CRACKERS, FRUITCAKE AND NUTS

 

Crackers, fruitcake, and nuts

They mean Christmas to me

Although to be honest, they

Could also describe my family

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 327

 

Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

To fetch the poor dog a bone

Then she remembered

She didn’t have a dog

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 6

 

Is Santa Claus really a woman?

Well would that be so shocking

I mean if it were left to a man

And I don’t mean to be mocking

But are really more interested

In a very different stocking

HER WASSAIL

 

She would sing for her supper

And wail for her wassail

To get her turkey dinner

And a pint of Christmas ale

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN

 

You better watch out

You better not cry

Better not pout

I'm telling you why

Because Daddy

Has just worked

A 14 hour day

And now has to drive

300 miles of Christmas traffic

To spend another bloody Christmas

At Grandma Browns

House of doom

So, he is not in the mood

For any of your shit

OH SANTA CLAUS THE BELLS THE BELLS ARE CALLING

 

Oh Santa Claus the bells the bells are calling

From town to town, where goodwill doth abide

The summers gone, the autumn leaves have fallen

We’re near, we’re near another Christmas tide

 

So come ye back to us on Christmas Evening

When all the land is hushed and white with snow

And we will leave your milk and cookies

Oh Santa Claus, you know we love you so

MERRY, MERRY

 

The doctor scratches his head

And is almost struck dumb

Why did Santa Claus have

A mince pie stuck up his bum

The only answer was

On a pie he must have sat

So, the doctor said

“I’ll give you some cream to put on that”