Are you wearing Christmas hosiery?
Phwor are you going to let me see
Oh how they cling to the shape of you
I would like to cling to them too
Oh yes I like them very much
Perhaps I might have a touch
Oh you are a proper tease
Would you let me if I said please?
If you are constantly worrying
About over
indulging
During the
festive season
Then there
really is no reason
It is a
well known fact you see
That you
can fully enjoy the festivities
And relax
and not stress or fuss
Because
calories don't count at Christmas
Be on your guard
Wherever
you go
Tread very
carefully
You could
even tip toe
But if you
don’t take heed
And don’t
watch where you go
You may get
caught
Beneath the
mistletoe
Memories of Christmas past
Etched deep within
Remembered fondly
Remembered joyfully
Youthful memories
Christmas lights
Holly wreaths
Ringing bells
Icing the cake
Singing carols
Trimming the tree
Mistletoe for kissing mum
All done with love
Special Christmas’s with
mum and dad
Christmas is a funny time of year
At no other
time of year are the shops full to overflowing
With people
who clearly don’t want to be there
Spending
money they don’t have
On things
the recipients of them won’t like
You send
cards to people you haven’t seen for years
And you get
cards from people you’ve never heard of
You spend
the day itself
Amidst the
people you’ve managed to avoid all year
You have to
kiss relatives you never knew you had
Who keep
farting and blaming it on the dog
You dine on
roast Turkey
Which no
one lists as their favourite meat
And you
have to sit at the table wearing silly paper hats
When for
the rest of the year you mustn’t wear a hat at the table
You eat
Christmas pudding and mince pies
That give
everyone heartburn
Then you
all sit around a dead tree
Pretending
to like the presents you open
You eat
sweets and nuts that you took out of a sock
While you
watch the Queens speech
Then you
play parlour games suggested by someone
Who claims
in their day “they had to make their own entertainment”
Who then
falls asleep in his chair
But despite
all of this I still love it
The three wise men
Traveled
for days before reaching Bethlehem
And arrived
after the birth
They stood
and viewed the scene in awe
And knelt
reverently in the lords presence
Then gave
their gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh
The three
wise women
Would have
stopped to ask directions
And arrived
before the birth
They would
have delivered the baby
Then they
would have cleaned the stable and cooked a meal
Before
giving the baby really useful gifts
The three
wise women
Leaving
Bethlehem would be heard to say
“A virgin
not likely, I know the family”
“That baby
looks more like the shepherd than Joseph”
“Only a
drama queen would choose to give birth in a stable”
“That
Joseph is on the social you know”
“Well a
lift home would have been nice”
“That angel was really snooty”
I’ve bought a special gift
For my
Christmas honey
It’s a “Santa’s
little helper” outfit
And it’s
bloody horny
Its red
velour with white fur trim
And
matching lingerie
It’s figure
hugging short and tight
And shows
all you’d want to see
I’ve always
liked sexy outfits
And this is
the best I’ve seen
I’m sure
that she will like it
Especially
as it wipes clean
