A VOYAGE ROUND MY FATHER (8)
Dad said “I’m going to Thailand"
I replied to him "To Bangkok?"
He thought for a moment, then said
"Oh no I certainly hope not”
THE HUNDRED YEARS WAR
Called the Hundred Years War
I was understandably misled
Because the war really lasted
A hundred and sixteen instead
BE MY VALENTINE # 1
On Valentine’s Day
The valentine card said to the stamp
Stick with me and we'll go places!
While the farmer gave his wife
Hogs and kisses!
And the caveman gave his wife
Ughs and kisses!
PROVERBIAL PROVERBS # 1
The old saying goes that “A volunteer
Is worth Ten pressed men”
Well volunteers are all well and good
But a pressed man looks really sharp
MY BROTHER IS A PESSIMIST # 2
My brother is a pessimist
With all his nay-saying
And a glass half full guy
With his catastrophising
I’M A VERY COURAGEOUS GOLFER
I’m a very courageous Golfer,
At least in my view
Because it takes a lot of balls
To Golf the way, I do
COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN BLACK?
Could Jesus have been Black?
Maybe, its true he liked Gospel
He called everyone brother
And He didn't get a fair trial
MARITAL RELATIONS
A post argument couple
Drove down a country lane
For quite a few miles,
Choosing not to speak again
Until they drove past a farm
When he said, “Relatives of yours?”
Referring to the pigs in a field
“Oh yes,” she replied, “in-laws”
MY GREAT UNCLE IS A SCIENTIST
My Great Uncle is a scientist
As well as a keen horticulturist
Which is quite evident to see
As he’s growing a chemistree
CWTCH
There is a general misunderstanding
That a cuddle is the same everywhere
Well allow me to clear up the muddle
Anyone can indeed hug, that’s true
But only the Welsh can cwtch, and
They’re so much better than a cuddle
IS IT PANCAKE DAY ALREADY?
Is it Pancake Day
Already? Oh dear
It’s really crêped up
On me this year
THEY HAD A ROCK AND ROLL NIGHT
They had a rock and roll night
At the care home, all very droll
It was a quite sedentary evening
And was more like Crock and Roll
Friday, 10 August 2018
Another Love Collection
VALENTINES # 1
Lover you still do it for me,
You are still my object of desire
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still light my fire
WIND BLOWN PETALS
Like wind-blown petals
Of spring blossom
The snow fell in gentle swirls
Quickly settling
On the frozen landscape
To delight the boys and girls
Then I kissed a snowflake
Off her wrinkled nose
As more settled on her curls
THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL WAS OURS
The greatest love of all was ours
I felt I could reach up and touch the stars
As my love was return by my sweetheart
And I knew we would never be apart
VALENTINES # 2
Lover you still do it for me,
With that wiggle when you walk
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still pop my cork
FROM A BOY TO A MAN
I knew I had grown
From a boy to a man
When playing in the snow
With boisterous mates
Held less attraction
Than making snow angels
With a pretty girl
THE BROKEN-HEARTED LONELY GIRL
“There’s a perfect mate for me
Somewhere in the world” she’d say
Having been let down by love
And she was a lonely girl
In between bouts of desperate love
That left her in a whirl
Until she is all consumed and is again
The broken-hearted lonely girl
PERFECT IMPERFECT LOVE
It was a perfect love,
But a secret love,
And it was also tainted,
By deceit and betrayal
Sneaking away for
Illicit rendezvous
In the dead of night
To lay with their lover
Til the break of day,
But neither were free
So that was not perfect
And they knew it was wrong
But they couldn’t stop
For that perfect love
Made them feel so alive
They had found their life’s love
And though they knew
Their love was doomed
And tears would be cried
And hearts broken
They held on to their
Perfect imperfect love
Until the bitter end
VALENTINES # 3
Lover you still do it for me,
Though you now have a fuller figure
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still pull my trigger
IT WAS A CLUMSY COMING TOGETHER
It was a clumsy coming together,
Not a very auspicious start
But no harm done, except to dignity,
As they prized themselves apart
And when they first looked
At their dishevelled counterpart
They liked what they saw
And had left a smile on the others heart
UNDER A BITTER SKY
Beneath the marbled skies
Of broken, fractured cloud
And the myriad of winter hues
Coloured with grays and blues
I waited in the bitter frosty air
Feeling the sting of winters bite
Until the moment I saw you
And warmed instantly by the view
VALENTINES # 4
Lover you still do it for me,
To me you’re lamb and not mutton
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still push my button
IT HAD HAPPENED ONE SUMMER NIGHT
We met at the beach party
On the wide ocean shore
And we danced by moonlight,
As the sea breeze caressed us
It was a magical night
The rapture of the music,
Feeling enraptured by you.
