ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS # 3

 I only want one Christmas gift

It’s the only Christmas wish I’ve wished

I just want to know all the names

Of the girls on the naughty list

CHRISTMAS TURKEY

 

Laid naked on the kitchen table

White flesh from leg to breast

A Christmas bird to be enjoyed

My table was truly blessed

 

I set about the job in hand

Getting the bird prepared

And by using all my expertise

No effort at all was spared

 

Having greased the old bird well

The meaty legs spread wide

And I began to stuff the bird

I was really in my stride

 

When the bird had been well stuffed

It lay resting on the cooker

Smelling of sage and onion

The bird really was a looker

 

Then I looked up at the kitchen clock

Panic filled me and I began to fret

I shouted to my wife “quick put you pants on”

I haven’t prepared the turkey yet

CHRISTMAS SCENE

 

Snow blankets the ground

Lights twinkle and flash and chase

Reds, blues, white

From Chimney pot

To garden gate

Lights of every hue

And a five foot plastic Winnie the Pooh

Santa’s, elves and reindeer

Stand guard on front lawns

Neon signs point the way for Santa

A typical scene now you might think

Could be anywhere in the world

The only thing to give away the location

Is the fact it’s still November

So welcome to

Christmas in Chav land

WATCH OUT

 

Watch out, watch out

There’s a letch about

He’s stalked you all year long

Amidst the office throng

Watch out for Mr. Ross

Your lecherous boss

Who’s been waiting all year long

With a desire so strong

Watch out, watch out

There’s a letch about

Who wants to hold you in embrace

And kiss your pretty face

Watch out for Mr. Ross

Your lecherous boss

As he looks at you all agog

Intent upon a snog

So when old Mr. Ross

Your lecherous boss

Grabs you under the mistletoe

Just tell him where to go

CHRISTMAS DAYS

 

Christmas days

Holidays

Spiritual and Holy days

Christmas days

Holidays

Mistletoe and holly days

Christmas days

Holidays

Candy canes and lolly days

Christmas days

Holidays

Spiritual and Holy days

Christmas days

Holidays

Jovial and Jolly days

IFS AND BUTS

 

If ifs, and buts and maybes

Were chocs and nuts and candies

Then you would have to concede

You’d have a wonderful Christmas indeed

THE SNOWMAN STOOD ON HIS LAWN

 

The snowman stood on his lawn

With a smile across his face

Because the snow blower was

Heading towards his place