Wide World Of Sport

WE HAVE A GREAT WELSH INTERNATIONAL

We have a great Welsh international
Known affectionately as Griff
Well when I say he’s Welsh
His parents once went to Cardiff

BERNHARD CARL "BERT" TRAUTMANN, OBE

(22 OCTOBER 1923 – 19 JULY 2013)

We have just seen the passing of a true sporting legend.
Bert Trautmann was born and bred during the toughest of times to be a german, during the inter-war years.
During the second world war he fought for three years as a paratrooper on the Eastern Front, where he was awarded five medals one of which being the Iron Cross.
But it was towards the end of the war that he was transferred to the Western Front where he was captured by the British.
He spent his captivity in a prisoner-of-war camp in Lancashire at Ashton-in-Makerfield, where he worked on the land until his release date in 1948.
At that point Trautmann refused repatriation, and chose instead to settle in Lancashire continuing to work on the land as a farm labourer.
In his spare time he played as a goalkeeper for his local football team St Helens Town. Where his performances brought him to the attention of First Division side Manchester City for whom he signed in October 1949.
However in a City that suffered terribly at the hands of the Luftwaffe the club's decision to sign a former German paratrooper sparked huge protests.
But through his performances he won over all but the hardest hearts and was accepted,
It was in 1956 that Bert Trautmann entered football folklore when he played for Man City in the FA Cup Final against Birmingham City and played the last 17 minutes of the match with a broken neck on the way to winning the cup.
He continued to play for Manchester City until his retirement in 1964 after making 545 appearances for the club.
In 2004 he was honoured with the Order of the British Empire (OBE),

WE HAVE A MIDFIELD GENERAL # 1

We have a midfield General
Who’s really completive and hard
But everyone that we play
Just think he’s a dirty bastard

IN THE PROGRAM THEY SAY

In the program they say
He’s a real seasoned player
But what they really mean
Is he’s past it the poor geezer

IN THE PROGRAM THEY SAY OF HIM

In the program they say of him
That he is a loyal player to the team
But in truth no other club
Will have him it would seem

VERY ECONOMICAL WITH THE BALL

Very economical with the ball
That is a quality worth merit
Our captain is only economical
As he’s too slow to get near it

WE HAVE A GREAT IRISH INTERNATIONAL

We have a great Irish international
By the name of Kevin O’Rourke
Well when I say he’s Irish
His parents once went to Cork

OUR TEAM PLAY AT AN HISTORIC GROUND

Our team play at an historic ground
We on the terraces all proudly roar
All the visiting fans shout in reply
That it’s an old run down eye sore

WE HAVE A MIDFIELD GENERAL # 2

We have a midfield General
Highly talented but temperamental
A hard working terrier
But on a bad day he’s just mental

IF YOUR TEAM IS DOING WELL

If your team is doing well
You can carry a player with flare
But if they’re doing badly
He’s no more than a waste of air

IF NANI WAS IN YOUR TEAM

If Nani was in your team
Would you enjoy his flare?
Well I can tell it has its place
But he just shows off to be fair

I WAS DRIVING HOME AFTER THE MATCH

I was driving home after the match
Listening to the report on the BBC
It was described as a fascinating contest
Which surprised the hell out of me
Far from being an interesting match
It was the most boring thing you could see

HE’S AN INSTINCTIVE PLAYER

He’s an instinctive player
A natural and prodigious talent
Or so they say, I think its
More by luck than judgment

BERT TRAUTMANN

Goalkeeper Bert Trautmann
Was from a different age
When top flight players
Were not spoilt and pampered
He didn’t live in a mansion
Or have a selection of sports cars
To get to work on match days
From his home in Stockport
To Maine road in Manchester
He had to catch two buses.

WE HAVE A GREAT SCOTTISH INTERNATIONAL

We have a great Scottish international
By the name of Jim McKee
Well when I say he’s a Scottish
His parents once went to Dundee

A Little Bit Of Humour # 21

MEMORY OF AN ELEPHANT

Apparently my Dad
Has the memory of an Elephant
When he was a boy
He went Zoo and saw an Elephant

MY FATHER WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN

My Father was trying to explain
About anaphylactic shock again
And wasn’t doing it very well
I could have explained it in a nutshell

I AM NOT IN ANY WAY INTERESTED IN

I am not in any way interested in
An alternative energy supplier
Because if I said I was unhappy
With food I would be a liar

MY CAT IS A FUSSY EATER # 1

My cat is a fussy eater
That’s not uncommon for a Siamese
And for breakfast she will only eat
A bowl of Mice Crispies

SHE WAS A VERY BIG LASS

She was a very big lass
And Apple shaped I suppose
But she was dressed
In quite unsuitable clothes

Beige Lycra pedal pushers
And a long white clingy top
They would have looked better
Left hanging in the shop

It certainly was a sight
I wouldn’t easily forget
As I watched her in the sun
Looking like a melting cornet

LOOKING FOR A NEW START

My wife and I were
Looking for a new start
So I bought a Waterbed
To rekindle loves spark
Something fresh and exciting
But we just drifted apart

A CARELESSLY DISCARDED MATCH

A carelessly discarded match
Can start a forest fire
Yet it takes a whole box
To light your bonfire

RCN HYMN

From the wards of emphysema
To the floors of maternity
We are proud to all be members
Of the nursing fraternity

We work for the sake of patients
As keep our hospital clean:
And we fight the daily battles
In blue or white or green

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF A MUMMY

The disappearance of a mummy
Was investigated by Inspector Grace
And with his years of experience
He soon wrapped up the case

MY CAT IS A FUSSY EATER # 2

My cat is a fussy eater
That’s not uncommon for a Siamese
And some days only RATatouille
On a bed of Mice will please

I WAS AT A FANCY DRESS PARTY

I was at a fancy dress party
And looking for something tarty
I was beginning to lose hope
When I got an unexpected grope
And I was forced to conclude
When things got decidedly rude
That for the very best nooky
You should do it with a Wooky

JULIUS CAESAR’S APPROACH

Julius Caesar’s approach
May have been absurd
But a different approach
Was what he preferred
Which is why he came,
He saw, he concurred