But as special as it was
Dancing with you
On that moonlit beach
It paled to insignificance
Compared to walking
Hand in hand with you
The next day in the sun
HE WAS GOING ON A BLIND DATE
He was going on a blind date
And was in a very nervous state
About meeting someone new
And was not sure what to do
What if he was out classed?
What if she left him aghast?
He panicked when he saw her
Because she was even lovelier
He found after he arrived there
She began talking about a Polar Bear
And she rambled on more and more
Which she eventually apologized for
And laughed at his reaction
And explained the reason for her action
Stating they were converse makers
As Polar Bears were real ice breakers
VALENTINES # 5
Lover you still do it for me,
I’m as ever under your spell
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still ring my bell
ON THE HILL TOP SHE CHOSE TO HIDE
On the hill top she chose to hide
In the home where her parents reside,
Whereas I live down the hillside,
Where my brother and his wife abide.
But though the gulf between us was wide
I still planned to make her my bride
THE DAY I SAID GOODBYE TO HER
The day I said goodbye to her,
Replays constantly in my mind
And it’s a familiar memory
Of the most destressing kind
I have tried to move on but I left
The love of my life behind
VALENTINES # 6
You fill my thoughts before I sleep
And you’re there again when I awake
I have given my heart without regret
I gave it to you for my hearts sake
I have found an all-embracing love
If I lost you my heart would break
FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE
Falling in love with someone
Can be a blessing and a curse
But when love is reciprocated
It is a prize beyond worth
VALENTINES # 7
Lover, you still do it for me,
Though you are no longer a dolly chick
Your qualities are plain to see
You still scratch my itch and flick my switch
BEYOND QUANTIFYABLE MEASURE
When someone you love
Beyond quantifiable measure
Becomes a memory,
That memory becomes a treasure
WHEN SOMEONE FALLS IN LOVE WITH YOU
When someone falls in love with you
And you with them it is a precious gift
Making every day like Valentine’s Day
Because the gift of love gives you a lift
I MET A LADY THAT LIT MY FIRE
I met a lady that lit my fire
Dressed in beautiful attire
Who I did instantly admire,
And whose heart I did desire,
But knew I would ever acquire
LOVE TIPS THE SCALE
Life is a question of balance
And love tips the scales
Some give a false accounting
But a steady love never fails
VALENTINES # 8
Since entering my life, a symphony plays
When before was only monotone
And colour now lives in every plane and facet
Where once was only monochrome
Lover you still do it for me,
You are still my object of desire
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still light my fire
WIND BLOWN PETALS
Like wind-blown petals
Of spring blossom
The snow fell in gentle swirls
Quickly settling
On the frozen landscape
To delight the boys and girls
Then I kissed a snowflake
Off her wrinkled nose
As more settled on her curls
THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL WAS OURS
The greatest love of all was ours
I felt I could reach up and touch the stars
As my love was return by my sweetheart
And I knew we would never be apart
VALENTINES # 2
Lover you still do it for me,
With that wiggle when you walk
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still pop my cork
FROM A BOY TO A MAN
I knew I had grown
From a boy to a man
When playing in the snow
With boisterous mates
Held less attraction
Than making snow angels
With a pretty girl
THE BROKEN-HEARTED LONELY GIRL
“There’s a perfect mate for me
Somewhere in the world” she’d say
Having been let down by love
And she was a lonely girl
In between bouts of desperate love
That left her in a whirl
Until she is all consumed and is again
The broken-hearted lonely girl
PERFECT IMPERFECT LOVE
It was a perfect love,
But a secret love,
And it was also tainted,
By deceit and betrayal
Sneaking away for
Illicit rendezvous
In the dead of night
To lay with their lover
Til the break of day,
But neither were free
