CHRISTMAS SPICE

 

Christmas time is very nice

But if I might offer some advice

You can add a spot of yuletide spice

If you indulge in a little festive vice

CHRISTMAS GIFTS – HIS AND HERS

 

I got a book for Christmas

“101 sexual positions”

I got it from my brother

My wife also received a book

“102 handy excuses”

A present from her mother

I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS # 1

 

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,

Just like the ones I used to know”

But if I should run out of the white

I will gladly drink the red though

NEW FOR CHRISTMAS

There is to be a new sanitary product

That is set to make cash registers ring

A new tampon in the shops by Christmas

That comes complete with a tinsel string

 

The retailers are extremely confident

And believe that sales will be myriad

But they have been at pains to stress

They are only meant for the festive period

WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED - SAFELY

 

While shepherds watched their flocks by night

All seated on the ground,

An inspector from the HSE came down

And he quickly wore a frown

DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW

Dashing through the snow

On a one-horse open sleigh,

Over fields we go

Laughing all the way

Then the reins do snap,

We weren’t expecting that

Now we laugh no more

As we hit a tree so fat

 

Oh, ambulance bells, ambulance bells

Sirens all the way

They dragged us from the wreck

Of a one-horse open sleigh

Oh, ambulance bells, ambulance bells

Sirens all the way

Oh, what fun it’s NOT to ride

In a one-horse open sleigh

GIRL POWER

 

All of the reindeer

Pulling Santa’s sleigh

Are adorned with antlers

As they make their way

 

Well, only female reindeer

On the Christmas flight

Still retain their antlers

By Christmas night

 

So, the whole team are girls

Is that really shocking?

An all-female team?

Carrying gifts for every stocking

 

Who else could be trusted?

To circumnavigate the globe

In only one night

Not the guy in the red robe

 

But the overweight old man

With no dress sense

Who is too lazy to shave

Gets thanked for the presents

 

And do we get any recognition

For delivering the toys

No, we don’t get a mention

And everyone thinks that we are boys