My worst Christmas present ever
Was when I
got an empty carton
All
dog-eared and flattened out
Really
tatty and really not fun
When I
complained to my dad
And
declared it worse than socks
He said I
should be more grateful
To receive
my very own ex-box
To make
things so much worse
My dad
thought it was quite nifty
If you then
spun the box around
To make an
ex-box 360
Mary had a camper van
She took it
to the wood
She said
that I could come
Are you wearing a Christmas sweater?
Well, this
season just keeps on getting better
It’s not
that I like novelty knitwear
But I can
ogle your chest and you won’t care
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house
Not a
creature was stirring not even a louse
But there is
a reason and here’s the tell
It’s just
been fumigated and stank like hell
Away in a manger
No crib for
a bed …
The little
Lord Jesus
Lay down
his sweet head
I don’t
think it matters
How gently you
sing
Social services
don’t care
For this
kind of thing
Little child,
Lonely
child,
Face
pressed
Against the
glass
Breath
blooming,
On the
window pain
What do you
seek?
Outside in
the cold
In that
bleak winter scene
Do you listen
for sleigh bells?
Out in the
snow
Is it the
man in red?
You wait alone
for
Why do you
listen?
So intently
at the silence
What was
that sound?
Out in the
cold
Not sleigh
bells
No, a car
door
Now a
figure appears
Who is it?
Not the man
in red
Little child,
Lonely
child,
Is excited
now,
Rushes to
the door
Its daddy,
its daddy
Home at
last
The old fat fella
In the big
red suit
Of
delivering gifts
In his
festive pursuit
Wide black
belt
And big
black boot
The jolly
fat bloke
Ruddy and
hirsute
He does great
good
That’s not
in dispute
But he eats
too much
So, he’s a
chubby brute
So, when he
visits
On his
Christmas commute
Don’t leave
him a pie
Leave him
some fruit
