CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE WORKHOUSE # 1

It’s Christmas Eve in the workhouse,
And not a hint of the seasons in sight
No stockings hang by the fire side
They’ll be no treats in store tonight

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS # 3

I only want one Christmas gift
It’s the only Christmas wish I’ve wished
I just want to know all the names
Of the girls on the naughty list

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 2

Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the flat,
Not a creature was stirring not even the cat
The mince pies had been eaten every one and all
And the dog had thrown up on the carpet in the hall

CHRISTMAS ACROSS THE SEA

I am of occidental origin
And I should make it clear
That I have lived all my life
In the northern hemisphere

And every year, except this one
I’ve spent Christmas in blighty
This year, I was invited to my daughters
I tried to decline, politely

She doesn’t live in Britain
But in the land of the kangaroo
Christmas day in high summer
Oh what an awful to-do

The hot sun was like the Grinch
Not a cloud in the sky since dawn
It ruined the day for me
And it made the eggnog warm

Flies buzzed round the turkey
My hat was stuck to my head
No queen’s speech on the telly
I wish I’d stayed home instead

HAVE A CRACKING CHRISTMAS

I must definitely make sure
Her Christmas sack is full
Then if your dear is happy
Your cracker might get a pull

FAIRY ON THE TREE

Fairy, fairy on the tree
Why do you look so glum?
Is it the Christmas Blues?
To which you have succumbed
Is that what makes you sad
Or the needles up your bum

TIED UP WITH TINSEL

Have a little yuletide fun
Make it deliciously sinful
With your little Christmas hon
Tied up with tinsel