UKIP ADVENT CALENDAR # 1

 

You can now buy a UKIP

Advent calendar

I’ve never seen one before

There are no Christmas messages

It just says Fuck off

Behind every door

KEEP CHRISTMAS WELL

 

Keep Christmas well

Embrace its spirit

Feel its warmth and joy

Hold it in your heart

And keep its embers alight

Carry it with you

From one year to the next

So, it will never end

IT WAS IN THE BELFRY

It was in the belfry

On Christmas Eve

High in the tower

I tried to retrieve

A poor little kitten

Who was stuck

When suddenly

The bell was struck

I lost my footing

And began to fall

I thought this is

The end of it all

So, I had onto grab

Or surely die

My Ding dong

Merrily on high

CRIMBO

 

Bunting and frolic

Candles and smells

Garlands and gaiety

Baubles and bells

The holly and the ivy

Sprigs of mistletoe

Cookies and eggnog

Have a happy Crimbo

WITH EXPECTANT FACES FULL OF SMILES

 

With expectant faces full of smiles

The children sit around the tree

Waiting to get amongst the gifts

And wondering “What’s Santa got for me”

 

Eagerly the children sit by the tree

Their expectant smiling faces all aglow

Waiting to get amongst the gifts

On the moment when Nan says “go”

EVERYONE IS SO HAPPY

 

Everyone is so happy

Damn them all to hell

But I drank too much last night

And today I feel unwell

 

The cheerful souls

Can’t abide to see a frown

And want me to turn

My frown upside down

 

At first, I decided

That I would merely scoff

But it didn’t work

So, I told them to piss off

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 318

 

Three each day

Seven days a week

Ruddy Apple

Ruddy Cheek

Hardly a varied diet

Is it?