
In essence she is a perfection
Of a confection
She is a sweet sensation
She is a candy creation
She is a delicious bon bon
Need I really go on on
And to tell the honest truth
I have the sweetest tooth
And long to consume
In the quiet of her room
This soft centered dream
Of peaches and cream
But like many a desire
That lights a mans fire
Come the appropriate hour
The candy will turn sour

IF OUR LOVE IS OVER

If our love is over
If our love really is no more
Then leave me now
Go now and close the door

Don’t stay to damage
An already broken heart
Each day brings more pain
It is better that we part

You hand is on the handle
Then my fears are realised
I have lost your heart
That cannot be disguised

If our love is over
Don’t prolong the agony
Like a caged love bird
Open the door, set me free

We must end it now
It has become a disaster
Please do it quickly
Like removing a plaster

Go through the door
Don’t look back at me
For I will breakdown
And I don’t want you to see

WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?

The years are passing me by
And another relationship has failed
What is wrong with me?
Why has this love affair derailed?

Why can I not hold onto love?
What kind of signal do I transmit?
What makes me so difficult to love?
I cannot put my finger on it

So I must move onto pastures new
Looking for the most elusive pray
Wishing for better luck this time around
And that I will strike gold one day

Surely it is not too much to ask
That my love be returned in kind
I won’t give up the search
I’ll keep looking and see what I find

I just have to keep believing
Keep the faith and I will soon see
The next one that I can love
And hope that they will love me

ONE WAY TRAFFIC

Why is it that when I think about you
I find my self inanely grinning
Yet I get nothing back from you
That would get my giddy head spinning

I can’t go on getting nothing back
I have wasted too much time on you
I need to feel your love, but I don’t
So breaking up is the only thing to do

Breaking up is hard to do, so says the song
But that doesn’t apply in this case
For when I tell that our affair is over
No hint of emotion shows on your face

I should perhaps have realised
Your heart was not there for the winning
But blinded by my love I didn’t notice
You were indifferent from the beginning