A Little Bit Of Humour # 14

ARE YOU WEARING A PETTICOAT?

Are you wearing a petticoat?
Are they were still in vogue?
That’s delightful apparel
For a lascivious old rogue

I’M A CRUMPET MAN

I’m a crumpet man
I don’t mind confessin’
But equally I like
Buns, baps and muffin

I WAS OUT ON THE LASH ON SATURDAY NIGHT

I was out on the lash on Saturday night
But I think it ended in disgrace
As I woke up in a skip next morning
With a kebab stuck to my face

I HATE AUTOMATED SWITCHBOARDS

I hate automated switchboards
They are so annoyingly slow
I wanted to book tickets
For an Elvis act a know
Each minute on the phone
Was costing me dough
Then at last it said press 1
For the money, 2 for the show

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 298

Taffy was a Welshman,
Taffy was a thief;
Taffy came to my house
And stole a piece of beef.
I should mention in the interest
Of political correctness
That not all Welshmen
Are called taffy
And not all Welshmen
Are thieves or indeed
Have a liking for someone else’s beef.
But this particular Welshman
In the 18th Century Nursery Rhyme
Was indeed called taffy
And he was a thieving bastard

“Taffy was a Welshman was an actual nursery rhyme
Popularised in the 18th Century, so don’t blame me”

ARE YOU WEARING PYJAMAS?

Are you wearing pyjamas?
And they’re Flannelette no less
I’m sure they are very comfy
But I was hoping for a nightdress
Or preferably as it is our
Wedding night, considerably less

WHERE THE WHITE RABBIT WENT

Where the white rabbit went
Then young Alice followed
And down a rabbit hole they went
And both of them were swallowed

THE FAIR GAME

The moment I first saw her
Was at the county fair
She was in a summer dress
And fiddling with her hair

It was love at first sight
When I saw her there
She smiled at me and said
Her name was Claire

We had a nice time together
But later when she was bare
Was when we could truly say
We had all the fun of the fair

ARE YOU WEARING A ONESIE? # 1

Are you wearing a onesie?
I didn’t know you were the type
But you have surprised me
And yes I like the tiger stripe

Well yes I don’t mind if I do
It’s very soft to the touch
Yes I’d like to feel inside
Thank you so very much

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 299

Taffy was a Welshman
He came from Porthcawl
I think if he were from Cardiff
He’d hardly be Welsh at all

“Taffy was a Welshman was an actual nursery rhyme
Popularised in the 18th Century, so don’t blame me”

ARE YOU WEARING A ONESIE? # 2

Are you wearing a onesie?
I didn’t know you were the type
But you have surprised me
And yes I like the tiger stripe

It’s rather a shapeless thing
Am I being picky and choosy?
To be honest I don’t like it
But I’d like to see your twosie

RISE AND SHINE

In the morning
My dad used to
Throw back the curtains
And loudly say
“Wakey, wakey
Rise and shine”
Well as a teenager
“Rise” I could manage
But “shine”
Was never going to happen

ARE YOU WEARING AN UNDERSKIRT?

Are you wearing an underskirt?
I can see it beneath your hem
Oh its imported silk is it?
Oh yes of course I like them

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 296

Rainbow to windward
Stay indoors allday
Rainbow to leeward
Let’s go out to play

ARE YOU WEARING SHADES?

Are you wearing shades?
Yes they do look cool
Though not really suitable
And I would say as a rule
Wearing them in a cinema
Make’s you look a fool