So that was not perfect
And they knew it was wrong
But they couldn’t stop
For that perfect love
Made them feel so alive
They had found their life’s love
And though they knew
Their love was doomed
And tears would be cried
And hearts broken
They held on to their
Perfect imperfect love
Until the bitter end
VALENTINES # 3
Lover you still do it for me,
Though you now have a fuller figure
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still pull my trigger
IT WAS A CLUMSY COMING TOGETHER
It was a clumsy coming together,
Not a very auspicious start
But no harm done, except to dignity,
As they prized themselves apart
And when they first looked
At their dishevelled counterpart
They liked what they saw
And had left a smile on the others heart
UNDER A BITTER SKY
Beneath the marbled skies
Of broken, fractured cloud
And the myriad of winter hues
Coloured with grays and blues
I waited in the bitter frosty air
Feeling the sting of winters bite
Until the moment I saw you
And warmed instantly by the view
VALENTINES # 4
Lover you still do it for me,
To me you’re lamb and not mutton
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still push my button
IT HAD HAPPENED ONE SUMMER NIGHT
We met at the beach party
On the wide ocean shore
And we danced by moonlight,
As the sea breeze caressed us
It was a magical night
The rapture of the music,
Feeling enraptured by you.
But as special as it was
Dancing with you
On that moonlit beach
It paled to insignificance
Compared to walking
Hand in hand with you
The next day in the sun
HE WAS GOING ON A BLIND DATE
He was going on a blind date
And was in a very nervous state
About meeting someone new
And was not sure what to do
What if he was out classed?
What if she left him aghast?
He panicked when he saw her
Because she was even lovelier
He found after he arrived there
She began talking about a Polar Bear
And she rambled on more and more
Which she eventually apologized for
And laughed at his reaction
And explained the reason for her action
Stating they were converse makers
As Polar Bears were real ice breakers
VALENTINES # 5
Lover you still do it for me,
I’m as ever under your spell
Your qualities are plain to see
And you still ring my bell
ON THE HILL TOP SHE CHOSE TO HIDE
On the hill top she chose to hide
In the home where her parents reside,
Whereas I live down the hillside,
Where my brother and his wife abide.
But though the gulf between us was wide
I still planned to make her my bride
THE DAY I SAID GOODBYE TO HER
The day I said goodbye to her,
Replays constantly in my mind
And it’s a familiar memory
Of the most destressing kind
I have tried to move on but I left
The love of my life behind
VALENTINES # 6
You fill my thoughts before I sleep
And you’re there again when I awake
I have given my heart without regret
I gave it to you for my hearts sake
I have found an all-embracing love
If I lost you my heart would break
FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE
Falling in love with someone
Can be a blessing and a curse
But when love is reciprocated
It is a prize beyond worth
VALENTINES # 7
Lover, you still do it for me,
Though you are no longer a dolly chick
Your qualities are plain to see
You still scratch my itch and flick my switch
BEYOND QUANTIFYABLE MEASURE
When someone you love
Beyond quantifiable measure
Becomes a memory,
That memory becomes a treasure
WHEN SOMEONE FALLS IN LOVE WITH YOU
When someone falls in love with you
And you with them it is a precious gift
Making every day like Valentine’s Day
Because the gift of love gives you a lift
I MET A LADY THAT LIT MY FIRE
I met a lady that lit my fire
Dressed in beautiful attire
Who I did instantly admire,
And whose heart I did desire,
But knew I would ever acquire
LOVE TIPS THE SCALE
Life is a question of balance
And love tips the scales
Some give a false accounting
But a steady love never fails
VALENTINES # 8
Since entering my life, a symphony plays
When before was only monotone
And colour now lives in every plane and facet
Where once was only monochrome
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