A Little bit Of Humour

IT’S THE DOGS…. ONCE AGAIN

George loved his wife Elsie dearly
They’d been married 40 years nearly
George loved her from the very first look
But sadly Elsie was a desperate cook
To her great credit it didn’t deter her
From preparing a variety of fare
One day she served something cordon bleu
Which caused George to sit and stare
It was truly awful even just to look at
Some burnt, some raw and swimming in fat
Reluctantly he took a taste of the presentation
And gave it to his dog without hesitation
Then immediately after eating some
The dog started licking at his bum
“Why is he doing that?" she said in disgust
As the dog did what all dogs must
George replied quite straight faced
“He’s trying to get rid of the taste”

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES – ANSWERING THE CALL

In class one day a boy named Benny
Needed to go to the toilet suddenly
So he called out loudly to Miss
“Please I really need to take a piss”
The teacher said “No you must wait”
“The correct word to use is urinate”
If you use “urinate” in a sentence correctly
I will allow you to go to the lavatory
And so thought the boy called Benny
Desperate now to spend a penny
"You're an eight miss” says young Ben
“But if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES – A QUESTION OF SYLLABLES

“Ok class, today we will learn
About words with multi syllables”
The teacher addressed her class
“Does anyone have an example?”
One boy put up his hand
“Please miss I have an example”
He wrote on the blackboard “Mas-tur-bate”
Then said “that is my example”
The teacher was a little embarrassed
"Gosh that’s a mouthful."
"No, Miss, you're thinking of a blowjob
And that has fewer syllables”

NEW RESOLVE

My New Year resolution
Was to find a solution
To my misshapen figure
And lack of vim and vigour
Though feeling rather grim
I signed up for the gym
First came the orientation
And equipment demonstration
I was told of suitable clothes
Something loose that flows
I said “the reason or the point
Of me being in this joint
And why I signed up tonight
Is all my clothes are tight”